Mental Health Check-In

Before I ever got pregnant, I was concerned that I might struggle with postpartum depression. Without going into specifics, let's just say that given my extended family tree, it wouldn't be a big surprise. And although I've never been officially diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, I've certainly struggled with neurotic worrying from time to time. (DF has actually really helped me calm down in the years that I've known him. I have never met someone so even-keeled and unflappable as him. He's a good influence on me!)

Once I did become a mom, I was definitely on the lookout for any warning signs of PPD creeping in. But, it was hard for me to tell if I was depressed, or just exhausted from the sleep deprivation that comes with taking care of two babies. And I was too tired and stressed to really spend a lot of time pondering it, so I just plodded ahead, trying to keep the ship afloat and hoping things got better.

Recently, I found a website that is really helpful in this regard. It lists out what is normal new mom stress vs. PPD. The "healthy postpartum adjustment" list describes my experience pretty well. I only found about two things on the "postpartum distress" list that applied to me. That was a relief, actually! It seems like the main differentiating characteristic is that new mom stress comes and goes, whereas PPD is more constant and persistent. My emotions have been all over the place, both positive and negative. Apparently this is normal. I like being normal, mental health-wise.

I'm starting to feel even more like myself again now because I actually have time to do stuff. In the last couple weeks, I've really cut down on pumping. The boys seem to be doing just fine on formula (and a few bites of solids, too!). I'm glad I was able to provide breastmilk for them, at least in part, for the first 6 months. So now I have all this "free time" on my hands. Also, I get to sleep more. It's kind of amazing! I've been trying lots of new recipes and remembering that I actually do sort of like cooking. DF has been a good sport about my creations, including one attempt at using up leftovers that involved half a box of spaghetti, a can of queso, BBQ sauce, and shredded beef (technically ropa vieja). It was odd, but edible :)

In closing, let me just say that if you are a new mom and struggling to cope, please click here to read about the symptoms of postpartum depression, anxiety, and OCD. A lot of women experience these conditions. You are not alone, you're not a bad mom, and there is help available for you!