A Good Day

Das Fenster is back! Yay! He arrived home last week, and we're all glad to have him here again. The boys were kind of out of whack that first day - I think it finally hit them that Daddy had been gone so long. There was a lot of screaming and crying :(  But they've recovered now and are in much better spirits.

Yesterday, DF had the day off and we spent a lovely family day together. Having to be the solo parent for so long really makes me appreciate when both of us are here. I mean, life just seems so much easier when I don't have to do everything by myself! Here's what we did yesterday.

Morning
DF took the boys to the park for more than an hour, early in the day to beat the heat. While they were gone, I was able to reorganize the boys' closet (which we are using for storage) and move some boxes out of our room into theirs. This includes some under-the-bed boxes that I'd been wanting to put under their cribs for weeks, but I just wasn't interested in doing it when they were home because they'd want to dump out all the contents, pull the boxes out from under the cribs, shove them back in again, pinch their fingers, climb on the boxes, fall off, hurt their toes, etc...

I also vacuumed under all the furniture (found 20+ Cheerios under the couch) in addition to my regular vacuuming, and swept the non-carpeted floors. They still weren't home, so I just sat on the couch and enjoyed the peace and quiet.

After they got back and the boys ate a snack, they took all the cushions off the couch and jumped/rolled around for quite awhile. DF played with them; I mainly observed and provided comfort for all the minor injuries that ensued.

I can't remember what happened during lunch, but they must've eaten something and it wasn't a total disaster. Oh, I think they mainly had cantaloupe. They like to take the chunks of melon and drive them around their trays like trucks. It's pretty cute.

Afternoon
During nap time, I went to the grocery store by myself. I was able to pick a store that does not have huge shopping carts with two kid driving wheel seats. And, I could stop and consider products for as long as I wanted to make a selection. I think that's my favorite part of shopping by myself - having my whole brain available to think about what I'm buying. I have purchased the wrong item before when the kids were literally trying to jump out of the cart so I just grabbed something and hoped it was what I was looking for.

Instead, I stood in front of the butter/alternative butter section for quite awhile deciding which non-dairy option I was going to try. (I opted for Smart Balance, even though I was skeptical since it listed fish oil as an ingredient and I'm not really interested in adding sardine flavor to my English muffins. But, good news, it's pretty tasty and not fishy!) The only other person I had to be aware of during that time was the guy stocking the shelves near me. He seemed capable of handling life without my intervention. Good, good.

After shopping, I mopped the aforementioned non-carpeted floors (although I did not want to, but given the amount of orange juice that gets sloshed around the kitchen, a once-weekly mopping schedule is necessary). Then I read an easy-breezy fiction book for awhile.

When the kids woke up, we all went up to the pool to go swimming. Can I just tell you, it is soooo much easier to take them swimming with a 1:1 ratio? Wow, how did I forget that?! There were a fair number of people at the pool, probably since the temperatures were soaring over 100. We tried a new technique for post-swim time where we brought their diapers and clothes up to the pool with us and changed them there, rather than making them walk back to the apartment dripping and shivering. It was remarkably successful! They liked lounging poolside and drying off, too.

Later, DF entertained the boys while I got dinner ready. I surreptitiously ate a burrito while they watched cartoons, so I wasn't starving while trying to feed them. Score! The boys enjoyed smooshing refried beans everywhere during their meal.

Evening
We decorated little pumpkins by drawing on them with Sharpies, and they also colored pictures of pumpkins that I drew. Then they ran around the house with their pumpkins saying, "Spooky! Boo!" They think that pumpkins are supposed to be scary, based on an episode of Bubble Guppies. We got some cute pictures of them with their gourds.

The rest of the evening was unspecified play time with blocks, books, pretend cooking, and general two year old silliness. We probably watched more cartoons, though I don't exactly recall.

They were in bed shortly after 8, and DF and I were able to have a normal conversation without any particular agenda or needing to make decisions/plans. It was like two friends talking to each other. Wowzers! I wrapped the day up by going to bed early to try and catch up on sleep after a not very restful night a couple days before.

All in all, a good day :)

Home Stretch

I'm happy to say that we'll be welcoming DF home later this week, barring any travel delays. Hooray, the boys and I have almost survived this month and a half of his deployment! At first, it was really hard. Then it got better. Now it seems almost normal. We're all looking forward to having him back, and I'm sure we can adjust to a new normal with a 4-person family.

In time, I suppose I'll look back on this season as a monumental event in our family's life. But in living it, I've just been trying to get through one day at a time. Now that it's almost over, I thought I'd reflect on some of the highlights.

Visitors

My sister, cousin, and mom all came to visit during this time and it was awesome! I didn't expect visitors to come so soon after we moved, but I guess people took pity on me :) It was really nice to have extra hands around to help out. I was able to accomplish such tasks as picking up dry cleaning, retrieving packages from the leasing office, exchanging items purchased in error because I couldn't read the fine print and keep my kids from destroying a store at the same time, going grocery shopping by myself, etc. You know, glamorous stuff!

Exploring the Area

I don't mind taking the kids to most parks or libraries by myself, but there are other places that I'm not interested in attempting solo. With the visitors in town, we were able to check out the Natural History Museum, the San Gabriel Mission, and the beach (Santa Monica). Wow, LA sure has a lot to offer!

Making Friends

Since I enjoy talking to people who can form complete sentences and discuss complex ideas (as contrasted with my usual conversations of "choo choo! choo choo!"), I have joined a couple moms' groups here to try and meet other grown ups. I'd say that, compared to Memphis, people seem a little more open in talking about real life stuff, but not quite as friendly as Southerners overall. So, I'm still working on that front, but I think I have some good potential connections in the works. At least people are accepting my Facebook friend requests, so I'm going to take that as a good sign :) And I randomly reconnected with a friend from college who lives in the area, which was cool.

Connecting with the Kids

I've heard you are supposed to spend one-on-one time with your kids to be a good parent, but that's rather tricky in my situation. Sometimes one of them wakes up earlier than the other from nap time - today it was Gibson. So I got him up and said, "Since Gus is still asleep, you get to have special time with Mommy! What do you want to do?" He wanted to play with some toy animals, which was fine until I made the elephant pretend to eat a snack and Gibson got all pouty and sad. Really not sure what I did wrong there... Then I asked him if we should wake up Gus, and he excitedly ran into the bedroom. Apparently he was craving brother time, not mom time! At any rate, I've tried to spend lots of time playing with them (together), reading stories, coloring pictures, going on walks, and all that good stuff. 

Creative Problem Solving

Without DF around to bounce ideas off of, I've been left to my own devices with these two little munchkins. Bedtime has been extra...interesting. Back in Memphis, we had a pretty good routine going on that required the full involvement of both parents. So not only have I had to adapt to doing it all by myself, but the boys are also getting more creative in their bedtime stalling techniques, which requires a new level of strategizing! 

For example, I've figured out if I let them sit on the bathroom counter with their feet in the sink, then they will let me brush their teeth. (I used to be able to kind of hold them down and force the toothbrush in their mouth, but they are getting too strong for me, so I have to use psychological techniques. And DF is the one with a degree in psychology, not me...!) Then we used to sit in our glider chair for story time (all 3 of us), but that wasn't working. I tried having the boys sit in the chair with me on the floor, but once one of them flopped over the side and landed on his head, I decided that wasn't the best approach. Now, we all sit on the floor together while I read two stories - they each pick one. (Of course, then they both want to read a bunch more...) And while typing the above I literally thought of 5 more things that are different than Memphis, but I'm going to stop the list there because, well, it's becoming obvious that I didn't get to talk to any adults today, isn't it? ;)

Bye Bye Binky

(That title is a total misnomer, BTW, but it's just too alliterative to pass up. We never called pacifiers "binkies" and we also haven't said an official goodbye.)

Good news! Operation Gently Limit Pacifier Usage was a success! Honestly, I can hardly believe it worked. I was sure I was going to be surrounded by much wailing and gnashing of teeth, but the whole thing went rather smoothly.

Since I know you're curious, here's how it went down. Yes, I took notes. Detailed notes. I cope with stress by collecting data and being analytical, ok?

Saturday (9/23/17)
Watch Sesame Street video clip of Elmo getting rid of his pacifier. (Episode #4264, if you are wondering. I could only find a bootlegged version on YouTube that I shall not link to, so as not to incur the wrath of the copyright police.)

Talk about how Gus and Gibson are going to keep their pacifiers in bed from now on, not walk around with them in their mouths. They look worried and say, "no."

Sunday (9/24)
When I pick them up from the church nursery, Gus is whimpering and asking for his pacifier, which he somehow lost over the course of the morning. Seeing his sad face makes me more committed to my goal, because I know he can have fun playing in the nursery without a pacifier.

After nap, watch Elmo episode again. Sing the "Bye, bye Binkie" song. [Aside: it is not to the tune of Bye Bye Birdie, although you'd imagine it would be...] I tell them that tomorrow, the pacifier has to stay in bed and they can only use it during sleep time. I say that I want to hear them talk more. They say "ok" but keep happily slurping away on pacis.

Eat frozen bananas for dinner. That's it.

5:55pm (as my stress level rises, the log gets more detailed)
Sing Bye Bye Binky again. Tell them again about leaving pacifiers in bed tomorrow. Apparently they don't understand "tomorrow," because they both take pacis to bed and drop them over the side. Then they ask for a popsicle. Wow! High fives all around!

We then successfully go to the grocery store without pacifiers, which is totally shocking. I have some in my pocket but never have to pull them out.

7:15pm
Back from the store. Boys look at pacifiers in bed and repeatedly ask for them. I try comforting them with toys and blankies, but it doesn't work. I explain if they need pacifier time, it's ok, but they have to stay in their beds with pacis.

7:20pm
Gibson up for a snack

7:24pm
Gus jealous that Gibson got to go on the balcony, so he gets up too

7:43pm
Both back in bed with pacifiers. Gibson was the instigator.

7:44pm
Gus wants more melon. Gibson stays put.

7:46pm
Gus back to pacifier

7:49pm
Both up to play choo choo (where they line up their toy boxes and pretend it's a train)

Pacifier-free until bedtime at 8:30pm

*I'm now going to abbreviate pacifier as P*

Monday (9/25)
7:35am
Gus gets up and leaves P in bed. Gibson up a few minutes later

7:50a
Gus asks for P, back in bed

7:53a
Gus up because he wants to watch me make coffee

8:03a
Breakfast time, then no one asked for P afterwards!

8:50a
Still no Ps! They have stripped themselves down to just diapers but whatever works!

9:09a
They're playing nicely in their bedroom. I say, "I really like hearing you talk more!" They respond by asking for Ps. Oops, guess that backfired.

Gus gets up for about 10 minutes to get dressed and play, but Gibson won't budge.

9:26a
I try a new approach - I leave their room while they sit in cribs with Ps. Tell them to let me know when they want to get up.

9:34a
I hear giggling. Go in to find that Gus has taken off his diaper and, well, you can guess what he's playing with. Good Lord, now Gibson is copying him!

9:41a
Both finally up and dressed, no Ps. Eating popsicles.

Go to library for art time. This turns out to be an extreme test of my patience and willpower, but we make it without Ps. Have to let them cry in the van on the way home and empathize that their Ps are at home in bed.

11:30a
Gus requests P when we get home but only stays in bed for one minute. Tell him I'm proud of him. Gibson is eating lunch, no P.

11:55a
Gus slightly bumps head and requests an ice pack (not P)!

Afternoon nap with Ps, get up after nap time with just a few extra P minutes

3:25pm
I tell them we need to go to Costco. Gus replies by asking for P. Gibson also wants P time, then drinks juice.

No Ps from 3:40-6:10pm but OMG very stressful outing! Ice cream everywhere! I try to take them to the snack bar to get dinner. They see a picture of ice cream on the menu. Silly me, I order it, thinking we can have it for dessert after they eat pizza. Instead, Gibson only eats ice cream for dinner, and that's mostly with his hands rather than the perfectly functional spoon that was provided. Gus eats ice cream first, then wants pizza. Gibson is not interested in sitting around waiting for Gus to finish, so he plays with the garbage cans instead. (Also, FYI the Alhambra, CA Costco is a total zoo no matter what time of day you go there.)

6:10pm
Both are screaming when we get home. I suggest P time. They calm down in a few minutes.

7:40pm
Gus needs about 2 minutes of P time after bath. He is usually really grumpy about getting out of the bath, and tonight is no exception.

8:30pm
Ps in for the night.

Observations:
They seemed to fall asleep faster today for nap and bedtime than usual
Total (awake) pacifier time estimated at less than 1 hour. Whoa! I thought it would be way higher

===
Ok, if you have read this far, I think you're part of my hard core fan club, so I thank you for your support and patronage! :) I'll just summarize the remaining days here for you.

Tuesday (9/26)
Both boys ask for P during breakfast. I feed them more food and that seems to work.

I put them in bed for 5 minutes of P time so I can finish vacuuming. Who's the real addict here??

When they are screaming, I ask if they want Ps, but they say no. Play with Kindles instead.

Both in cribs with Ps, and they each have one leg up over the side. They haven't figured out how to climb out of cribs yet. Oh dear...

I make sure to praise them at bedtime for how they are doing so well at leaving Ps in bed, talking more, and being big boys.

Wednesday (9/27)
I have a moms' group this morning, and the boys go to childcare with no Ps and no drama. I'm shocked!

Now that they can talk more, they're sort of driving me insane. I bet they said "Mommy" 100 times each during our evening trip to the park...

Just a few short incidents of pacifier time today. Usage is definitely decreasing.

Thursday (9/28)
Both suddenly request P time while watching TV in the afternoon. It was after two repair people had come to fix something in the apartment. Related?
=====

And now, here we are, October 6 and the boys seem like they've adapted to the pacifier restrictions. They hardly ask for pacifier time at all during the day. They're still pumped to get a paci for sleep time, so I hope we're back to that item being a sleep association. I'm in no hurry to 100% get rid of pacifiers. That will come when we're all ready.

Overall, I'm surprised that it went as well as it did. This was my first real attempt at explaining something to the boys and then having them demonstrate they understand by their actions. (I mean, a complex idea like "Pacifiers stay in bed," not "Throw this wrapper in the garbage can." It gives me hope for the future that, someday, we'll be able to have real conversations where we actually communicate with each other!

Parenting at the Park

We spend a lot of time exploring the parks around our new neighborhood. I've really got to hand it to the city of Pasadena - they are doing an awesome job in the parks department! This city of just over 140,000 residents has 23 parks. Wow! (We've ventured slightly further afield to South Pasadena, and their parks are also pretty cool.)

Let me describe a typical park here for you.

• Two play structures - one for ages 2-5, and one for ages 5-12 
• Bark chips covering the ground
• Shade trees
• Variety of items to climb up, over, and through - plus slides
• Swings
• Maybe a sand play area, or water, or see-saw
• A couple driving wheels
• Nice landscaping
• Clean and well-maintained 

And don't forget all of this is outside under that gorgeous California sun! Can you tell I'm enjoying our SoCal lifestyle?? :)

Now, let's talk about what parents do at the park. Usually we encounter lots of other toddlers and preschoolers at parks, since we tend to go in the mornings. I've observed these cultural norms so far:

• Parent has a beverage with them, usually coffee
• It's not all moms. I see lots of dads, and some grandmas, grandpas, and nannies. And I see two parents more often that I would have expected on weekdays.
• Most people have 1 kid, some 2. We've actually met a lot of twins!
• Parent follows child around the play area
• Parent engages child in playing and talking 
• Many people speak languages other than English
• Parent feeds child a snack. Most extreme example of this I've seen was the dad trailing his kid with a yogurt parfait from McDonald's, trying to get the child to take bites while playing
• Child is often dressed more warmly than my kids (long pants/sleeves even when I think it's warm)
• Parent intervenes quickly in fights/sharing disputes amongst children
• Children in the sand area are expected to share their toys with others
• Parent takes pictures of child
• Parent intermittently looks at phone, but most parents aren't totally sitting on a bench zoned out in phone land

Meanwhile, I don't bother bringing any beverages with me because I need both arms free for catching my little daredevils! Gus totally flung himself headfirst down a big slide yesterday while Gibson was off and climbing up a 5-foot tall apparatus. At least I can tell they're getting better at climbing with all this practice, but more confident, too...eek!

toddler-friendly play area, except for that ladder-like part where 

Gibson got to the top and tried to jump off