When the twins outgrew their infant carriers last year, I bought them a used "big kid" double stroller. It was a great deal - I think it only cost $30 or something! Since it was used, it has a couple quirks, like squeaky wheels. (I can hear my grandmother saying now, "Did you try WD-40?" No Grandma, not yet, but I should!) It was also missing 2 screws that held the front canopy cover on. So, whenever I'd open/close the stroller, the canopy bar would pop out of its holder. It wasn't really a big deal or injury risk because the canopy was still secured by a second bar, though it was certainly a minor annoyance. I kept meaning to take a look at it and try to fix it, but I would always forget once we were done strolling.
Well, this past weekend I got inspired to be productive. So, while the boys napped and DF was home to stay with them, I inspected the stroller canopies to find that the back seat used the same mechanism as the front. I removed one of the back screw to use as a template and took it to Home Depot with me. They didn't sell that small of screw and sent me to Ace Hardware. Ace, living up to its name as the helpful place, was definitely the right store for this quest. I had two different employees helping me, and in minutes they'd located just what I needed. For a whopping $0.20, including tax, I was the owner of two shiny new screws. Now the stroller canopy stays up nicely and I don't have to keep jabbing it back into its spot.
We got this stroller last fall. Wow! Why did it take me 6+ months for such a minor fix? Dealing with the broken canopy was definitely a hassle. It took maybe 45 minutes to fix it, and that includes going to two different stores plus having to dig the toolbox out of its hiding place in the boys' playroom so I could get the needed screwdriver. Once I was done I felt so accomplished. Like, wow, pat myself on the back, I just finished a DIY project!
It's the same feeling I get when I mend a 1" rip in a seam. I have an old college sweatshirt that has gotten me through many a winter. The wrist seam was starting to unravel, and it bugged me for probably a year before I finally sat down with a needle and thread to fix it. Now it's nice and solid and, well, ready for next winter ;)
So if you've been procrastinating on some project, let me encourage you today to just do it. It feels good to accomplish something, no matter how small. And it feels even better not to have to deal with whatever little thing was annoying you.
P.S. if I was a pastor, I would totally use these examples in a sermon. But I don't know what the sermon would be about, so that's probably why I'm not a pastor.
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Monday, March 27, 2017
Is Competency Possible in Parenting?
Back when I used to work for a paycheck (rather than for slobbery peanut-butter-covered face rubs), I found satisfaction in a job well done. I feel confident that, after an initial learning curve, I was pretty darn competent in most of my jobs. (That one internship in grad school where I never really understood what I was supposed to be doing aside, of course.)
Lately, it's occurred to me that working a job is super different than being a parent. No duh, right? As usual, sometimes it takes me awhile to catch on to these obvious realities. At work, I had a boss, a job description, procedures/policies to follow, and results to achieve. I could measure my progress and see how I was getting better at my job. I also received feedback from managers, customers, and co-workers that let me know if I was on the right track.
Let's take one of my first jobs, the illustrious position of Courtesy Clerk at a grocery store. My brother called me a "bag lady," but I think Courtesy Clerk sounds more professional :) When I first started the job, I received training on the company's procedures and had a chance to practice the job in a controlled environment. Once I was working in the store, supervisors were close by to provide guidance. After just a short time, I found myself improving. I could bag groceries more quickly and efficiently. I wasn't as exhausted after spending a whole shift standing up/walking. I started to recognize when little tasks needed to be completed and did them without explicit instructions. Over time, I got to try out new positions in the store, such as Janitor and Bakery Clerk. Even in new roles, my goal still remained the same, to provide excellent customer service. (Green Bow Tie Service, we called it.) And at the end of the day, I knew if I'd done a good job or not.
Why am I reminiscing about the good ol' days of <ack!> two decades ago? Because that job was both similar to and strikingly different than motherhood.
See, in pretty much any job, there is a right and wrong way to do things. Maybe what is "right" and "wrong" is just sort of arbitrary or determined by your brand standards. If you work for Coca-Cola, I bet it would be wrong to host a company function at a Pepsi-serving facility. You can learn these rules and follow them if you want to be a good worker.
But what about motherhood? Sure, moms agree on big-ticket items like "you should give your children food and liquid," but beyond that, it's impossible to reach consensus about the right/wrong way to do it. Is formula evil, or is it a modern miracle? Should I let my kids have pouches, or should they be eating regular table foods right from the start? What about organic? GMOs? Is the meat I feed them ethically-sourced? Or should we be going full-on vegan? Is juice a good choice to keep kids hydrated, or are milk and water the only acceptable beverages?
Maybe a few generations ago, there wasn't so much debate on these topics. Moms just did what their mothers before them had done, or they followed along with the norms of their communities. The information age is a stressful time to be raising children.
My rambling point is, compared to the relative certainty I had about being a good employee, I find it nearly impossible to know how I'm doing as a mom. I have moments where I feel like, "oh yeah, I got this!" But there's no one here looking over my shoulder all the time to tell me if I'm doing things "right." And even if there was, I'd probably want to Google it to verify if my motherhood supervisor was really up to date on all the latest research. I don't have a lot of policies or procedures to follow. I won't know for a long time if my mothering work is really effective. I mean, how many people do you know who seem to be totally competent and kind parents but then their kids wind up making some rather unhealthy/undesirable life choices as they get older?
In my less angst-ridden moments, I try to remind myself of some general principles I want my kids to learn like, "be kind to others" and "think before you act." And I want to be sure I'm showing them lots of love along the way. But then I start to spin my wheels when I think about all the areas of their life I can't control. They could be the victim of a crime, or hurt in an accident, or contract a serious illness. What then? How can I reconcile my instinctual desire to protect them with the reality of life here on Earth?
Motherhood is a tough job.
Lately, it's occurred to me that working a job is super different than being a parent. No duh, right? As usual, sometimes it takes me awhile to catch on to these obvious realities. At work, I had a boss, a job description, procedures/policies to follow, and results to achieve. I could measure my progress and see how I was getting better at my job. I also received feedback from managers, customers, and co-workers that let me know if I was on the right track.
Let's take one of my first jobs, the illustrious position of Courtesy Clerk at a grocery store. My brother called me a "bag lady," but I think Courtesy Clerk sounds more professional :) When I first started the job, I received training on the company's procedures and had a chance to practice the job in a controlled environment. Once I was working in the store, supervisors were close by to provide guidance. After just a short time, I found myself improving. I could bag groceries more quickly and efficiently. I wasn't as exhausted after spending a whole shift standing up/walking. I started to recognize when little tasks needed to be completed and did them without explicit instructions. Over time, I got to try out new positions in the store, such as Janitor and Bakery Clerk. Even in new roles, my goal still remained the same, to provide excellent customer service. (Green Bow Tie Service, we called it.) And at the end of the day, I knew if I'd done a good job or not.
Why am I reminiscing about the good ol' days of <ack!> two decades ago? Because that job was both similar to and strikingly different than motherhood.
See, in pretty much any job, there is a right and wrong way to do things. Maybe what is "right" and "wrong" is just sort of arbitrary or determined by your brand standards. If you work for Coca-Cola, I bet it would be wrong to host a company function at a Pepsi-serving facility. You can learn these rules and follow them if you want to be a good worker.
But what about motherhood? Sure, moms agree on big-ticket items like "you should give your children food and liquid," but beyond that, it's impossible to reach consensus about the right/wrong way to do it. Is formula evil, or is it a modern miracle? Should I let my kids have pouches, or should they be eating regular table foods right from the start? What about organic? GMOs? Is the meat I feed them ethically-sourced? Or should we be going full-on vegan? Is juice a good choice to keep kids hydrated, or are milk and water the only acceptable beverages?
Maybe a few generations ago, there wasn't so much debate on these topics. Moms just did what their mothers before them had done, or they followed along with the norms of their communities. The information age is a stressful time to be raising children.
My rambling point is, compared to the relative certainty I had about being a good employee, I find it nearly impossible to know how I'm doing as a mom. I have moments where I feel like, "oh yeah, I got this!" But there's no one here looking over my shoulder all the time to tell me if I'm doing things "right." And even if there was, I'd probably want to Google it to verify if my motherhood supervisor was really up to date on all the latest research. I don't have a lot of policies or procedures to follow. I won't know for a long time if my mothering work is really effective. I mean, how many people do you know who seem to be totally competent and kind parents but then their kids wind up making some rather unhealthy/undesirable life choices as they get older?
In my less angst-ridden moments, I try to remind myself of some general principles I want my kids to learn like, "be kind to others" and "think before you act." And I want to be sure I'm showing them lots of love along the way. But then I start to spin my wheels when I think about all the areas of their life I can't control. They could be the victim of a crime, or hurt in an accident, or contract a serious illness. What then? How can I reconcile my instinctual desire to protect them with the reality of life here on Earth?
Motherhood is a tough job.
Sunday, March 19, 2017
1.75 Years
Gus and Gibson are quickly approaching two years old. The other day, I tried to make a list of specific milestones and when they reached them, because I know I'll forget all the details eventually. Unfortunately, I already have forgotten when they started rolling over...maybe around 5 months? I can't find any photographic evidence, either. But luckily I do have pictures/videos of other important moments like first solid food. Oatmeal cereal...those were the days!
So, what are they up to at 21 months?
Physical skills: lots of climbing, running, and being busy little bees. Yesterday, Gus semi-ran down a hill without face planting, which was a first. Yay! They love climbing up and going down slides at the park. They've almost figured out how to jump in place, or at least bend their knees jumpishly.
Fine motor skills: definitely getting better at building with blocks. Recently I saw Gibson stack two little cubes of kiwi on his high chair tray. That seemed pretty good.
Finding things: since we have so much baby paraphernalia everywhere, it seems we are constantly looking for items, like snack cups, the other identical toy that brother has, missing socks, etc. They are both getting pretty good at retrieving lost items. I find this helpful because, really, if they misplaced their sock, shouldn't they be the one to find it anyway?
Playing together: I've really seen progress on this front in the last month. In general, they play together fairly well! They love to chase each other around the house, giggle about everything, and generally enjoy life together. Yes, they still fight, but it's not their default mode of interaction lately. Hip hip, hooray!
Watching TV: when they were sick a couple weeks ago, we watched a lot of TV. I try to point them to non-screen activities when they aren't sick. But I have noticed that they actually pay attention to TV now and will engage with whatever is on the screen, like talking to Daniel Tiger, pointing out interesting animals, or clapping along with music. It's cute, but at the same time makes me realize I want to be selective in what they are viewing, since they seem to understand it more now.
Language: Gibson is obsessed with saying "no." It's his answer to nearly every question. He'll be happily munching on food, and I'll say, "Oh, Gibson, do you like your snack? Is that yummy?" He shakes his head and says "no." Oh, personal autonomy :) I nod my head and say, "Yes! Oh, it's so tasty!"
Imagination: they love to pretend to cook food in their toy kitchen, then feed it to DF and me. They'll come running out from the playroom with their hands cupped. This means there is some imaginary food there that we must sample with enthusiasm. Then they giggle, run back, get more, and feed us again. This can continue for at least 10 minutes before they get bored and move on to a new activity.
Ewww: in the last couple of weeks, they've decided it is hilarious to drink their bath water. I tell them it's gross, but they just laugh and keep doing it. All our bath toys resemble cups, so that's not helping. I hope it's not going to hurt them too much to ingest a little soap.
So, what are they up to at 21 months?
Physical skills: lots of climbing, running, and being busy little bees. Yesterday, Gus semi-ran down a hill without face planting, which was a first. Yay! They love climbing up and going down slides at the park. They've almost figured out how to jump in place, or at least bend their knees jumpishly.
Fine motor skills: definitely getting better at building with blocks. Recently I saw Gibson stack two little cubes of kiwi on his high chair tray. That seemed pretty good.
Finding things: since we have so much baby paraphernalia everywhere, it seems we are constantly looking for items, like snack cups, the other identical toy that brother has, missing socks, etc. They are both getting pretty good at retrieving lost items. I find this helpful because, really, if they misplaced their sock, shouldn't they be the one to find it anyway?
Playing together: I've really seen progress on this front in the last month. In general, they play together fairly well! They love to chase each other around the house, giggle about everything, and generally enjoy life together. Yes, they still fight, but it's not their default mode of interaction lately. Hip hip, hooray!
Watching TV: when they were sick a couple weeks ago, we watched a lot of TV. I try to point them to non-screen activities when they aren't sick. But I have noticed that they actually pay attention to TV now and will engage with whatever is on the screen, like talking to Daniel Tiger, pointing out interesting animals, or clapping along with music. It's cute, but at the same time makes me realize I want to be selective in what they are viewing, since they seem to understand it more now.
Language: Gibson is obsessed with saying "no." It's his answer to nearly every question. He'll be happily munching on food, and I'll say, "Oh, Gibson, do you like your snack? Is that yummy?" He shakes his head and says "no." Oh, personal autonomy :) I nod my head and say, "Yes! Oh, it's so tasty!"
Imagination: they love to pretend to cook food in their toy kitchen, then feed it to DF and me. They'll come running out from the playroom with their hands cupped. This means there is some imaginary food there that we must sample with enthusiasm. Then they giggle, run back, get more, and feed us again. This can continue for at least 10 minutes before they get bored and move on to a new activity.
Ewww: in the last couple of weeks, they've decided it is hilarious to drink their bath water. I tell them it's gross, but they just laugh and keep doing it. All our bath toys resemble cups, so that's not helping. I hope it's not going to hurt them too much to ingest a little soap.
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