Why am I thinking about this now? Because lately, I've been fielding unsolicited feedback about my own weight. (In case you don't know me IRL, I'm on the slim side.) Just the other day, I was taking the boys for a walk when someone I've never met in the neighborhood looked up from her flowerbeds to comment, "You're so skinny! How can you have twins?" I just said, "ha ha" and kept walking.
What did she know about my situation? Maybe I'm the nanny, not the mom. Maybe I adopted. Maybe my twins were born via a surrogate because I couldn't carry a pregnancy. Maybe I developed an eating disorder, triggered by post-partum hormone changes. Maybe I'm fighting a disease that causes weight loss. (None of those things are true, btw!)
The truth is that yes, about a year after giving birth to twins, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight. (Though not my pre-pregnancy shape...) I don't say this to pat myself on the back or to make anyone else feel bad about their size. Mostly, I think my weight is genetic. I come from skinny stock. In elementary school, I was usually the class "shrimp." Then you add in the reality of chasing around two active kids + not always having time/remembering to eat, and I guess the baby weight just disappeared. Also, remember that I delivered at 30 weeks, so I didn't gain as much as I could have if I'd gone full term.
What if I lived in a parallel universe where I was a lot bigger before, during, and after pregnancy? What kind of comments would I field then? People might see me walking with a stroller and say, "Trying to lose that baby weight, huh?" Or maybe worse...
My point is, I just don't understand why some people feel the need to point out to me that I am slim. I suppose they are trying to compliment me, but actually, it makes me kind of uncomfortable. It's not like an accomplishment I feel I should be proud of. I'm just trying to survive over here, keeping myself and my two little people fed. (Oh yeah, and my husband...good thing he likes frozen burritos.) My genetic predisposition towards slenderness is not under my control.
So, guess what, if someone else has a genetic predisposition to be on the larger side, that's not something they can control, either! I am no dietitian and can't begin to understand, let alone explain, the complex interplay among genetics, diet, and activity level that impacts a person's weight. But what I do know is that in the U.S., people who are overweight experience bias and discrimination. Some people are saying that size discrimination is becoming the new socially acceptable discrimination, as overt racism falls out of favor. (Note that I am not saying that and really don't want to wade into the murky waters of ranking/comparing the badness of various forms of discrimination...)
How then shall we live? Well, in my case, I do not talk about people's weight, whether it has increased or decreased. If they bring it up, fine, but I don't introduce the subject. I want to advocate for people being healthy at every size. HAES promotes, among other things,
- Finding the joy in moving one’s body and being physically active;
- Eating in a flexible and attuned manner that values pleasure and honors internal cues of hunger, satiety, and appetite, while respecting the social conditions that frame eating options.
I can support that! I find joy in going for walks in the park with my kids. I am learning to eat more intuitively, listening to my body's cues. I'm finding it's especially important that I eat enough protein and that I eat before I'm famished. Both of those help me have more energy and patience, which I need in abundance in this season of life.
So, readers, get out there and be kind to those you encounter today across the full spectrum of humanity. As the song I learned in elementary school goes, "Friends come in all shapes and sizes!"
p.s. If you're one of the people who has commented about my skinniness, please know that I really don't hold it against you and am not trying to pick on you by writing this post! You're just living out what your culture has taught you. All I'm trying to do is point out where that culture may have gotten us off track and encourage a bit of thoughtful reflection.
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