Earbuds and Not Being an Anomaly

Part I
Why does everyone in Pasadena walk around with earbuds in their ears? That's my latest question about life here. Technically, it's not everyone, but the proportion is much higher than in Memphis. I have a few hypotheses.

• I live by a train station, so the people I see walking around are commuters listening to music/podcasts
• People are on their way to or from working out so they are rocking out to their warm up/cool down music
• They have iPhones and they want to be able to take calls easily
• No one wants to talk to anyone else

I mean seriously, one of our movers had his earbuds in the whole time he was unloading our stuff. That didn't seem very friendly. But also, he didn't really seem to speak English, so maybe he was wearing them as a way to fend off my attempts at conversation.

Part IIOn a totally different subject, so far it's been interesting living in a place where many residents are also transplants. I've come across a handful of native Californians, but the majority of people I've met are originally from somewhere else. So when I say that I just moved from Tennessee, I get responses like, "Oh, I grew up in Virginia," or "My aunt lives in Chattanooga," or, "We moved here from Boston 10 years ago," etc.

No one yet has gaped at me and said, "MEMPHIS??!! Why did you guys (y'all) move HERE??!!" That's the reaction I often got about our last move, except it was SEATTLE??!! Most people just ask if it was work that brought us here, and they don't seem shocked at all about it.

My point is, Los Angeles metro is a place where lots of people are moving all the time, for all sorts of reasons. Memphis, by contrast, has a smaller in-migration effect going on. Sure, people still move there, but it doesn't have the pulling power of Southern California. I guess we're more "normal" here with our nomadic lifestyle, ha ha.

SoCal: An Introduction

DF, Gus, Gibson and I survived our epic cross-country road trip from Tennessee to California! Wow, that was a long drive - just over 2,000 miles. We arrived last Thursday afternoon.

As is my predilection, I'm analytically observing my new environment and trying to get a feel for the place. So far, I'd say it's quite different than Memphis! Here are some things I've noticed.

Urban living
We're in a big (300+ units) apartment complex in downtown Pasadena. Within a 5-10 minute walk, I can visit countless restaurants, coffee shops, bars, grocery stores, gas station, a park, retail stores, and office buildings. Or, I could catch the light rail train right at our building to go lots of other places in the metro area.

In Memphis, we lived in a single family house on a quiet side street of a residential neighborhood. There was a church 2 blocks over. The closest commercial structure was a gas station about half a mile away. There was a bus line on a nearby major street, though I never did ride it...

I've taken the boys out for a couple walks around the new neighborhood in their wagon. They seem mesmerized by all the people and activity! Actually, Gibson gets a little overwhelmed. As we approached the elevator this morning, he looked nervous and asked, "people?" Yes buddy, we're going to see lots of people out and about!

Diversity
I can't help but notice how many Asian people are in this neighborhood! When we moved from Seattle to Memphis, it was weird to not see Asian people very often. I know there are some people of Asian heritage in the mid-South, but the percentage is way lower than in the greater Seattle area. Well apparently, lots of Asian people live and/or visit Pasadena because I keep seeing them everywhere. I'm trying not to do a double take all the time but I keep thinking I'm in Memphis and saying, "Wow!" in my head.

There are also all sorts of different people here - younger, older, Hispanic/Latinx, African-American, White, homeless, tattooed, pierced, sharply dressed, speaking languages I don't recognize, with dogs in tow, pushing strollers, in a hurry, staring at their phones, ambling with friends, etc. I'm loving it!

Food
Having little kids who don't enjoy sitting still, we're not exactly in a position to explore new restaurants as easily as when we moved to Memphis (where we ate BBQ like 9 times in the first 13 days or something like that!) We have managed to try El Pollo Loco, which I'd describe as fancy fast Mexican food, kind of like Chipotle with more choices. The grownups thought it was tasty! The boys liked dumping cups of water all over the place.

There's a wood-fired pizza restaurant right next to our apartment. It smells delicious. They don't do carry out, though, so we'll have to brave it with the kids sometime when they've settled in to CA life.

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I have tons more thoughts about the move, but they're still tumbling around in my brain at the moment. I'll attempt to distill them in future posts. For now, I'll say that moving is stressful and living in a huge apartment complex will take some adjusting. I'm doing my best to be resilient in the face of challenges. I think that will get easier when the movers deliver our belongings on Wednesday and I'm no longer sleeping on a leaky air mattress...

Thank You, Memphis!

As our time in Memphis comes to a close, I've been reflecting on all the kindnesses, big and small, we've been shown here.

I remember a few months back when our pastor said (in a sermon) that Southern Christians have to work even harder to show God's love to their neighbors because being nice is just the Southern way. I chuckled b/c I thought he was kidding. But based on comments I heard later on that day, I think my fellow parishioners agreed with his line of reasoning; they were pondering ways to go "above and beyond" expected neighborliness!

Here's a list of what I can recall that people in Memphis have done for us, just to be nice:

• Unloaded our moving truck and took us out for lunch
• Invited us to dinner and a movie after meeting us once
• Became friends with us even though we're total Yankees :)
• Picked me up from a medical procedure involving anesthesia when DF couldn't miss work
• Gave us rides when we only had one car, or carpooled just to be friendly
• Offered us free tickets to local events
• Invited us to numerous holiday celebrations in homes when we weren't able to be with family
• Packed our apartment when I was 6 months pregnant 
• Offered a "parents of twins" discount on rent
• Helped us move in the sticky summer heat
• Threw an elaborate baby shower that unexpectedly moved to a meeting room at the hospital b/c I was on bedrest at the time
• Visited me in the hospital 
• Brought us meals for months after the babies were born
• Gave the boys hand-me-down clothes
• Surprised us with black eyed peas for New Years
• Ran an extension cord to our freezer to keep the contents from melting when a branch fell on our power line
• Provided airport transportation
• Hid Easter eggs in the yard for our kids to find
• Babysat the kids for free
• Warmly welcomed my mother when she came for an extended visit - took her to lunch, connected her with a Sunday School class at church
• And many more!!!

Well, South, you've definitely got a good thing going here, and I hope y'all keep being as sweet as sweet tea to newcomers :)  It's going to be hard to say goodbye! I wonder if people in LA will be as friendly? Kind of doubt it...but I'll do what I can to keep spreading the love!

Teaching Culture (Thanks, Daniel Tiger!)

Ever since I read this article in the NY Times, I've been semi-obsessed with the idea that the role of parenting is to impart your culture to your children. A lot of people think Americans don't have a culture, or that we're just a mix of different cultures, but let me disavow you of that notion. American culture is, in fact, quite definable and observable!

Take our relationship with time, for instance. Americans think of time as linear. You can see that in our verb tenses - we have distinct past, present, and future tenses. We also have additional tenses to use when describing exactly when two different things happened (I had been at work for an hour when my client called.)

From a scholarly point of view, American culture is monochronic. That means we tend to focus on schedules, our activities have a set start and end point, and we do one thing at a time. (If you're interested in the differences with polychronic cultures, check this out.)

Now obviously, not every American person views time exactly the same way, and we all have varying degrees of punctuality, but in general, this is how our society works.

Why do I bring this up? Because when the kids and I were watching Daniel Tiger the other day, the episode's theme was, "It's almost time to stop, so choose one more thing to do." (It's Episode 129, if you're interested.) Daniel and his friends were playing together. Daniel's dad showed up and told him it was time to go home. Daniel didn't want to leave, so his dad sang him the little song to encourage him to move along.

I was struck by just how American/Euro/Western this exchange was! I mean, in other cultures, the family wouldn't have such a strict schedule they kept to. They would not find it necessary to sing a song to their child giving them notice that "it's almost time to stop" because that is not how their brains have been acculturated to think! But in our culture, we do want our kids to follow our family schedule, so I appreciate that Daniel Tiger has such a catchy song to help teach this aspect of life.

That's actually my favorite kid show at the moment - I'm always humming their little jingles, and really, they can be pretty profound. One day I was feeling like I wasn't doing a very good job as a mom, and I was dwelling on everything I did wrong. Then the song came on, "Do your best - your best is the best for you." And I was just like, whoa, Daniel, you're right! I don't need to compare myself to other moms. I just need to be the best mom I can be.

Aha, that's another American cultural influence - valuing individualism! But that's a topic for another day :)

Our Southern Christmas

We decided we weren't up for traveling this Christmas with two little ones (sorry, Grandparents!). Some friends in town here were kind enough to invite us to join their family gathering. I was excited to experience my first authentically Southern Christmas!

I had so many questions leading up to the event. First, the hostess asked me if I could bring carrots. My initial thought was to bring cut up carrot and celery sticks because that's what my Oregonian grandmother always serves on holidays - in a fancy crystal dish. But then I was like, hmm, wait, Grandma is from Canada...maybe not all families eat raw veggies... So I double checked with the hostess who confirmed that I should bring cooked carrots. Glad I asked! I googled "Southern cooked carrots" and found out that as long as they were swimming in butter and brown sugar, the dish would probably pass muster.

Then on Christmas Eve as I was going to bed, I suddenly realized I didn't know what Southerners wear on Christmas. Would the kids be shunned if they showed up in their matching penguin/winter onesies instead of something smocked? Should DF wear a coat and tie? I texted the hostess who kindly informed me that any attire would be just fine; it was not a formal affair. Whew!

We made our short 20 minute drive to dinner on Sunday afternoon (sooooo much easier than flying all day!) and were greeted by our friends, their kids, and about 15 more of their relatives who had gathered for the day. The people were half from Memphis and half from Indiana, so I guess maybe it wasn't a 100% Southern Christmas but I'll take it.

Everyone was so friendly and welcoming! The boys were the youngest kids there. Once they warmed up to the big crowd, they had a great time. In this house, they don't barricade their Christmas tree behind a playpen, so the boys were very excited to touch all the ornaments and lights. I only caught Gus eating one decorative berry... They got to sit in booster chairs at the kids table to eat dinner, and they were totally entertained by all the bigger kids. After dinner, they bounced on a trampoline, played with a musical dancing dog, and even received some toys as gifts. Wow, what a treat!

As for the parents, we also had a lovely time visiting with everyone and enjoying the delicious spread. Oh, Southern food, you are the best :)





All in all, it was a very Merry Christmas indeed.

Assimilation or Cultural Appropriation?

Living in the South is tricky sometimes. It's obvious to most people I meet that I'm not from here as soon as I've spoken a sentence. I'm not really trying to become a Southerner, yet I find my vocabulary shifting a bit. The allure of y'all is difficult to resist, y'all! Now that I've gotten used to hearing y'all frequently, it sounds so much more polite to me than you guys. I admit to using it in written communication when "you" seems too vague. But I still don't say it all that often because it makes me feel like an imposter.

Exception: when I'm frustrated with my children, I go full-on y'all, such as "y'all need to quiet down and take a nap!" I mean, they're Southerners, right? I'm sure they understand me.

Of late, I've noticed DF picking up a few new expressions. His latest is fixin' to. I think he's trying to teach it to the boys, too - I heard him tell them, "We're fixing to leave, so let's put on your shoes." I admit to rolling my eyes! But then I thought, why should I let it bother me? Am I the cultural assimilation police who decides when a person can and can't adapt? If he wants to speak like a Memphian, it's probably ok. Plus, as he likes to point out, although he grew up in the Midwest, his pastor was from Texas and taught him lots of Southernisms when he was young and impressionable.

But at what point do we start to look like posers? Unless I develop a legit drawl, wear makeup whenever I leave the house, and start hanging burlap craft projects on my front door, no one is going to mistake me for a Southerner anytime soon. If I adopt the dialect of the people without the other cultural norms, it feels inauthentic to me.

Then I thought about another perspective - what about the refugees who are my ESOL students? If one of them said, "I'm fixing to go to the store," I'd be mighty impressed by their excellent grasp of local idioms. (As it is, I'd be happy if some of them could manage "I go store"...) I guess it's because I assume the refugees will live in Memphis for many years, so it's best that they start assimilating sooner rather than later. Meanwhile, my family probably won't stay here long term, so why do I need to incorporate Southern expressions if my Northwestern English is usually understood? Hmm, but even if we moved to a foreign country for only a couple years, I'd definitely try my best to learn that new language. I'm conflicted...

Lunch Date with Sneezy

DF has the week off (thanks, "use or lose" vacation time!) and the boys went to MDO yesterday, so we had another exciting day date. DF stopped at Gibson's donuts on the way home from dropping off the boys, so we were sugared up and ready to go! The day started off with household chores including leaf raking, bathroom scrubbing, and searching for rechargeable batteries + the charger. It continued on with sweeping, mopping, and TV viewing. Oh yes, thrilling stuff folks.

But wait, before you lose interest, there was a tasty lunch! We went to the buffet at Golden India in Overton Square. It was great!

Why, yes indeed, those are lamb meatballs in the picture, how did you ever guess? The meatballs were good, though I have to admit they were not as spectacular as the ones I had at a random Indian restaurant in Bellevue (WA) several years ago. Golden India's fresh naan was super delicious! I love naan. I mean, I love bread/carbs in general, and naan is especially wonderful. 

Over lunch, DF and I discussed if either of us have a favorite "ethnic" food. Is it politically correct to say ethnic food? What I mean is a cuisine specific to a certain country or region. Neither of us could pick. DF said maybe his favorite is American because we have pretty much every type of food here. Fair point! I really like Indian, Middle Eastern like Lebanese, and Ethiopian. If I had to pick one type of food to eat every day, I'd probably go with Caribbean. I never get tired of rice, beans, and plantains! (This was a good thing when I studied abroad in Costa Rica, since I ate rice and beans 2-3 meals a day for the semester.)

I'm sure I could find some food I would enjoy in any culture. One of my favorites is the multitudinous variety of "bread/grain product filled with meat or veggies then fried or steamed" morsels. Think Indian samosas, Argentinian empanadas, Polish pierogis, Japanese gyoza, Ghanaian fufu dumplings, Mexican tamales...ok, I'm getting hungry now :)

One thing that limits my enjoyment of other cuisines, unfortunately, is my sensitive palate. Well, not so much my palate as my nose/mouth combo. (Is that my otorhinolaryngological system?) Big words aside, the issue is that I tend to have sneezing attacks when I eat spicy food. And not just hot-spicy, but also big-flavor-spicy. So yeah, that means after lunch yesterday I went to the restroom and spent 5 minutes coughing, sneezing, and blowing my nose. In my opinion, it's worth the overactive sinus reaction to enjoy flavorful food. But are there any medical professionals in the audience (or informed lay people) who can tell me if that's a problem I should be worried about? It's not a new phenomenon; ever since I started eating more adventurously in college, I've been a sneezer when it comes to spices. In fact, I sometimes do myself in when cooking at home by adding too much pepper to my own dishes!

ESOL Lesson Plan

Readers, I'm sorry, today is a crazy-busy day for me and I've fallen behind in preparing blog posts in advance. So instead of something deep and reflective, I'm going to tell you about what I taught in English class this morning!

I've taught English on and off for...wow, 14 years. Good grief, now I feel old! Back before the twins were born, I was volunteering here in Memphis with a different organization whose students are primarily Spanish-speaking. I liked volunteering there, but unfortunately their class schedule doesn't work out with my child care options. So a couple months back, I started volunteering teaching ESOL (English to Speakers of Other Languages) at a local nonprofit that works with refugees. It's been going great so far!

Back in Seattle, I taught English with a refugee-serving organization for while, so I actually have some experience with the needs of this population. Many of my current students fall into the "pre-literate" category, which means they don't really know how to read and write in their native language. You can imagine it would be especially challenging to learn English in that situation! We use a lot of hands-on tools, songs, and physical movement. Sometimes we write down a few things. (And, I actually do have a handful of students now who can read/write their native language.)

Normally I teach on Thursday mornings, but the Monday teacher had a conflict and wasn't able to be there today so I subbed. Here's a sample of what we learned. I'll note that this approach is called Total Physical Response. I don't have a lot of formal ESOL training, but I did learn about TPR at one seminar I attended many years ago!

Intro:
-Review days of the week, yesterday/today/tomorrow, today's date, months of the year
-Talk about the letter N and words with the "N" sound like November (name, nose, night)

Lesson:
-students identify items in the classroom that are various colors (red, orange, etc)
-briefly review shapes - square/circle/triangle
-Pass out items to each student for hands-on practice: colored sticks, a styrofoam cup, and colored shapes cut out of construction paper
-I say "Show me the black square." Everyone finds their square. Then, "Show me your other square - a different color." Everyone finds their orange square. "What color is it?" "Orange." Repeat with circles and triangles.
-Demonstrate various prepositions using props. "Put the black square in the cup." "Take the black square out of the cup."
-Students follow along as I do the action. Next, I give directions verbally but do not accompany with a demonstrative action. About half of the class could successfully follow verbal directions. Increased to about 75% with repeated practice.
-Finish by practicing in table groups, arranging objects and students speaking to describe their location

We did these prepositions today: IN, ON, UNDER, IN FRONT OF, BEHIND, NEXT TO

I see now that I forgot to do "above" or "on top of," to contrast with "under." I was also planning to do "between," but using three items at once seemed like it was going to overwhelm some of the students.

lesson prep :)

It's the Same Old Song

Our choir is singing a song this Christmas that incorporates "Of the Father's Love Begotten," a hymn that was most likely written in the 300s. We are talking over 1700 years ago, people! I believe the melody is slightly more recent, perhaps medieval. Wow! I think it's so cool to sing an ancient song that countless generations before me have sung. 

What's the oldest song you know? Historians tell us that the oldest song in the world came from ancient Sumer and is approximately 3,400 years old. I listened to it...not very catchy. But hey, who am I to judge another culture's taste in music?

You probably know Yankee Doodle, and guess what, it's pretty old, too. I mean, not ancient, but old by American standards.

Generational Naming

I'm not sure if it's a Southern or US-wide trend, but I noticed that around Memphis at least, it's not very common for grandparents to go by "Grandma" and "Grandpa." It seems like almost everyone has their own pet name, whether it's Mimi, Nana, MeMaw, Popsie, Granddaddy, or Papa.

Apparently, there's a whole website dedicated to picking your grandparent name. Who knew?!

I always referred to my own grandparents as Grandma/pa + Last Name, like "Grandpa Jones." I never really noticed what my friends called their grandparents, but I think that nomenclature was fairly common in the Northwest, at least in the 80s. Perhaps the times they are a changin'. For our kids, I told their grandparents they could pick their own name if they wanted to. For now, we're sticking with Grandma and Grandpa all around. We'll see if the boys come up with anything more creative once they start talking.

Most Southern parents seem to go by "Mama" and "Daddy" to their own kids, I think, more so than "Mom" and "Dad." However, I should be caveating this whole post that it's mainly based on my observations of white, middle-upper class families from my church, which is populated primarily by traditional Southerners.

When it comes to naming one's offspring, there are some unique Southern traditions afoot. For example, say your maiden name was Jane Jones. You marry Steve Smith. It would be fairly common for your son to then be named Jones Smith. I've heard this with some rather...interesting...maiden names that really don't seem like first name material, but in this case the kid usually gets a more normal nickname at least.

For those of you who know my maiden name, I don't think you'll be surprised to hear we did not carry on that tradition :)  If you don't know it, just imagine something German with a whole lot of consonants. Like Pfretzschner. Oh but don't worry, we'll call him "Schnerzie"!

In other naming news, I've decided that the babies need new pseudonyms for the blog. Baby A and Baby B are so 2015. So from now on, I'm going to call them Gus and Gibson, in honor of the restaurants that fueled my growing belly during pregnancy!

Cost/Benefit Analysis

To repeat a constant theme, life sure has changed since we became parents. Getting out of the house happens more often now than it used to, but it still feels like a monumental task at times.

For comparison, before kids...

As dinner time approached, maybe I'd look around the kitchen and decide I didn't really want to eat any of the food we had on hand. So DF and I would hop in the car and go out to eat somewhere. We might not even choose before leaving the house. That new taco place looks good - screeech - let's pull in there. So crazy and spontaneous!

Last night...

It was 5:30pm. I looked around the kitchen and didn't feel much like eating anything we had available. But the babies were in a weird mood after having an irregular nap schedule, so we scrounged up a meal of leftover Chinese food and frozen burritos. Then I took the kids for our nightly stroll around the neighborhood.

Dinner Decisions
Here's the cost/benefit analysis we went through, briefly, of "One of the parents goes to pick up takeout."

Pros:

• One parent gets to escape the squawking
• We eat something more exciting than what's in the fridge/freezer 

Cons:

• The other parent is stuck home with two squirrely babies
• The leftovers will still be waiting for us to eat them later
• If I don't eat now (Salmonista), it's going to mess up our walk schedule, and Baby A is already on the verge of a meltdown

And that's just the daily dinner dance! Sometimes I am better about planning ahead for meals. Not so much lately. Working on that...we have a dinner menu on the whiteboard for this week!

Choir Considerations
How about something more complicated? Like, say, should I start singing in the church choir regularly again?

The facts:

• Choir practice is each Wednesday evening, 6:15-8:00pm
• Early arrival to church required on Sunday morning for choir rehearsal & warm ups

Childcare options for Weds.

• At church (not even sure this is an option in the summer?). The boys would then go to bed at least an hour later than usual, and who knows, they might be too hyper to sleep till super late. Could result in unpleasant Thursdays...
• At home, which means DF is doing the bedtime routine solo. I know he's already tired after a long day at work, and the evening hours are usually the most intense with the babies. 

Sunday AM thoughts

• Can we really manage to get ourselves out the door even earlier than usual on Sunday morning? 

After all that, we look at our situation and wonder, is it even worth it? What is to be gained by me participating in choir regularly? Singing is supposed to be good for your brain; maybe it will prevent me from getting dementia in my later years. DF and the boys would appreciate that, I'm sure! Also, it's fun and I like chatting with my fellow choir members. But is the social outlet for me worth all the extra hassle and potential stress with the kiddos? Then I ask myself, does anyone else in the choir have young children? I can't think of anyone...perhaps that is a sign.

Visiting Brazil, Briefly
Sometimes, we weigh the pros and cons and decide that, indeed, we will leave the house and try to do something. Everything is just so different when you do it with two babies. I think I'm still adjusting to that reality.

Example: a couple weekends ago, there was a Brazilian festival happening at Overton Park. You know DF and I are all over the festival scene! (Or at least, we used to be.) We have been itching to get out and flap our festival wings again. So we decided to attempt it with the babies. They stay awake for a good chunk of time in the middle of the day now between naps. After they woke up from their morning nap, we gave them a bottle then hopped in the van. We managed to find a parking place without too much effort. Ooh, must be a good sign! Things were going our way! We got the boys all settled in their stroller and set out to enjoy the festivities.

Within minutes, we realized it was a lot different than going to a festival by ourselves. It's hard to navigate with a long double stroller through crowds over bumpy grass. There was lots of noisy music going on, which the babies did not like. They also did not approve of the weather - it was sunny and hot without much of a breeze. We found a shady area and let them crawl around on a blanket while we ate some Brazilian food. Then we walked around and looked at the booths. Since none of the activities involved rolling around on the ground or eating Cheerios, the babies weren't really interested in the options provided. After maybe an hour, they were looking really grouchy and growing increasingly discontent. We headed home. I sang "The Girl From Ipanema" to entertain them in the car, or at least as much of it as I could remember. They were not impressed. I sang "BINGO" instead. They liked that one better.

So, was it worth it for us to go to this festival? On the one hand, we did get to try some new foods and hear interesting music. The babies didn't necessarily enjoy it, but they didn't have a total screaming meltdown, either. If we want them to be adventurous kids who like trying new things and learning about other cultures, we have to start somewhere, right? But I couldn't help but think, they probably would've preferred staying home, crawling up and down the hallway and chewing on their old, familiar rattles. Hmmm...

Where Do You Stay?

It's time for another Southern cultural expression lesson!

What do you think when you hear the question, "Where do you stay?"

1. The thought is incomplete. You need more information, such as, "Where do you stay when you go on vacation to Gulf Shores?"
2. The person is asking, "Where do you live?"
3. It's a political question. The person wants to know your opinion on a certain issue.

The correct answer is 2, or at least that's what I've gathered it means in Memphis.

I was reminded of this phrase the other day when I was at Kroger. The checker was telling me a story about some twins she knows (because, you know, I want to hear everyone's twin stories all the time...). She mentioned that she stays in a townhouse - this was relevant information as the twins try to push each other down the stairs, apparently.

Then I remembered that last year, when we were car shopping, a sales guy asked us, "Where do you stay?" We were a little confused by the question. What he really wanted to know was what state we lived in for vehicle tax and registration purposes (Memphis is right on the border of TN/MS/AR).

In both of these examples, the speakers were African-American. According to the internet, this expression is more common in Black communities. Well, and also in Scotland. Interesting!

The Importance of Waving

Yesterday, I had a cultural experience right in my own front yard.

I was expecting a repair crew to come by and fix or replace our dying washing machine in the afternoon. To make it easier for them to access the back door/kitchen, I moved the van out of the driveway. As I was parking on the street in front of our house, I saw our next door neighbors pull into their driveway. I waved to them as they exited the car. They didn't return the wave, so I figured they hadn't seen me, and I went back inside.

[Sidebar: the preceding paragraph is a good example of the use of imperfect and preterite verb tenses in Spanish!]

About half an hour later, I heard a knock on the front door. I expected it to be the appliance repair people, but when I opened the door, I saw my neighbor. She said, "I just wanted to come over and apologize for not waving back to you earlier. We were coming home from a funeral and we were a bit down, so I'm sorry." I was surprised! I said, "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Don't worry about it!" I gave her a hug. 

Then the babies squawked and she said, "Oh, are the boys awake? Can I see them?" She came into the playroom and cooed over them for awhile. (Unfortunately they were in a pretty bad mood due to not taking a nap, so they screamed a lot...it isn't polite to scream at your admiring visitors, boys.)

For context, these neighbors are probably about 80 years old. They have lived in their house for 50 years. They are kindly grandparent types :)

What I learned from this interaction:

• It is vitally important to wave at your neighbors in the South. The only acceptable excuses for not waving are extreme personal distress (grief/sorrow), or probably illness/injury.
• If you do not wave at a neighbor, you should apologize when you are able and offer an explanation for your rude behavior.
• Or, perhaps, if you want to visit your neighbor and see some cute babies, you can do so under the guise of apologizing for lack-of-waving.

I Might Could Come See Your New Early Attic if I Didn't Have a Hitch in My Getalong

Welcome to the latest in my occasional series on southern expressions! Seriously, one of my favorite things about living in the South is hearing all the interesting things that people say here. I've picked up on a couple more since my last post on the topic.

Might could

Meaning: might be able to
Example: I might could stop by your house on Saturday after the kids' soccer game.

I actually first heard this expression in Seattle. I had a coworker who I believe was also from the Northwest, but her parents were from the South. One day I heard her on the phone with a customer discussing when a product would arrive, and she said, "We might could get that to you by Friday." I was seriously scratching my head over that one and figured she had mis-spoken, because what in the heck was "might could" supposed to mean? Would the product arrive by Friday or not??

In the South, though, might could is alive and well! There are many variations of this phrase, I've discovered. For example, you can say, "might ought to" (which is actually pronounced might otta).

Example: We might otta leave soon or else we'll miss seeing Suzy.
Translation: We should leave soon

It can also be used in the past conditional tense, like this.

Example: Oh, I wish I'd known you were coming to Memphis last weekend! We might coulda [could have] met up for some BBQ! 

Early Attic
This phrase is so unique that I can't really find many references to it on the internet, at least to its definition. I feel as if I've stumbled upon a cultural relic, a rare archaeological-linguistic discovery! I just heard this one last week when a group of ladies were discussing furniture. One said, "Oh, when we first got married, most of our pieces were early attic." Another said, "Our house was full of early attic!" A couple of them laughed. I was really confused. I wondered if "Early Attic" was a brand of furniture or something, so I asked the person I was sitting by. She explained that it's a Southern expression meaning "hand-me down" because it refers to items that have collected in someone's attic. It's like a joke on "Early American" style furniture and is supposed to make your hand-me-downs sound fancier when you call them "Early Attic."

Ha ha! I like it!

A Hitch in Your Getalong
Meaning: you're moving/working/doing something too slowly, perhaps because of some impediment, whether temporary or permanent

I'm not 100% clear on the meaning of this expression. It was explained to me thusly: a person is walking too slowly and not keeping up with the rest of the group. One group member might turn back and say, "What's the matter? You got a hitch in your getalong?" I think that's a way to tell the person to hurry up.

However, the internet is now telling me it could mean the person has a limp or other type of problem that prevents them from moving as quickly as desired. It seems further field research is required on this topic...

Good thing I like field research :)

Southerners - if I have mangled any of these, please correct me! I'm trying to be a good anthropologist/social observer!

Exchange Students: Memorable Moments

Today marks the end of International Education Week, so in light of that, I thought I'd share some of my favorite exchange student stories I collected over the years. One thing I miss about my job is that I don't get to hear these sorts of anecdotes anymore. What am I going to talk about at parties now??

When I dropped a student off at the airport to travel to his host state, I explained that his coordinator would pick him up at the airport and drive him to his host family's house. The student had seen a picture of his coordinator so knew she was a 70-something grandma type. He looked at me incredulously and said, "She drives a car??" Yes honey, in America, babushkas drive themselves around :)

I was at a mid-year gathering of exchange students and asked them what had surprised them about America so far. They replied, "how people burp in public!" Apparently in their home countries, it's very impolite to burp. One boy recounted how there was a cute girl at his host school, but then she burped loudly on the bus and it really grossed him out.

At a departure debriefing for our students, I overheard several of them discussing if Christians believe that Jesus is God or not. (Note for anyone who is not sure: yes, this is kind of the main point of Christianity, as in Jesus Christ.) I'm sure their host churches would be disappointed to know they didn't communicate this main theological point very clearly!

A student refused to eat the oatmeal his host mom made for breakfast, claiming that he knew she was hiding broccoli in there. Host mom told me it was blueberries. I'm inclined to believe her.

A natural mom (student's mom in the home country) was shocked and appalled to find out that the chore of "washing the dishes" included not only plates and silverware, but pots and pans as well! She wrote to ask that her child be exempt from the more onerous latter half of the chore, but that didn't really fly with the host family...

A student insisted on changing host families because her American family wore their shoes indoors, something that she never did in her home country. She asked them to take off their shoes, but they said they preferred to keep them on. Culture shock, anyone?

I showed up at a host school to visit a student who I'd heard was having a rough time adjusting to his small-town, rural Western U.S. placement. As I waited for him in front of the school, I saw the other students walking around in jeans, t-shirts, tennis shoes, and sporting a fair bit of camo. Then the student came strolling out wearing a button-up patterned shirt, fitted red corduroy slacks, snakeskin shoes, and knock-off Gucci glasses. Uh huh, yes, I imagine you are having hard time fitting in!

I was driving a student home from an event when we passed through a cloud of skunk spray. When I told her what it was, she was super excited because she'd never smelled a skunk before.

When I asked an 18 year old boy what was his favorite memory so far, he said he loved riding the big yellow school bus, just like they do in the movies! I don't know many 18-year-old American boys who would say that :)


File under: NaBloPoMo Day 20