2.5 Years

I'm a few days early on this post, but we'll be in Oregon visiting family on the boys' actual half-birthday. Figured I better record these observations now so I don't forget later!

(For any of my newer readers, note that "Gus" and "Gibson" are blog pseudonyms for the twins. Hopefully you can figure out which one is which, if you know them IRL!)

As is my tradition, I shall now reflect on what the boys are up to these days. Two and a half is a pretty fun age, in my opinion. Yes, it's also dramatic. But for the most part, life is good. I decided to make a little chart here. (Hope it displays ok on whatever browser/device you're using.) I know the experts say not to compare your kids...that's really hard when you have twins, though! How else are you supposed to talk about them, when they're really similar?

Who does it more?	Gus	Gibson
Eats	x
Sleeps		x
Willing to try new foods		x
Fake cries when playing		x
Says "me first"	x
Uses the potty	x
Won't get in the bathtub		x
Afraid of cars in garage	x
Loves to read the Bible	x
Spins in circles		x
Obsessed with trucks	x	x
Says "hi" to strangers		x
Hesitant to go in the nursery	x
Devours lentils (seriously!)	x	x
Says "sorry" if it's warranted		x
Loves his blankie		x
Picks up toys	x

As you can see, they are certainly continuing to develop distinct personalities! It's interesting to me how they aren't exactly turning out the way I thought they would though, based on baby-hood. Gus used to be a bit more chill. As he's gotten older, I feel like he's embracing his role as the older brother, becoming bossy sometimes and demanding his own way. Since I'm also an oldest child, I can't really fault him for it, haha. Gibson, meanwhile, is kind of fulfilling his role as the baby of the family by being a little jokester! They both love to laugh, but Gibson especially has a humorous/mischievous streak about him.

Activities: playing all the time, everywhere. Current fixation is taking all the cushions/throw pillows off the couch to build houses, castles, cars, etc in the living room. They could do it all day long, except that they also fight a lot over who is going to use which of the (identical) cushions, among other things. 

Language: Since their pacifiers have been relegated to their cribs, I've definitely noticed an increase in their vocabulary. They can ask for a bunch of different foods/drinks, name animals, and tell you about various vehicles. And they use verbs, too :) The longest phrase I've heard one of them say is, "No, my wee-oo truck!" (that's a fire truck, if you don't speak toddler-ese). I try not to stress out when I hear other kids of a similar age stringing together whole sentences, though. We were at the library where a girl remarked, "This one doesn't fit" about a gear toy she couldn't get to work. Her mom said she's two and a half. I was like, wow! My kids would just say, "ahh!" or "help!" or "mama!" about that situation...

They understand some opposites like up/down, on/off, and empty/full. Hmm, but that might be more of a cognitive skill than language. I think they also know the numbers 1 and 2, sometimes.

Sleep: They are still taking an afternoon nap, thanks be to God, for about 2-3 hours. These days, they've been going to bed around 8:30-9pm and sleeping till 7:30-8am. I would prefer that schedule to shift a bit earlier, but it's working out ok so I won't complain. I usually am awake by 6:30am so I just try to get stuff done in the morning, quietly, before they wake up.

Eating: Per the above list, you'll note both kids love lentils - specifically, split red lentils, simmered in chicken broth, with curry powder. They've become increasingly picky, but they still like those legumes! Otherwise, they pretty much are subsisting on toaster waffles, peanut butter, dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, cashews, applesauce, and the occasional carrot. They don't like crunchy carrots, which means I'm still cutting them into pieces and steaming them. Way easier than purees, though! Oh yes, and they would eat popsicles and cookies all day, every day, if I would let them.

Social skills: We've had a few play dates lately where I've been able to watch them around other kids. It's kind of comical because they are fairly good about sharing with each other, but rather oblivious to sharing with new playmates. We were at a kid's house who had a ride-on toy car. Gus and Gibson kept hopping in and out of it, taking turns with each other. When I suggested that the other kids also wanted to play with the car, they were incredulous and protested loudly! 

At parks, they have started interacting positively with the other kids sometimes, especially older kids. They got into a game of chase/tag a few weeks ago with some kids who were about 8 or 9, and there was much giggling all around.

Physical development: According to the bathroom scale, Gus is 26 lbs and Gibson weighs in at 25. They are not quite 36" tall yet. (Learned that the hard way after we waited in line 20 minutes for the Ferris wheel at Knott's Berry Farm...) They're wearing size 2T for most clothes, though 18 months pants. Shoes are size 6 toddler. I wish their feet would hurry up and grow into size 7 b/c the size 7 shoes we have are way easier to get off and on than the 6s. Live and learn, Mom!

They can't jump yet. We just checked yesterday. Gibson stood on his tiptoes and laughed while DF and I hopped up and down. Gus just kept climbing on the couch cushions.

They're a lot better at running without falling/tripping these days, even going down an incline. That's a nice skill to have. Gus is decent at catching a ball from a close distance, but he thinks it's funnier to stand with his hands clasped together and laugh at you when you get ready to throw.

Emotions: parenting literature these days is all about teaching emotional intelligence/understanding/regulation, and I've totally jumped on that bandwagon. We talk about our feelings a lot. Here's a sample of what happened earlier today.

Me: "Gus, look at your brother's face. He has a sad face because you took the cushion he was using. Hmm..." <pause for comprehension> "What can you do to help him feel better?" 

Gus: thinks, then says, "Toys?" 

Me: "Gibson, do you want a toy?" 

Gibson, sighing sadly: "No" (Gibson has a reeeeeally good sad face, I must say) 

Me: "Gus, could you share the cushion?"

Gus: thinks a bit..."Uh huh. Share!"

Me: "Gibson, Gus says he can share the cushion with you! How do you feel now?"
Gibson: "Happy!"
Me: "Oh good, I'm glad you found a way to play together" <yes, that's a phrase from Daniel Tiger. I use it a lot.>

We also play a game where we make different faces, like happy, sad, angry, scared, and surprised. They seem to like it. 

So, there's life in a nutshell. I always like looking back at these reflection posts. Hope you enjoyed reading it, too :)

Mom Identity

It's strange to me that all the people I'm meeting in California only know me as a mom. I don't mean that I'm only a mother - it's just that they're getting to know me during this phase of life when being a mom is my primary identity. I still feel like an amateur parent quite often! And I've only been a mom for like 7% of my life at this point. I feel like I should introduce myself like this, "Hi, I'm Salmonista! I've moved around a lot and like making new friends. I probably used to be more interesting before I had kids. Now they're pretty much all I talk about. But I still have an independent identity buried in here somewhere! Let me just scrape off these soggy Cheerios and see if I can find it..."

So far, the majority of people I've befriended here are also parents, some with more years of experience than me. I suppose I'm viewing the people I meet through the lens of parenthood as well. We all have multiples factors that comprise our self-concepts; parenthood is one of many identity "hats" we wear. And yet, it's what we have in common.

Meanwhile, I'm starting to realize that I need opportunities to stretch my non-mom muscles from time to time. Back in Memphis, I had opportunities to press pause on the mom side of my brain when I was at choir practice or teaching English. As we get settled in to life in LA, I am on the lookout for ways I can engage in the world beyond the orbit of my two year olds. Don't get me wrong - I love my kids, and I usually am happy to spend time with them. But all day, every day just wears me out after awhile.

Not Yet

Do you ever get impatient with your kids? I don't mean in the "will you please finish your dinner??" sense - I'm thinking of waiting for them to achieve a milestone. I had a reminder today that I need to appreciate the season we're in without trying to push my kids to be older than they are.

Sometimes when I'm out with the boys and we're having fun, I think to myself, oh, we should stop at a coffee shop and get a little treat. I imagine us all sitting around a table together, nibbling on something sweet, and having good conversations about life. Obviously, that last part should have clued me in because the boys are just now starting to string three words together ("Mommy help me," Gus said at lunch today when he wanted me to feed him Cheerios. Yes, Cheerios for lunch. We are in a major breakfast-for-every-meal phase over here lately.)

This morning, we were walking home from our weekly free entertainment at a nearby mall. We'd had a good time giggling and dancing at the puppet show, and the boys seemed to be in a good mood. So I thought, hey, let's stop at Starbucks! (I was also motivated by the fact that I hadn't finished my morning coffee at home...)

First, the boys were excited to look at the display board outside with all the flavors of hot chocolate. (They thought they were cookies.) Then, when we went in, they said, "Wow!" I guess they were impressed by their first visit to Starbucks! They quickly started grabbing armfuls of biscotti off the counter and running around the cafe. Using my best calm-yet-authoritative mother voice, I said, "Boys, come here and stand by me." They scampered over. Phew! As I ordered my latte, I returned the biscotti to their shelf and picked out more kid-friendly cookies, chocolate dipped madelines. 

We took our treats outside (because it was 70 degrees, oh yeah, SoCal!) and sat around a table. They happily munched their cookies for about 2 minutes. I snapped some photos. Then the scene descended into CHAOS! Gus only ate the chocolate half of his cookie, then asked for more. Silly Mom, I had picked a package with three cookies. I told them they could share the last one. That was the WRONG ANSWER! They started screaming NO NO NO! as I broke the cookie and it came apart in four pieces. Huge tears! Gus reluctantly grabbed a piece with chocolate, but he wouldn't eat the plain parts. Gibson gobbled up the remaining 3/4 of the extra cookie, plus the original 1/2 that Gus refused to eat. So Gus was even MORE mad when he saw Gibson was still eating cookie while he had none. 

The only other snacks I had with me were Goldfish crackers. The kids informed me that those were NOT an acceptable alternative. At this point I'd had maybe one sip of my coffee, but it was obviously time to go home. I told the boys to go get in the wagon. Gus jumped down from his seat saying "button!" I thought he was going to go play with the donate-your-change-to-help-the-homeless meter next to our table, so I said ok and turned my attention to helping Gibson wipe up. Next thing I know, Gus had run over to the crosswalk and was yelling "Button! Button!" because obviously that's what he was talking about. "Gus!" I yelled. "Get back here!" A pedestrian looked on and probably wondered if he should stop this two year old from crossing the street by himself.

I got Gibson down from the chair and ran to grab Gus. Of course, the wagon was around the corner of the store, so I had to retrieve it. Gibson came with me. Gus stood by the window pointing inside exclaiming "Cookie! More cookie!" I got them both in the wagon and started heading home. We'd gone about half a block when I heard some unhappy squeals behind me. I turned to see Gus laying on top of Gibson, possibly chewing on him, while they both were hanging over the side of the wagon. An older gentleman passing by helpfully pointed out, "Hey, they're going to fall out." I ignored him and said to the boys in a less-than-calm-and-quite-authoritative mother voice, "Cut it out!"

We managed to get home with all our limbs intact. Then I gave them popsicles to eat on the balcony (because I'm sure more sugar will solve their problems...) while I finished my latte in relative peace.

In conclusion, I think I'll wait on my little dream of hanging out at a coffee shop with my kids until they are, hmm, at least 5 years old. Or maybe younger if I just have one of them with me!

Snippets of Toddler-hood

The boys are so creative and imaginative these days. Life is fun with two 2-year-olds! Here are a few things they've been pretending lately.

• Being a witch who blows bubbles on people/animals to turn them into frogs (idea came from their favorite episode of Bubble Guppies)
• Daddy is a car with a radio that plays music (Daddy helps out by singing "la la la")
• Everything becomes a bulldozer, dump truck, mixer truck, or other vehicle. Sandwich crusts are tow trucks, watermelon rinds are boats, etc 
• Fires, fires everywhere. They are constantly playing firefighter. Problem there is they get really mad when brother pretends to spray their head/face with a fire hose...
• They have babies growing in their tummies and are going to be daddies. Uh, what?? I don't know what prompted this one, except we did recently get a book with a pregnant person in it.
• Everything is a baby that cries, drinks a bottle, and needs a diaper change. Not just stuffed animals - a toy truck has also needed a bottle. This is cute until both of their babies start crying and they shove them into my arms! I tell them I already took care of twin babies so now it's their turn.

I'm tapping into the power of imagination for their own good. When we went to get flu shots last week, we practiced what we learned from Daniel Tiger - "Close your eyes and think of something happy." Gibson said he would think about a bulldozer. He only let out one little yelp when he got his shot! I was so proud of him, and of myself because apparently I did not pass on my childhood needle anxiety to him. Gus was a bit more, uh, expressive in his protests, but he still got a sticker at the end of the ordeal.

Action-Packed Day

I use this blog to remind myself of things that happen (example: I had totally forgotten how horrendous the end of DST was last year!), so I shall now chronicle what we did this past Sunday.

Uncle Junior Fuzzy flew down from Portland for the weekend for his birthday because he wanted to have some California fun! We did our best to entertain him. Usually on Sundays, we go to church and that's about it for the day. Instead, we decided to see how much we could get the kids to do before they lost it (or at least, that how it seems in hindsight).

The boys woke up earlier than usual due to the time change, so everyone was ready and raring to go before 9AM. First stop was Griffith Park. I did not realize how gigantic that place is! For my Memphis readers, it's nearly the same size as Shelby Farms in terms of acreage. Both parks also have numerous outdoor recreation options and are popular local attractions. That's about where the comparisons end, though. Griffith Park is up on a bunch of hills so you really can't get a sense of where anything is just by looking around. It's surrounded by densely populated neighborhoods, which means it's kind of tricky to get from one part to another.

At any rate, we decided to take in the views of the city from the highest point in the park, Griffith Observatory. Because I don't know how to read signs, I paid an unnecessary $4 for parking (meters weren't in effect yet). Oh well, it was my contribution to the parks budget. We walked around to check out the scenery.

Those big clouds never did rain on us

The observatory building didn't open till 10:00 but by then the kids and their uncle were ready to move on. So, we didn't get to see any of the interesting astronomy stuff inside. Some other day, I guess!

Junior Fuzzy was itching to watch the Rams' football game (he's a big fan), so our next stop had to include TVs tuned to the correct channel, food that all family members would eat, and a place for the kids to run around. We found all these + bonus of beer at Golden Road Brewing. I was impressed that it was such a family-friendly brewery! They have this whole covered patio area with corn hole, ping pong, giant Yahtzee, and probably other games I didn't notice. And, they were playing the Rams game. Everyone had fun! There was a birthday party for a three year old going on at the table next to us. Our kids had fun running around and chasing birds with the birthday party guests. 

At half time, we decided the kids needed a nap, so we headed back to Pasadena. I dropped off DF and JF at the Dog Haus so they could watch the second half of the game. (Now would probably be a good time to mention that we don't have cable, so that's why we were looking for restaurants to watch football.) Conveniently, they were able to walk home afterwards, then I made a quick Trader Joe's run. Well, semi-quick. The parking situation was ridiculous. Maybe that's normal for a Sunday afternoon? 

The boys slept forever, so by the time they woke up, we were ready to get some dinner. JF is a big fan of beans. I decided to introduce him to Salvadorean food at a place recommended to me as "authentic LA," Las Cazuelas. We arrived just before 5 but still had to wait 20 minutes for a table. Sheesh! We entertained the kids by walking around outside and looking in the windows of nearby shops. Dinner itself went OK. I really find it stressful to dine out in a restaurant with my children. This meal was no different. They only ate chips, though Gibson did dip his in beans at least. They wouldn't even taste their bean and cheese pupusa, even though I called it a "bean pizza." (They love pizza.) Instead, they ate peanut butter cracker sandwiches that I'd tossed in the diaper bag in case dinner was a bust. By the end of the evening, they were both crawling on the floor under the table yelling "Doo dah! Doo dah!" (This is their new favorite word. I do not know what it means, only that they think it is hilarious.) 

Let this be the record that we took our kids to do three different things in one day and lived to tell the tale! It helps that we had a 3 adult : 2 kid ratio going on, I'm sure :)

A Good Day

Das Fenster is back! Yay! He arrived home last week, and we're all glad to have him here again. The boys were kind of out of whack that first day - I think it finally hit them that Daddy had been gone so long. There was a lot of screaming and crying :(  But they've recovered now and are in much better spirits.

Yesterday, DF had the day off and we spent a lovely family day together. Having to be the solo parent for so long really makes me appreciate when both of us are here. I mean, life just seems so much easier when I don't have to do everything by myself! Here's what we did yesterday.

Morning
DF took the boys to the park for more than an hour, early in the day to beat the heat. While they were gone, I was able to reorganize the boys' closet (which we are using for storage) and move some boxes out of our room into theirs. This includes some under-the-bed boxes that I'd been wanting to put under their cribs for weeks, but I just wasn't interested in doing it when they were home because they'd want to dump out all the contents, pull the boxes out from under the cribs, shove them back in again, pinch their fingers, climb on the boxes, fall off, hurt their toes, etc...

I also vacuumed under all the furniture (found 20+ Cheerios under the couch) in addition to my regular vacuuming, and swept the non-carpeted floors. They still weren't home, so I just sat on the couch and enjoyed the peace and quiet.

After they got back and the boys ate a snack, they took all the cushions off the couch and jumped/rolled around for quite awhile. DF played with them; I mainly observed and provided comfort for all the minor injuries that ensued.

I can't remember what happened during lunch, but they must've eaten something and it wasn't a total disaster. Oh, I think they mainly had cantaloupe. They like to take the chunks of melon and drive them around their trays like trucks. It's pretty cute.

Afternoon
During nap time, I went to the grocery store by myself. I was able to pick a store that does not have huge shopping carts with two kid driving wheel seats. And, I could stop and consider products for as long as I wanted to make a selection. I think that's my favorite part of shopping by myself - having my whole brain available to think about what I'm buying. I have purchased the wrong item before when the kids were literally trying to jump out of the cart so I just grabbed something and hoped it was what I was looking for.

Instead, I stood in front of the butter/alternative butter section for quite awhile deciding which non-dairy option I was going to try. (I opted for Smart Balance, even though I was skeptical since it listed fish oil as an ingredient and I'm not really interested in adding sardine flavor to my English muffins. But, good news, it's pretty tasty and not fishy!) The only other person I had to be aware of during that time was the guy stocking the shelves near me. He seemed capable of handling life without my intervention. Good, good.

After shopping, I mopped the aforementioned non-carpeted floors (although I did not want to, but given the amount of orange juice that gets sloshed around the kitchen, a once-weekly mopping schedule is necessary). Then I read an easy-breezy fiction book for awhile.

When the kids woke up, we all went up to the pool to go swimming. Can I just tell you, it is soooo much easier to take them swimming with a 1:1 ratio? Wow, how did I forget that?! There were a fair number of people at the pool, probably since the temperatures were soaring over 100. We tried a new technique for post-swim time where we brought their diapers and clothes up to the pool with us and changed them there, rather than making them walk back to the apartment dripping and shivering. It was remarkably successful! They liked lounging poolside and drying off, too.

Later, DF entertained the boys while I got dinner ready. I surreptitiously ate a burrito while they watched cartoons, so I wasn't starving while trying to feed them. Score! The boys enjoyed smooshing refried beans everywhere during their meal.

Evening
We decorated little pumpkins by drawing on them with Sharpies, and they also colored pictures of pumpkins that I drew. Then they ran around the house with their pumpkins saying, "Spooky! Boo!" They think that pumpkins are supposed to be scary, based on an episode of Bubble Guppies. We got some cute pictures of them with their gourds.

The rest of the evening was unspecified play time with blocks, books, pretend cooking, and general two year old silliness. We probably watched more cartoons, though I don't exactly recall.

They were in bed shortly after 8, and DF and I were able to have a normal conversation without any particular agenda or needing to make decisions/plans. It was like two friends talking to each other. Wowzers! I wrapped the day up by going to bed early to try and catch up on sleep after a not very restful night a couple days before.

All in all, a good day :)

Home Stretch

I'm happy to say that we'll be welcoming DF home later this week, barring any travel delays. Hooray, the boys and I have almost survived this month and a half of his deployment! At first, it was really hard. Then it got better. Now it seems almost normal. We're all looking forward to having him back, and I'm sure we can adjust to a new normal with a 4-person family.

In time, I suppose I'll look back on this season as a monumental event in our family's life. But in living it, I've just been trying to get through one day at a time. Now that it's almost over, I thought I'd reflect on some of the highlights.

Visitors

My sister, cousin, and mom all came to visit during this time and it was awesome! I didn't expect visitors to come so soon after we moved, but I guess people took pity on me :) It was really nice to have extra hands around to help out. I was able to accomplish such tasks as picking up dry cleaning, retrieving packages from the leasing office, exchanging items purchased in error because I couldn't read the fine print and keep my kids from destroying a store at the same time, going grocery shopping by myself, etc. You know, glamorous stuff!

Exploring the Area

I don't mind taking the kids to most parks or libraries by myself, but there are other places that I'm not interested in attempting solo. With the visitors in town, we were able to check out the Natural History Museum, the San Gabriel Mission, and the beach (Santa Monica). Wow, LA sure has a lot to offer!

Making Friends

Since I enjoy talking to people who can form complete sentences and discuss complex ideas (as contrasted with my usual conversations of "choo choo! choo choo!"), I have joined a couple moms' groups here to try and meet other grown ups. I'd say that, compared to Memphis, people seem a little more open in talking about real life stuff, but not quite as friendly as Southerners overall. So, I'm still working on that front, but I think I have some good potential connections in the works. At least people are accepting my Facebook friend requests, so I'm going to take that as a good sign :) And I randomly reconnected with a friend from college who lives in the area, which was cool.

Connecting with the Kids

I've heard you are supposed to spend one-on-one time with your kids to be a good parent, but that's rather tricky in my situation. Sometimes one of them wakes up earlier than the other from nap time - today it was Gibson. So I got him up and said, "Since Gus is still asleep, you get to have special time with Mommy! What do you want to do?" He wanted to play with some toy animals, which was fine until I made the elephant pretend to eat a snack and Gibson got all pouty and sad. Really not sure what I did wrong there... Then I asked him if we should wake up Gus, and he excitedly ran into the bedroom. Apparently he was craving brother time, not mom time! At any rate, I've tried to spend lots of time playing with them (together), reading stories, coloring pictures, going on walks, and all that good stuff. 

Creative Problem Solving

Without DF around to bounce ideas off of, I've been left to my own devices with these two little munchkins. Bedtime has been extra...interesting. Back in Memphis, we had a pretty good routine going on that required the full involvement of both parents. So not only have I had to adapt to doing it all by myself, but the boys are also getting more creative in their bedtime stalling techniques, which requires a new level of strategizing! 

For example, I've figured out if I let them sit on the bathroom counter with their feet in the sink, then they will let me brush their teeth. (I used to be able to kind of hold them down and force the toothbrush in their mouth, but they are getting too strong for me, so I have to use psychological techniques. And DF is the one with a degree in psychology, not me...!) Then we used to sit in our glider chair for story time (all 3 of us), but that wasn't working. I tried having the boys sit in the chair with me on the floor, but once one of them flopped over the side and landed on his head, I decided that wasn't the best approach. Now, we all sit on the floor together while I read two stories - they each pick one. (Of course, then they both want to read a bunch more...) And while typing the above I literally thought of 5 more things that are different than Memphis, but I'm going to stop the list there because, well, it's becoming obvious that I didn't get to talk to any adults today, isn't it? ;)

Bye Bye Binky

(That title is a total misnomer, BTW, but it's just too alliterative to pass up. We never called pacifiers "binkies" and we also haven't said an official goodbye.)

Good news! Operation Gently Limit Pacifier Usage was a success! Honestly, I can hardly believe it worked. I was sure I was going to be surrounded by much wailing and gnashing of teeth, but the whole thing went rather smoothly.

Since I know you're curious, here's how it went down. Yes, I took notes. Detailed notes. I cope with stress by collecting data and being analytical, ok?

Saturday (9/23/17)
Watch Sesame Street video clip of Elmo getting rid of his pacifier. (Episode #4264, if you are wondering. I could only find a bootlegged version on YouTube that I shall not link to, so as not to incur the wrath of the copyright police.)

Talk about how Gus and Gibson are going to keep their pacifiers in bed from now on, not walk around with them in their mouths. They look worried and say, "no."

Sunday (9/24)
When I pick them up from the church nursery, Gus is whimpering and asking for his pacifier, which he somehow lost over the course of the morning. Seeing his sad face makes me more committed to my goal, because I know he can have fun playing in the nursery without a pacifier.

After nap, watch Elmo episode again. Sing the "Bye, bye Binkie" song. [Aside: it is not to the tune of Bye Bye Birdie, although you'd imagine it would be...] I tell them that tomorrow, the pacifier has to stay in bed and they can only use it during sleep time. I say that I want to hear them talk more. They say "ok" but keep happily slurping away on pacis.

Eat frozen bananas for dinner. That's it.

5:55pm (as my stress level rises, the log gets more detailed)
Sing Bye Bye Binky again. Tell them again about leaving pacifiers in bed tomorrow. Apparently they don't understand "tomorrow," because they both take pacis to bed and drop them over the side. Then they ask for a popsicle. Wow! High fives all around!

We then successfully go to the grocery store without pacifiers, which is totally shocking. I have some in my pocket but never have to pull them out.

7:15pm
Back from the store. Boys look at pacifiers in bed and repeatedly ask for them. I try comforting them with toys and blankies, but it doesn't work. I explain if they need pacifier time, it's ok, but they have to stay in their beds with pacis.

7:20pm
Gibson up for a snack

7:24pm
Gus jealous that Gibson got to go on the balcony, so he gets up too

7:43pm
Both back in bed with pacifiers. Gibson was the instigator.

7:44pm
Gus wants more melon. Gibson stays put.

7:46pm
Gus back to pacifier

7:49pm
Both up to play choo choo (where they line up their toy boxes and pretend it's a train)

Pacifier-free until bedtime at 8:30pm

*I'm now going to abbreviate pacifier as P*

Monday (9/25)
7:35am
Gus gets up and leaves P in bed. Gibson up a few minutes later

7:50a
Gus asks for P, back in bed

7:53a
Gus up because he wants to watch me make coffee

8:03a
Breakfast time, then no one asked for P afterwards!

8:50a
Still no Ps! They have stripped themselves down to just diapers but whatever works!

9:09a
They're playing nicely in their bedroom. I say, "I really like hearing you talk more!" They respond by asking for Ps. Oops, guess that backfired.

Gus gets up for about 10 minutes to get dressed and play, but Gibson won't budge.

9:26a
I try a new approach - I leave their room while they sit in cribs with Ps. Tell them to let me know when they want to get up.

9:34a
I hear giggling. Go in to find that Gus has taken off his diaper and, well, you can guess what he's playing with. Good Lord, now Gibson is copying him!

9:41a
Both finally up and dressed, no Ps. Eating popsicles.

Go to library for art time. This turns out to be an extreme test of my patience and willpower, but we make it without Ps. Have to let them cry in the van on the way home and empathize that their Ps are at home in bed.

11:30a
Gus requests P when we get home but only stays in bed for one minute. Tell him I'm proud of him. Gibson is eating lunch, no P.

11:55a
Gus slightly bumps head and requests an ice pack (not P)!

Afternoon nap with Ps, get up after nap time with just a few extra P minutes

3:25pm
I tell them we need to go to Costco. Gus replies by asking for P. Gibson also wants P time, then drinks juice.

No Ps from 3:40-6:10pm but OMG very stressful outing! Ice cream everywhere! I try to take them to the snack bar to get dinner. They see a picture of ice cream on the menu. Silly me, I order it, thinking we can have it for dessert after they eat pizza. Instead, Gibson only eats ice cream for dinner, and that's mostly with his hands rather than the perfectly functional spoon that was provided. Gus eats ice cream first, then wants pizza. Gibson is not interested in sitting around waiting for Gus to finish, so he plays with the garbage cans instead. (Also, FYI the Alhambra, CA Costco is a total zoo no matter what time of day you go there.)

6:10pm
Both are screaming when we get home. I suggest P time. They calm down in a few minutes.

7:40pm
Gus needs about 2 minutes of P time after bath. He is usually really grumpy about getting out of the bath, and tonight is no exception.

8:30pm
Ps in for the night.

Observations:
They seemed to fall asleep faster today for nap and bedtime than usual
Total (awake) pacifier time estimated at less than 1 hour. Whoa! I thought it would be way higher

===
Ok, if you have read this far, I think you're part of my hard core fan club, so I thank you for your support and patronage! :) I'll just summarize the remaining days here for you.

Tuesday (9/26)
Both boys ask for P during breakfast. I feed them more food and that seems to work.

I put them in bed for 5 minutes of P time so I can finish vacuuming. Who's the real addict here??

When they are screaming, I ask if they want Ps, but they say no. Play with Kindles instead.

Both in cribs with Ps, and they each have one leg up over the side. They haven't figured out how to climb out of cribs yet. Oh dear...

I make sure to praise them at bedtime for how they are doing so well at leaving Ps in bed, talking more, and being big boys.

Wednesday (9/27)
I have a moms' group this morning, and the boys go to childcare with no Ps and no drama. I'm shocked!

Now that they can talk more, they're sort of driving me insane. I bet they said "Mommy" 100 times each during our evening trip to the park...

Just a few short incidents of pacifier time today. Usage is definitely decreasing.

Thursday (9/28)
Both suddenly request P time while watching TV in the afternoon. It was after two repair people had come to fix something in the apartment. Related?
=====

And now, here we are, October 6 and the boys seem like they've adapted to the pacifier restrictions. They hardly ask for pacifier time at all during the day. They're still pumped to get a paci for sleep time, so I hope we're back to that item being a sleep association. I'm in no hurry to 100% get rid of pacifiers. That will come when we're all ready.

Overall, I'm surprised that it went as well as it did. This was my first real attempt at explaining something to the boys and then having them demonstrate they understand by their actions. (I mean, a complex idea like "Pacifiers stay in bed," not "Throw this wrapper in the garbage can." It gives me hope for the future that, someday, we'll be able to have real conversations where we actually communicate with each other!

Parenting at the Park

We spend a lot of time exploring the parks around our new neighborhood. I've really got to hand it to the city of Pasadena - they are doing an awesome job in the parks department! This city of just over 140,000 residents has 23 parks. Wow! (We've ventured slightly further afield to South Pasadena, and their parks are also pretty cool.)

Let me describe a typical park here for you.

• Two play structures - one for ages 2-5, and one for ages 5-12 
• Bark chips covering the ground
• Shade trees
• Variety of items to climb up, over, and through - plus slides
• Swings
• Maybe a sand play area, or water, or see-saw
• A couple driving wheels
• Nice landscaping
• Clean and well-maintained 

And don't forget all of this is outside under that gorgeous California sun! Can you tell I'm enjoying our SoCal lifestyle?? :)

Now, let's talk about what parents do at the park. Usually we encounter lots of other toddlers and preschoolers at parks, since we tend to go in the mornings. I've observed these cultural norms so far:

• Parent has a beverage with them, usually coffee
• It's not all moms. I see lots of dads, and some grandmas, grandpas, and nannies. And I see two parents more often that I would have expected on weekdays.
• Most people have 1 kid, some 2. We've actually met a lot of twins!
• Parent follows child around the play area
• Parent engages child in playing and talking 
• Many people speak languages other than English
• Parent feeds child a snack. Most extreme example of this I've seen was the dad trailing his kid with a yogurt parfait from McDonald's, trying to get the child to take bites while playing
• Child is often dressed more warmly than my kids (long pants/sleeves even when I think it's warm)
• Parent intervenes quickly in fights/sharing disputes amongst children
• Children in the sand area are expected to share their toys with others
• Parent takes pictures of child
• Parent intermittently looks at phone, but most parents aren't totally sitting on a bench zoned out in phone land

Meanwhile, I don't bother bringing any beverages with me because I need both arms free for catching my little daredevils! Gus totally flung himself headfirst down a big slide yesterday while Gibson was off and climbing up a 5-foot tall apparatus. At least I can tell they're getting better at climbing with all this practice, but more confident, too...eek!

toddler-friendly play area, except for that ladder-like part where 

Gibson got to the top and tried to jump off

Rabbit Trails of Parenting

We've been in our new state for more than a month now, and I've decided it's time to get a handle on life. They say that when you move to a new place, you're supposed to go through a "honeymoon" period. Hmm, I guess I was pretty excited about the palm trees and sunsets the first few days. But once DF left town, we crashed into crisis/frustration/depression mode rather quickly. Last week, Auntie Hipster came to visit and buoyed all our spirits! So now I'm ready to recommit to being a good mom and move out of survival mode.

Goal #1: Break the all-day-and-night pacifier habit. 

Seriously, it's bad. We've already struggled with this issue before, but with the move, wow, things really got out of hand. When we were driving all day, it was easy to pop in a pacifier to keep them content in the back seat. But once we arrived to our new home, well, the whining just seemed to increase. Everything was new, and I could tell they felt unsettled. So I got more and more lax about restricting pacifier usage. Since DF's been gone, I admit that I haven't been coping as well I could be and just didn't feel like listening to fussing. It got to the point that as soon as a meal was over, they're saying "fa-fye, fa-fye" (that means pacifier). Their speech is nearly incomprehensible with a blob of silicone in their mouths, and I've decided it's time I enforce some limits around here. Also, I feel the invisible peer pressure of none of the other kids at the park walking around with pacis...Californians!

Anyway, that's a long backstory to explain why I was Googling "pacifier weaning methods" recently. The internet helpfully informed me that I never should have let my kids use a pacifier to begin with, or if I did I certainly should have weaned them off it by 6 months. Um yeah, thanks internet.

Then before I knew it, I'm reading articles about the brain damage I'm inflicting by letting them watch TV. And then I find out people think the way I'm feeding them is all wrong. And after that there's another rabbit trail or two. Soon, I'm overwhelmed and feeling like a failure as a mother.

But wait, I tell myself. The internet doesn't know everything. Parents have to make the best decisions with the resources they have available to them. Right now,  I'm trying to help my kids (and myself) adjust to a new environment. Maybe I'll make some trade-offs, like more TV time than we used to have, and eating more chicken nuggets, but we also play outside more too since the weather is nicer here. I mean, I am literally spending all day, every day with them right now. Mama's gotta stay sane somehow.

For now, operation Gently Limit Pacifier Usage is underway. It's a bit too early to report on its outcome. I'll let you know how it goes, and in the meantime, I'll try not to Google too many parenting-related questions.

Modern Living with Toddlers

I'm really digging living in a modern apartment building. This complex was built in 2006, which is like a full half-century later than our previous residence's birthdate. I mean, I'm not knocking our old house in Memphis. For a place built in the 50s, it was pretty good. It was full of charm and character, like the built in telephone nook in the hallway and the wonky wiring. Take the kitchen, for instance. There were a total of 4 outlets in the whole kitchen. I mean, like plugs. So two outlets with two plugs each. And the washing machine was plugged in to one of them, so that left 3 available for general use (including the microwave).

Meanwhile, I just counted the plugs in my new kitchen and there are 14 plugs. Whoa! 14, just in the kitchen! And the microwave is mounted above the stove so it isn't even using up a counter top plug. It feels so luxurious! Right now I have a phone charger, coffee pot, and toaster plugged in. There's still space to power up all my other kitchen appliances if my heart desired! (Note: I am not confident the fuse box could handle all that excitement.) I've even gotten into using the "delay brew" feature on my coffee pot, since I can prep it the night before and leave it plugged in. As I'm typing this, I realize there's no reason I could not have done this in Memphis, too...oh well, I shall enjoy it now ;)

At any rate, access to electricity is a bonus of living in a huge apartment complex. One of the downsides, I'm finding, is that it's such a production to leave the apartment, particularly when it's just me and the boys. Here's how a trip to the store looks.

Goal: get two toddlers, one mother, and one wagon from a 3rd floor apartment into the van parked in the garage on level P3. Go to store. Buy groceries. Return to apartment with all humans + groceries intact.

First, we get ourselves and our stuff ready to go, which is really a separate subject. To reach the garage, we have to walk down the hall and around the corner to the elevator. There are I think 4 apartments between us and the elevator (on each side of the hall). We're usually taking the wagon with us, so that means the boys have to fight over who is going to pull it, then flop down in the middle of the hall and refuse to walk regardless of if they got their way or not. Also they stop at every door to point at the doorbell and say "ding dong," and they also need to point out all the fire extinguishers/fire hose hook ups by saying "wee-ooh" like a fire truck. Oh, and lately Gibson has insisted on taking his big, fuzzy blankie everywhere we go, so that's in the wagon as well. Once we get to the elevator, we've got to try and only push the down arrow button.

When the elevator arrives, we have to get all 3 people + a big wagon on board. This is more difficult when there are other passengers. Then the kids have to try and push all the buttons, including the alarm. Once we finally get down to the parking garage, someone is usually too captivated by buttons to exit the elevator, but the other one bolts out the door. So I'm standing there blocking the door from closing, grabbing one kid while hollering at the other to stay close to me.

We make our way over to the van, possibly fighting about the wagon again. I buckle them in to their car seats as quick as I can, but I have to keep the other kid from running around the semi-busy garage. I try not to let kid #2 wait in the car while #1 is getting buckled bc inevitably they crawl up to the driver's seat and push all the buttons/pull all the levers while chirping, "drive! drive!" and #1 gets jealous and then *really* won't let me fasten his buckle.

Ok, so now we're all in the car and can proceed to the grocery store. That part is relatively similar to Memphis, I'd say. I still use our double stroller in the store bc they have not quite shown themselves mature enough to handle riding in a cart together if they aren't both buckled in...but they are becoming more and more resistant to the stroller, so I might need to explore other options soon.

Once we have all our groceries and load back up in the car, we head home. Now, we have to reverse the process to get back upstairs from the parking garage, except at this point the wagon is half-full of food that the boys want to take out and inspect. I try to get both of them to squeeze into the remaining space. Usually at least one of them hops out while we approach the elevator so he can push the buttons.

As we get close to our apartment, they remember our neighbor around the corner who has a decorative fountain (no water) with glass pebbles in front of their door. Why, oh why, must you have such an enticing display, dear neighbor? The boys take off squealing and running around the corner while I say, "Boys! Only look at the rocks, no touching! Just say hi to the rocks!" They don't heed my directions, but rather gleefully toss handfuls of pebbles across the hallway. I let them have their moment while I drag the wagon into our apartment, then I go and grab them and return the rocks. They both insist on ding-donging our doorbell before coming inside.

Whew! After all that, it's time for a rest, I'd say!

3 Days Down

And then there was that time when the twins were two and we moved across the country and like two weeks later, DF had to leave town for a month and a half...

At least, that how I assume this story will be told decades from now.

Hurricane Harvey, I'm sure you've heard, left a giant swath of destruction in its wake. The cleanup and recovery efforts required will be massive. DF works for the federal government, and he's part of a team of employees who have volunteered to be deployed to assist in these situations. Well, last week he got word to stand by for orders. He flew out over the weekend to a central assembly area where he's meeting up with his team to be sent out to help. 

We aren't sure exactly when he'll be back. His presence was requested for "up to 45 days." I don't know if that means they'll need him for the full amount of time, or he'll be back sooner, or they might ask if he can stay longer. For now, I'm just going to assume it's approximately 6 weeks. And I can't help but recall that's the same amount of time the boys were in the NICU. 

On the one hand, I'm really proud of him for his dedication to serving his country, which started during his military days and continues on in his civilian career. He's calm and level headed in times of crisis, and he's a strategic thinker. He'll be a great asset to his team!

On the other hand, I wish this storm hadn't been so horrible and affected so many people. I wish DF didn't have to go at all. And I really wish this wasn't all happening right after we relocated to a new place where we hardly know anyone.

So far, the boys and I have survived three days of being alone together. I know that I'm not a "single parent." I'm grateful not to have the added pressure of financially providing for my family. But the longest I've ever had to be the solo parent is one week, and that was back in Memphis where we had lots of friends to visit and activities to occupy our time. It's a whole new ballgame here.

<As I write this, I'm intermittently hopping up to comfort Gus and convince him to go to sleep. He's had a rough time sleeping lately. Maybe it's because Daddy is gone...?>

Here's what we have been up to:

Day 1: Sunday

• DF departed at an ungodly hour
• The kids and I attended a church that we have visited before. I didn't have it in me to try a Sunday School class by myself, so I just went to the service. Then during coffee hour (outside, 90 degrees at 10 am) I sat under a tree and tried to enjoy a few peaceful moments to myself (the nearby freeway traffic notwithstanding).
• While the boys napped, I read a parenting article that basically said, "I like being needed as a mom because my kids need ME and only ME and that makes me feel special." I found this strangely encouraging and did my best to savor my time with my children for the rest of the day, reminding myself that they'll never be this young again.
• Got brave and walked with the boys to Whole Foods, just a couple blocks away. It was not a total disaster, but also could've been better. I made mental notes for next time as I stuffed cookies in their mouths to keep them from hopping out of the wagon on the walk home. Later realized I forgot to check out their whole bean coffee selection, which had been one of my main goals of the trip. 

Day 2: Monday

• Let's just call this, the day when reality hit and none of us coped very well. 
• Got out of the house briefly to visit the park across the street but we were all overheating by 9:30am
• Made a grocery store run in the afternoon
• Otherwise, the kids were alternating between watching videos, fighting with each other, eating snacks, and getting in to everything that is a no-no. 
• I read them stories, played pretend games, intervened in fights, ignored fights, tried but failed not to yell at them, ate too much junk food, and generally wished the day was over. 
• Bath time went better than usual - the end of bath tends to elicit much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Day 3: Tuesday

• I decided to make more of an effort today. They aren't going to MDO anymore, so I should probably try to stimulate their brains a bit...
• Since the heat wave finally seems to have lifted, I thought maybe we'd hang out at a different park and I'd pack a picnic lunch. Well, I asked the boys and they said they didn't want to go to the park ("no!"), so then I decided not to try too hard and instead just took them to the neighborhood park. They lasted nearly an hour! I brought their dump trucks and toy dustpans so they could play with the bark chips. That was a hit. 
• I tried to do a craft project I heard about, making "instruments" out of plastic containers and household items. I used dry rice, lentils, and pasta. Lately the kids won't eat any of these items cooked, but apparently in their raw form, they are desirable snacks. So that led to some screaming when I wouldn't let them choke themselves on the craft. But, they did still sort of have fun making noise.
• We made grandparents' day cards, although Gibson did most of the coloring. Gus was more into hoarding all the crayons.
• Ran errands including a stop at Walgreens that for some reason had no regular sized carts for kids to ride in! :-O I managed to keep them from destroying the store and feel that I deserve several pats on the back for that! I grabbed two containers of dental floss and put them both in charge of holding one :)
• Went to Chick-Fil-A for dinner. Technically, we played in the play area then picked up food from the drive through on our way home because the inside line was just too long for us to wait.

Ok, that's the log so far. Obviously, I have no one to talk to about the minutiae of my daily life, so thank you all for reading along, ha ha. I'll try to make some more California observations next time.

Earbuds and Not Being an Anomaly

Part I
Why does everyone in Pasadena walk around with earbuds in their ears? That's my latest question about life here. Technically, it's not everyone, but the proportion is much higher than in Memphis. I have a few hypotheses.

• I live by a train station, so the people I see walking around are commuters listening to music/podcasts
• People are on their way to or from working out so they are rocking out to their warm up/cool down music
• They have iPhones and they want to be able to take calls easily
• No one wants to talk to anyone else

I mean seriously, one of our movers had his earbuds in the whole time he was unloading our stuff. That didn't seem very friendly. But also, he didn't really seem to speak English, so maybe he was wearing them as a way to fend off my attempts at conversation.

Part IIOn a totally different subject, so far it's been interesting living in a place where many residents are also transplants. I've come across a handful of native Californians, but the majority of people I've met are originally from somewhere else. So when I say that I just moved from Tennessee, I get responses like, "Oh, I grew up in Virginia," or "My aunt lives in Chattanooga," or, "We moved here from Boston 10 years ago," etc.

No one yet has gaped at me and said, "MEMPHIS??!! Why did you guys (y'all) move HERE??!!" That's the reaction I often got about our last move, except it was SEATTLE??!! Most people just ask if it was work that brought us here, and they don't seem shocked at all about it.

My point is, Los Angeles metro is a place where lots of people are moving all the time, for all sorts of reasons. Memphis, by contrast, has a smaller in-migration effect going on. Sure, people still move there, but it doesn't have the pulling power of Southern California. I guess we're more "normal" here with our nomadic lifestyle, ha ha.

SoCal: An Introduction

DF, Gus, Gibson and I survived our epic cross-country road trip from Tennessee to California! Wow, that was a long drive - just over 2,000 miles. We arrived last Thursday afternoon.

As is my predilection, I'm analytically observing my new environment and trying to get a feel for the place. So far, I'd say it's quite different than Memphis! Here are some things I've noticed.

Urban living
We're in a big (300+ units) apartment complex in downtown Pasadena. Within a 5-10 minute walk, I can visit countless restaurants, coffee shops, bars, grocery stores, gas station, a park, retail stores, and office buildings. Or, I could catch the light rail train right at our building to go lots of other places in the metro area.

In Memphis, we lived in a single family house on a quiet side street of a residential neighborhood. There was a church 2 blocks over. The closest commercial structure was a gas station about half a mile away. There was a bus line on a nearby major street, though I never did ride it...

I've taken the boys out for a couple walks around the new neighborhood in their wagon. They seem mesmerized by all the people and activity! Actually, Gibson gets a little overwhelmed. As we approached the elevator this morning, he looked nervous and asked, "people?" Yes buddy, we're going to see lots of people out and about!

Diversity
I can't help but notice how many Asian people are in this neighborhood! When we moved from Seattle to Memphis, it was weird to not see Asian people very often. I know there are some people of Asian heritage in the mid-South, but the percentage is way lower than in the greater Seattle area. Well apparently, lots of Asian people live and/or visit Pasadena because I keep seeing them everywhere. I'm trying not to do a double take all the time but I keep thinking I'm in Memphis and saying, "Wow!" in my head.

There are also all sorts of different people here - younger, older, Hispanic/Latinx, African-American, White, homeless, tattooed, pierced, sharply dressed, speaking languages I don't recognize, with dogs in tow, pushing strollers, in a hurry, staring at their phones, ambling with friends, etc. I'm loving it!

Food
Having little kids who don't enjoy sitting still, we're not exactly in a position to explore new restaurants as easily as when we moved to Memphis (where we ate BBQ like 9 times in the first 13 days or something like that!) We have managed to try El Pollo Loco, which I'd describe as fancy fast Mexican food, kind of like Chipotle with more choices. The grownups thought it was tasty! The boys liked dumping cups of water all over the place.

There's a wood-fired pizza restaurant right next to our apartment. It smells delicious. They don't do carry out, though, so we'll have to brave it with the kids sometime when they've settled in to CA life.

-------------

I have tons more thoughts about the move, but they're still tumbling around in my brain at the moment. I'll attempt to distill them in future posts. For now, I'll say that moving is stressful and living in a huge apartment complex will take some adjusting. I'm doing my best to be resilient in the face of challenges. I think that will get easier when the movers deliver our belongings on Wednesday and I'm no longer sleeping on a leaky air mattress...

Cue the Nostalgia

We're preparing to depart from Memphis in just about 2 weeks! Predictably, I'm getting all sentimental about what we'll leave behind...

Sounds
Memphis, the home of the blues. The birthplace of rock 'n' roll. The city's got a great vibe!

• WEVL, our local volunteer radio station. They place a huge variety of music, from bluegrass to swing to trippy electronica. I especially like their old-timey gospel music show on Sunday AM.
• The music at church (not just the choir, lol) - so many talented musicians play there!
• Cicadas, nature's buzzing harmonicas
• Thunderstorms, although my kids are starting to be scared of thunder so perhaps that's not a super sad one to bid farewell

Sights
To be honest, I've had to adjust my field of vision living here - I've never spent so long in a place that's so flat! When we first came here and I'd be driving on a overpass, I'd look around to see the mountains. But there are none. It's different, but I got used to it eventually. Here are some views I'll miss:

• The mighty Mississippi River flowing under wide bridges
• Crepe myrtle trees blooming for months on end
• The huge leafy trees in my neighborhood, especially as they change colors in the fall

Tastes
Everything. All the food. Seriously, Southern cuisine is the best ever! I hope that some Southern transplants to CA have restaurants where I can fill my cravings for turnip greens, smoked meats, fried okra, banana pudding, etc etc etc

Smells
The scents of tasty food fill our neighborhood, such as:

• The smoke from Corkys BBQ as you drive down Poplar. Smoked meat should be one of Memphis's official scents :)
• The aroma of Gibson's Donuts wafting over to the Kroger parking lot 

Touch?
I'm not sure I have anything specific for this last sense that I'll actually miss. I'm just fine with leaving behind the sticky summers, where you feel the sweat pool on your skin after a few minutes outside...

Oh, I know I'll miss the feeling of hugging our Memphis friends! Does that count?

"You'll Just Know"

I was chatting with a friend who's expecting her first child. I told her one of the most confusing parts of being a parent is that things are always changing. And, when you ask people for advice about how to deal with these changes, they say, "Oh, you'll just know!"

Guess what? You won't. Not always.

Ok, perhaps there are some parents out there who used to work in daycares, or had a bunch of younger siblings/cousins, or babysat all the time, or have infant ESP. Maybe those people intuitively know what their babies need. But this mom? I was (am) flying by the seat of my pants most of the time.

(Also, I think some of the "you'll just know" crowd are ladies who are now grandmothers and who've forgotten what daily life with little ones is really like...)

Take sleeping, for instance. Since a newborn sleeps a lot, it's important to know what works best for your baby. Let me emphasize the extent to which I DID NOT KNOW what I was doing on the sleep front. Why? A) I was sleep deprived myself. B) There were two babies. C) They kept changing what they wanted. D) There is no consensus in the "sleep expert" community. E) Every baby is different.

So what did we do? We experimented. We tried various sleep locations - swing, bouncer, pack-n-play, crib. We swaddled in blankets. We swaddled in velcro sleep sacks. We bought blackout curtains and a white noise machine for the nursery. We used different types of pacifiers. We rocked them to sleep. We let them cry (a little). We drove them around in the van.

Eventually, through trial and error, we found some methods to get our kids to sleep that were effective. Yay! But then we had to deal with nap transitions. That's another area where people love to tell you, "you'll just know when it's time." Uh, negatory, good buddy! Here's my thought process.

Hmm, Gus took about 20 minutes to fall asleep. That's a long time. I wonder if I need to move his nap back a bit? Meanwhile, Gibson fell right to sleep, but he woke up 30 minutes before his brother. So let's try pushing nap time a little later to see if we can get them to sync up. But I need them to be awake for at least 3 hours between naps, and then we're running into dinner time...hmm...

My powers of observation informed me there was a problem brewing, but my motherly intuition didn't immediately tell what to do. Instead, I formed a hypothesis about a solution which required further field testing. Ultimately, I suppose I learned that you can't really control your kids, even when they are infants. And although the craziness of multiple nap schedules makes you want to pull your hair out when you're going through it, that phase of life doesn't really last too long.

How did I arrive at that conclusion? I just know :)

Goodbye vs. See You Later

For a kid who spent the first 18 years of her life in the mid-Willamette valley, I sure have moved a lot in the subsequent 18(+) years. Here's a brief synopsis of where my moves have taken me: OR-WA-DC-WA-TN-soon to be CA. And there was also 1 college semester abroad in Costa Rica, if you want to count it :)

I've moved for school, for love, and for work (or more accurately, husband's job). Thanks to social media, I've been able to keep in touch with family and friends across the miles. And sometimes I've been fortunate enough to return for visits to places I've left behind. When I departed DC for Seattle, for instance, I had no idea that I'd be flying back to our nation's capital a mere 6 months later to attend a conference for my new job!

When we moved from Seattle to Memphis four years ago, I kept my same job; I just transitioned to working from home. Before we even loaded up our moving truck, I already had plane tickets purchased to fly back to SeaTac for two different exchange student events in the summer (and I managed to squeeze in some friend-visiting time, too!)

But what about our imminent departure from Memphis? Since we're moving for DF's job and I'm not currently working outside the home, we have no work ties to the Bluff City. We don't own any property here. We have made some wonderful friends, but we have no family in the area. All these different circumstances make me wonder, when will we be back to visit Memphis? The twisting paths of life can't always be predicted. We may pass through the mid-South again soon, or our road might go a different way. But hey, given my track record, maybe I'll get a job in Los Angeles that requires travel to Memphis or surrounding areas!

Thank You, Memphis!

As our time in Memphis comes to a close, I've been reflecting on all the kindnesses, big and small, we've been shown here.

I remember a few months back when our pastor said (in a sermon) that Southern Christians have to work even harder to show God's love to their neighbors because being nice is just the Southern way. I chuckled b/c I thought he was kidding. But based on comments I heard later on that day, I think my fellow parishioners agreed with his line of reasoning; they were pondering ways to go "above and beyond" expected neighborliness!

Here's a list of what I can recall that people in Memphis have done for us, just to be nice:

• Unloaded our moving truck and took us out for lunch
• Invited us to dinner and a movie after meeting us once
• Became friends with us even though we're total Yankees :)
• Picked me up from a medical procedure involving anesthesia when DF couldn't miss work
• Gave us rides when we only had one car, or carpooled just to be friendly
• Offered us free tickets to local events
• Invited us to numerous holiday celebrations in homes when we weren't able to be with family
• Packed our apartment when I was 6 months pregnant 
• Offered a "parents of twins" discount on rent
• Helped us move in the sticky summer heat
• Threw an elaborate baby shower that unexpectedly moved to a meeting room at the hospital b/c I was on bedrest at the time
• Visited me in the hospital 
• Brought us meals for months after the babies were born
• Gave the boys hand-me-down clothes
• Surprised us with black eyed peas for New Years
• Ran an extension cord to our freezer to keep the contents from melting when a branch fell on our power line
• Provided airport transportation
• Hid Easter eggs in the yard for our kids to find
• Babysat the kids for free
• Warmly welcomed my mother when she came for an extended visit - took her to lunch, connected her with a Sunday School class at church
• And many more!!!

Well, South, you've definitely got a good thing going here, and I hope y'all keep being as sweet as sweet tea to newcomers :)  It's going to be hard to say goodbye! I wonder if people in LA will be as friendly? Kind of doubt it...but I'll do what I can to keep spreading the love!

Beep beep

Public Service Announcement: children are little sponges who mimic their parents/care takers. "That's pretty common knowledge," you say. Yes, I'd heard it plenty myself. But we have a new development here that is really driving the point home.

I taught my kids to say "beep." It was fine at first. You know, like when you're playing with cars and trucks, and they drive around, they say "beep beep!" Well, without consciously thinking about it, I also say "beep beep" to the kids when I want them to them to move out of my way - when they're sitting in front of a cupboard I need to open, standing in the middle of a doorway I'm trying to walk through, etc.

So a few weeks ago, they started saying "beep beep beep beep beep!" to each other, me, Dad, and anyone else who is in their space. Gus lays down on a puzzle; Gibson pushes him while whining "beep beep!" I'm sitting on the couch and a kid wants my spot...a shrill series of "beep beep beep!" compels me to relocate. They "beeped" their grandparents and other relatives when we were visiting recently.

At first, it was cute and I cracked up about it. Then I realized that I've basically taught my children to say "beep" instead of any number of polite phrases we could have learned. Oh dear!

Now we're trying to backtrack. DF was playing trucks with them and had the truck say, "Excuse me! I'd like to drive through." I wonder if they can make the switch to "cooz" or something similar. Beep is so easy to say...

2 Years!

I'm a bit late in posting this two year milestone update, since we were traveling on the boys' actual birthday. So they get a little extra credit, I guess :)

Also, I've totally accepted the reality that this blog is my children's baby book. If I haven't started a physical book after two years, it's not gonna happen. If you, my adoring public, enjoy reading along, so much the better!

Here are some of Gus and Gibson's latest developments.

Physical/Motor Skills
Climbing is still a favorite pastime. I took the boys to a new park a couple weeks ago. Gibson made a beeline for a plastic rock climbing structure and was on the top of it before I knew what was happening. Meanwhile, Gus was slipping off a faux rock and I was trying to catch him while keeping an eye on Gibson as he went for a huge slide. We all survived! Man, they are adventurous.

They are getting taller and can open some doors. This is not my favorite development. Commence next-level babyproofing!

They can sort of play catch now. They've always enjoyed throwing. Now, they can even manage to catch a ball, sometimes.

They can't really dress themselves, but at times they do take off their sandals or socks. (To clarify: I mean on different days. We do not wears socks + sandals because we are not dorky northwesterners ;) ) If they work together, they can take off their pants, but luckily they don't do it very often. They can't get their own shirts over their huge noggins yet.

Eating/Drinking
We let them drink from regular cups once in awhile, when we're outside and it's just water. They can sort of handle it, but splashing in the open water is also very tempting.

Their favorite foods lately (and how they pronounce them) are chicken (bok-bok), blueberries (boo-bey), frozen banana slices (na-na), cookies (coo-ey), yogurt (go-guh), popsicles (pah-ih), applesauce (ah), potatoes (tay-oh), and orange juice (joos).

Talking
As you can tell from the previous paragraph, they've learned lots of new words lately! They have a tendency to add an extra consonant sound before words that start with a vowel, like "bapple" for apple and "Melmo" for Elmo. It's cute :)

Sleeping
We're in a solid one-nap routine here. They sleep 11-12 hours at night and 2-3 hours for their afternoon nap, usually. Nap time has been closer to 2 hours lately. If you must know, I am in denial about the fact that they'll ever reach a no-nap stage. Naps forever!

Favorite Things
Animals! They love all things animal-related. On our recent trip, we got a little book with animal pictures that the love "reading" by loudly making all the animal sounds. It's a chorus of, "meow!" "ooh-ahh!" "hop!" "squawk!" "neigh!" etc, etc, etc.

They're big fans of toys with wheels that they can drive, or pull around, or ride on.

Not Favorite Things
Gus is going through a "I hate baths" phase of life. It's unpleasant.

They're both getting picky about eating vegetables. For example, if a pea tries to sneak into their other food, they point at it, look grossed out, and say, "pea! pea!" until I extract the offensive legume... Sometimes they do eat peas, but not very often anymore.

Traveling with Twins: Airborne Again

The four of us took to the skies and headed west for a 2.5 week trip, visiting family and friends in Oregon. Compared to last year, this trip went much more smoothly! I wonder if it's because it's easier to travel with two year olds than babies, if we parents are more skilled at traveling with our kids, or if we really did just have an easier trip?

Flying
We flew to Oregon two days before the kids turned 2, so we didn't have to buy them seats. Score! They slept on the first (short) flight to Dallas, then stayed awake from DFW to Portland. We entertained them by feeding them snacks, playing with toys, sticking stickers on everything, walking up and down the aisle, and watching videos on our Kindles. Gus flung some applesauce on our nicely-dressed seat neighbor and Gibson got a big goose egg by conking his head on a seat. Those were the only incidents to report! No lost luggage, no creepy old ladies trying to get the kids to eat Cheerios out of her mouth, not too much screaming.

On the flights back home to Memphis, the boys got their own seats, since they'd had a birthday. We hauled their gigantic car seats with us through the airport. My luggage cart + bungee cord transport system didn't work quite as well as I'd hoped, but I think it was still better than trying to just free-hand carry them. And with their car seats on the plane, they boys did great! We flew through Denver, which meant we had two medium-length flights. Both kids napped for a bit on the first flight. Gus even slept through the really turbulent descent into Denver! (I, meanwhile, was awake and really not enjoying the bouncing...)

We had a THREE HOUR layover before our next flight. Sheesh! Not what I had originally booked - the flight schedule changed after I bought the tickets. The boys bounded up and down the moving walkways, and I attempted to hold onto their frog backpack leashes while they lunged in opposite directions. They pretended to talk on all of the pay phones/courtesy phones they could find. And, they found a display with about 300 flyers advertising United's credit card, which they threw on the floor and "swam" on top of. All of these antics seemed to amuse our fellow passengers during their layovers :)

DF found a yogurt parfait with blueberries, so that's what the boys ate for dinner. (Their lunch had been french fries...) Then we boarded the flight to Memphis and found out the seats had these handy little pockets we could rest the Kindles in so the boys could watch videos more easily. Score! And we saw some fireworks from the sky as we were making our landing.

Meeting New People
I don't think Gus or Gibson remember taking a trip last summer, so for them, it was pretty much like meeting a bunch of new people again. They did really well! They did seem to recognize their grandparents, aunt, and uncle from a family photo that we have at our house. But they were fairly flexible and friendly with lots of other people, too. Auntie Hipster threw a birthday party for them, and they had fun playing with the other kids who came. They even stayed in the nursery at my parents' church without too much of a fuss. They wouldn't sit on Great Grandma's lap for a photo, however...you can't win 'em all.

New Foods
They boys ate their first ice cream cones at Dairy Queen! They've had ice cream before, but not in a cone. They thought the cone was gross and spit out any little pieces they accidentally bit off, haha.

I think this was also their first time trying Jello. They like it! But it wasn't a good idea to feed Gibson red Jello when he was wearing a white shirt. Good thing Grandma has stain remover!

Beach Time
We stayed at the coast for a few days and it was so much better than last year, when the babies had hand-foot-mouth disease and spent most nights wailing. Plus they were not fans of sand. Oh dear, it wasn't very relaxing. This time, though, they were healthy (yay!) and excited to play on the beach (double yay!) Gus especially loved splashing in the ocean. They both liked digging in the sand, and no one tried to eat more than a mouthful.

Overall Pros (kid-related)

• Slept well
• Ate sufficiently
• Everyone stayed healthy
• Played on fun playgrounds
• Learned new words (chair, pumpernickel...)
• Good memories with family and friends

Overall Cons (kid-related)

• Gibson shattered a glass ball and startled everyone, including himself
• Tried to eat semi-toxic foxgloves
• Gus still hates bath time

I'd say the Pros outweigh the Cons! Guess this means we can take another trip someday :) 

Friendly Neighbors

Southerners really are sweet. Even after four years living here, I'm still surprised by how kind people can be! Here's a conversation I had the other day.

Setting: taking the boys for their inaugural leash walk, going around the block. We've stopped to examine some fascinating sticks on the sidewalk.

60s-ish Neighbor Lady: <waving as she walks down the driveway> Hi there! Oh, how sweet! You have twins?
Me: Yes, they're twins
Neighbor: How old are they?
Me: Almost two
Neighbor: So you must live around the corner?
Me: Yes, we live over on Heron Way (that's a pseudonym street name for blogging purposes)
Neighbor: <starts pointing out all the nearby houses where families have young kids/grandkids, and suggests we can become friends with them>
Me: Good to know!
Neighbor: Well, I just live right across the street here. If y'all are ever out for a walk and get caught in a downpour, please come knock on my door!
Me: Oh, ok thank you
Neighbor: And if I'm not home, see that door through the carport? It opens up to the back patio that's all covered, and we've got a table and chairs there where you could wait.
Me: <looking surprised> Wow, well that's nice of you! We will certainly keep it in mind if it starts to rain on us.

END SCENE

I mean, come on Northwesterners, have you ever had a conversation like this with a neighbor who you literally just met? (I mean, set aside for a moment the fact that people in the PNW just keep walking when it rains...) Wasn't that nice of her? We're totally in thunderstorm season in Memphis, and sometimes the skies just open up on you. It's nice to know we've got a place to take shelter, even if we never use it. But I bet if we did stop by, Neighbor Lady would just be tickled pink :)

Grab Bag: Skillet, At Least, Lawns, Crumbs

I have a bunch of thoughts swirling through my head today that I decided the world should know about :)

Cast Iron Skillet
Enhancing my Southern cred, I bought myself a skillet last year. Y'all, it rocks! I mean, seriously, how did I cook without one? We had some friends over for dinner recently and I made a pork loin that was first seared then roasted in the skillet. I usually don't even like pork loin very much, and it came out delicious. I just fried up some leftover potatoes from dinner last night to accompany my lunch today - so tasty! It's really easy to take care of, too. I thought it would be high maintenance b/c I remember my mom always drying hers by heating it in the oven (or something...memory is a bit foggy). All I have to do with mine after washing is dry it out then wipe with a little cooking oil. Presto!

"At Least"
Salmonista's conversation recommendation: if you'd like to be polite, do your best to avoid using the phrase "at least." I can't think of any uses that bring you closer to another person. Ok, maybe sarcastic examples, but sarcasm is a tricky tool to wield. At best, "at least" makes you seem slightly uninterested or superior. At worst, it leaves your conversational partner silently (or visibly) seething.

Innocuous example
Person A: Oh, it started raining! Sad, I was hoping we could eat dinner on the patio tonight.
Person B: Well, at least it was sunny this morning.
Person A's internal monologue: <Yeah, but I was stuck in the office all day in a cube farm and didn't even get to glance at a sunbeam, so I've been looking forward to an al fresco dining experience to bring a small crumb of joy to my soul!>

Really unfeeling example
Person A: I'm so upset. I just found out my child has a serious illness.
Person B: Oh, at least he doesn't have this other serious illness I heard about that sounds even worse!
Person A's internal monologue: <AHHHHHH! Stop forming a hierarchy of badness and acknowledge my pain!>

Lawn Mower Rage
Last spring/summer, my neighbor always mowed his lawn right around 9:30AM, which was when the boys were going down for a morning nap. He'd buzz his noisy gas-powered mower over the strip of grass right outside their nursery window, and I'd stew as I was sure he was going to wake them up. (Sidebar: they only woke up a couple times.) Today, I realized that although his grass is neatly trimmed, I haven't even noticed him mowing the lawn this year. I assume he's still a morning mower, but these days we're usually out of the house around 9:30. Last summer, hearing a noisy mower seemed like the worst thing ever. But now I barely even think about it.

Floor Cleaning
About this time last year, I was obsessed with sweeping our hard wood floors. The boys were crawling/creeping/rolling all over the place, and I probably swept once a day to keep the kids from becoming total dust and dirt balls. Now, well, they walk/run/climb just fine. And they also make a much bigger mess around the house. I wasn't feeling too well earlier this week, so I spent the day laying on the couch playing Daniel Tiger episodes from Amazon while feeding the children ten different types of crackers, chips, and cookies. DF kindly swept up the main crumb piles they had produced. Then this morning I found a bunch of crushed crackers in the playroom under some toys. I gathered the larger pieces the best I could. The mess really doesn't stress me out as much any more. And don't even ask about my mopping regimen. We seriously need a dog. Except then I'd have even more messes to deal with :)