The other day, I saw a post on FB (which, of course, I can't locate now) about how you can't sit around waiting for your life to begin, because your life is already happening. The obstacles or challenges you're trying to overcome - that's what life is. (If you're the one who shared this post, send me the link, eh?)
I like this sentiment. Looking back through the years, I'd say I've done ok overall of living in the present. Perhaps it was hardest when I was a student, because you've really got the end goal in mind there (graduation), and it can be tough to find the joy in hundreds of pages of assigned reading. But I seized the moment when I could, whether through nighttime Slurpee runs during college or attending random parties at the Slovenian embassy during grad school. And I didn't wait around to have a boyfriend/get married before having adventures like jetting off to Morocco for a week.
Now, I am doing my best to embrace life, one day at a time. I will admit that it was tough when the babies were newborns. I did not enjoy those days too much because I was so sleep deprived, and they really didn't do much that was interesting. But now that they can hold their own heads up, hey, it's getting easier! And it's pretty fun to babble with them. Currently, they like to say "oh! aaaah!" and make gargling noises.
It's hard, though, not to say to myself, "Once they are taking more regular naps, then we can do____," or "Once I'm not afraid of them getting germs from the nursery, then my real mom life will start," or "As soon as they can talk and tell me what they need, things should be easier." I'm sure that when we do arrive at those various milestones, I'll soon identify something else that I'm waiting for.
So today, I'll give them each a bath and enjoy the individualized splashing time, rather than wishing they were big enough to sit up unassisted so I could put them both in the tub together. I'll mix up their bottles without dreaming of the day they can just eat whatever we're having for dinner. And I'll happily babble-talk with them, singing the chorus of their favorite song (because it says ga ga, ooh la la!)
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Friday, December 18, 2015
Kids Are Entertaining
Yesterday the boys were fussing, so in an attempt to entertain them, I picked up this rattle-ball toy and started tossing it back and forth. Oh my gosh, they thought it was hilarious! They totally started cracking up and laughed for like 5 minutes straight. I couldn't help but laugh along with them, even though I didn't know what was so funny about the ball. Apparently it's still funny today, too (I checked this morning).
ha ha ha ha ha!
This episode got me thinking about some of my own childhood memories of laughing fits. My sister and I used to sing "Ba Ba Black Sheep" but for the last line, instead of "lives down the lane," we said "crawls down my leg!" We thought this was the funniest thing ever, and we'd literally roll around on the floor, unable to stop giggling about it. Even thinking about it now, it seems funny :)
Of course, sometimes kids aren't as funny as they think they are. I recall being about six or so when I realized I could laugh like Woody Woodpecker. This seemed like such a neat trick that I would go around showing off my skill to anyone who would listen. Now as an adult, I understand that pretty much everyone can laugh like Woody and anyone who smiled at my impression was probably just humoring a little kid.
ha ha ha ha ha!
This episode got me thinking about some of my own childhood memories of laughing fits. My sister and I used to sing "Ba Ba Black Sheep" but for the last line, instead of "lives down the lane," we said "crawls down my leg!" We thought this was the funniest thing ever, and we'd literally roll around on the floor, unable to stop giggling about it. Even thinking about it now, it seems funny :)
Of course, sometimes kids aren't as funny as they think they are. I recall being about six or so when I realized I could laugh like Woody Woodpecker. This seemed like such a neat trick that I would go around showing off my skill to anyone who would listen. Now as an adult, I understand that pretty much everyone can laugh like Woody and anyone who smiled at my impression was probably just humoring a little kid.
Friday, December 11, 2015
Emerging Personalities
The boys are starting to be awake a bit more often, so I'm able to see their personalities develop now. It's hard to predict the future from how a 4-month old behaves, though. I suppose it's more likely that, as they get older, I'll look back on these baby days and say, "Oh, now I see why you were like that!"
Baby A, the older brother, so far seems to be more noisy and expressive. I call him the "spokes-twin" as he is usually the first one to start making noises. He tends to be a little more patient and calm when it comes to getting his needs met. He's usually content to lay in his crib for awhile and look at his mobile or just chew on his fingers while his brother's getting his diaper changed. Perhaps he'll be taking on the traditional role of the older brother, trying to be a good example to his younger sibling.
Baby B really seems to enjoy one-on-one parental attention. He will "talk" up a storm at the end of his feedings if you make eye contact with him and say "ooh ooh, ga ga" or something else in baby-ese. Sometimes he'll interrupt a feeding if he has a lot on his mind. And also when he's supposed to be going to sleep, he likes to look up and me and start babbling. I predict he'll be the kid who wants to have deep, philosophical conversations to prolong bedtime (taking after his mother).
Just recently, they seem to have discovered each other and now they are kind of obsessed with seeing what their brother is doing. They always want to look at the other one while burping. When they are playing on their play mat, they like to grab onto each other or chew on the other's hands. I hope this is a good sign of many happy years of cooperative play time to come!
Sunday, December 6, 2015
Change is Hard, and Life is Change
You know that feeling when you were used to something, then suddenly things change and you have to adapt to new circumstances? Before, you were all cozy and comfortable - or if not completely cozy, at least you understood how things worked and what to expect. Now, you're in unfamiliar territory and everything feels different and weird. Adapting to new situations is tricky and takes time.
In other words, when mom swaps out your snug little swaddle sack for a bigger "wearable blanket," the only logical response is to wake up several times a night squawking to express your displeasure in the changing circumstances.
Never mind that the swaddle sack was getting too small for you, and you were waking yourself up by busting out of the velcro a couple times a night anyway. It was what you were used to. You'd been sleeping in it for two months or so, which is nearly half your life. This newer, bigger sleeping apparatus is strange. You can kick your legs freely! With the optional swaddle feature, your arms are free to flail as well. Uncharted territory!
But my little darlings, this is among the first of many, many times you'll have to adjust to new circumstances. Before long, you know, you'll be eating solid food. You'll probably enjoy the different flavors and textures, but you won't like every food you try. Some days you might wish you could go back to just drinking milk rather than messing with all the coordination required to chew and swallow. If you only drink milk, though, eventually I think you'd fall off the growth curve - you must accept the change and adapt accordingly.
Really, isn't this what life is? Coping with change, adjusting to new situations, getting comfortable, and then changing again? Whether the changes are positive ones of our own choosing (new job, new house, new relationship) or maybe sad ones we never would have picked (lost job, breakup, death of a loved one), together they make up the sum of a life.
Oh boys, the changes you'll see! I hope we can teach you to be adaptable and enjoy new experiences as they come along. You see to be doing ok with the blankets now after a couple nights. Perhaps this bodes well for your future :)
In other words, when mom swaps out your snug little swaddle sack for a bigger "wearable blanket," the only logical response is to wake up several times a night squawking to express your displeasure in the changing circumstances.
Never mind that the swaddle sack was getting too small for you, and you were waking yourself up by busting out of the velcro a couple times a night anyway. It was what you were used to. You'd been sleeping in it for two months or so, which is nearly half your life. This newer, bigger sleeping apparatus is strange. You can kick your legs freely! With the optional swaddle feature, your arms are free to flail as well. Uncharted territory!
But my little darlings, this is among the first of many, many times you'll have to adjust to new circumstances. Before long, you know, you'll be eating solid food. You'll probably enjoy the different flavors and textures, but you won't like every food you try. Some days you might wish you could go back to just drinking milk rather than messing with all the coordination required to chew and swallow. If you only drink milk, though, eventually I think you'd fall off the growth curve - you must accept the change and adapt accordingly.
Really, isn't this what life is? Coping with change, adjusting to new situations, getting comfortable, and then changing again? Whether the changes are positive ones of our own choosing (new job, new house, new relationship) or maybe sad ones we never would have picked (lost job, breakup, death of a loved one), together they make up the sum of a life.
Oh boys, the changes you'll see! I hope we can teach you to be adaptable and enjoy new experiences as they come along. You see to be doing ok with the blankets now after a couple nights. Perhaps this bodes well for your future :)
Thursday, December 3, 2015
Jury Duty (part I)
Last week, I received a summons to report for jury duty on December 3. It had been mailed about a week earlier to my old address, but lucky for me, our mail forwarding is still in effect. The notice gave very few details about what to expect - it just told me to report to a certain address at 9AM. It also included a list of disqualifying factors for jury selection (such as being a convicted felon).
I decided to visit the website listed to find out more information. Unhelpfully, it only directed me to the Shelby County homepage, rather than the specific page for the jury commission. Go ahead, click on that last link there and see how...helpful...the webpage is. You'll notice a section entitled "Frequently Asked Questions" with no following text. Apparently no one has any questions about being on a jury!
The main question I had was: Can I please defer my service until my infant twins are a bit older? I decided to call the number listed. Well, it seems they only have one phone line or something because I literally called 20 times and got a busy signal before I finally got through. The lady who answered told me that on 12/3, I was simply coming to select a week to serve in the future, and it wouldn't take more than 1.5 hours that day. They also told me if I wanted to select a week perhaps in April or later, that would be no problem. They seemed unsympathetic to my situation as the primary caregiver of two babies.
Luckily, my husband had a couple vacation days he still needed to use up before the end of the year and was able to take the day off to stay home with the kids. So this morning, I drove downtown as instructed. (Sidebar: I don't think I've been downtown in almost a year!) I thought maybe there'd be a garage with free parking for jurors, but no such luck. I had to pay $10 to park in a lot across the street. Upon entering the juror room, I was shocked to see like 400 people there! And I found out there were 4 sessions today (9AM/11AM/1PM/3PM) so that means approximately 1200 people had to deal with this interruption in their regularly scheduled life today.
Promptly at 9AM, the meeting began, and I was done by 10AM. The Commissioner was professional and courteous in explaining the process, and I'm sure she's doing the best she can, but seriously Shelby Co., YOUR JURY SELECTION PROCESS IS EXTREMELY OUTDATED AND INEFFICIENT FOR THE 21ST CENTURY!
We were told that they're in the process of developing an online juror system. Oh lucky me, I got selected for the analog version. After the Commissioner told us about the required court dress code (no shorts, no tank tops) and a judge came by to give us a juror oath, we were allowed to pick our week of service. They offered 5 weeks (Jan 4-Feb 1). When they read off the week you wanted, you stood up, got in a line, and handed in your summons in exchange for a card with your assigned dates. After they took volunteers for those 5 weeks, the rest of us got in line to request an alternate week at a later date. I'm assuming they also were accepting documentation from people who weren't able to serve at all, but I left once I got my date.
Want to know how this could be better?
1) Online system. Obviously, they already know this and are working on it, but seriously it's almost 2016 and they don't have it yet???
2) Don't let people pick their week. It is such a huge waste of time to make everyone show up for an hour just to pick a later week of service. The Commissioner was touting the "pick your week" system as a good thing for Shelby Co., like they are offering great customer service. But it makes the process unnecessarily complicated. Just assign people a week, and if they have a conflict, let them object/reschedule.
3) Add some FAQs to the website
4) Offer childcare
5) Give free parking or parking validation, and bus passes for people who don't drive
6) Increase the jury commission's budget to make 1, 4 & 5 possible. (HA HA that's never going to happen in Shelby Co. where the only things the gov't wants to fund are police and fire departments)
For comparison's sake, here is what happened nearly a decade ago when I was summoned for jury duty in Washington DC.
-A few weeks in advance, I received a notice in the mail.
-The notice included detailed instructions for what to do.
-I was assigned 3 days to call in the night before, enter my code, and find out if I needed to report the following morning.
-As instructed, I called each night. I wasn't needed, so I never had to go anywhere or miss work/school for an unnecessary scheduling meeting!
I'll post Part II of this series after I serve my week, but that won't be until June so don't sit around obsessively refreshing your screen :)
I decided to visit the website listed to find out more information. Unhelpfully, it only directed me to the Shelby County homepage, rather than the specific page for the jury commission. Go ahead, click on that last link there and see how...helpful...the webpage is. You'll notice a section entitled "Frequently Asked Questions" with no following text. Apparently no one has any questions about being on a jury!
The main question I had was: Can I please defer my service until my infant twins are a bit older? I decided to call the number listed. Well, it seems they only have one phone line or something because I literally called 20 times and got a busy signal before I finally got through. The lady who answered told me that on 12/3, I was simply coming to select a week to serve in the future, and it wouldn't take more than 1.5 hours that day. They also told me if I wanted to select a week perhaps in April or later, that would be no problem. They seemed unsympathetic to my situation as the primary caregiver of two babies.
Luckily, my husband had a couple vacation days he still needed to use up before the end of the year and was able to take the day off to stay home with the kids. So this morning, I drove downtown as instructed. (Sidebar: I don't think I've been downtown in almost a year!) I thought maybe there'd be a garage with free parking for jurors, but no such luck. I had to pay $10 to park in a lot across the street. Upon entering the juror room, I was shocked to see like 400 people there! And I found out there were 4 sessions today (9AM/11AM/1PM/3PM) so that means approximately 1200 people had to deal with this interruption in their regularly scheduled life today.
Promptly at 9AM, the meeting began, and I was done by 10AM. The Commissioner was professional and courteous in explaining the process, and I'm sure she's doing the best she can, but seriously Shelby Co., YOUR JURY SELECTION PROCESS IS EXTREMELY OUTDATED AND INEFFICIENT FOR THE 21ST CENTURY!
We were told that they're in the process of developing an online juror system. Oh lucky me, I got selected for the analog version. After the Commissioner told us about the required court dress code (no shorts, no tank tops) and a judge came by to give us a juror oath, we were allowed to pick our week of service. They offered 5 weeks (Jan 4-Feb 1). When they read off the week you wanted, you stood up, got in a line, and handed in your summons in exchange for a card with your assigned dates. After they took volunteers for those 5 weeks, the rest of us got in line to request an alternate week at a later date. I'm assuming they also were accepting documentation from people who weren't able to serve at all, but I left once I got my date.
Want to know how this could be better?
1) Online system. Obviously, they already know this and are working on it, but seriously it's almost 2016 and they don't have it yet???
2) Don't let people pick their week. It is such a huge waste of time to make everyone show up for an hour just to pick a later week of service. The Commissioner was touting the "pick your week" system as a good thing for Shelby Co., like they are offering great customer service. But it makes the process unnecessarily complicated. Just assign people a week, and if they have a conflict, let them object/reschedule.
3) Add some FAQs to the website
4) Offer childcare
5) Give free parking or parking validation, and bus passes for people who don't drive
6) Increase the jury commission's budget to make 1, 4 & 5 possible. (HA HA that's never going to happen in Shelby Co. where the only things the gov't wants to fund are police and fire departments)
For comparison's sake, here is what happened nearly a decade ago when I was summoned for jury duty in Washington DC.
-A few weeks in advance, I received a notice in the mail.
-The notice included detailed instructions for what to do.
-I was assigned 3 days to call in the night before, enter my code, and find out if I needed to report the following morning.
-As instructed, I called each night. I wasn't needed, so I never had to go anywhere or miss work/school for an unnecessary scheduling meeting!
I'll post Part II of this series after I serve my week, but that won't be until June so don't sit around obsessively refreshing your screen :)
Monday, November 30, 2015
Day 30: Mission Accomplished
Our NaBloPoMo journey together has come to an end. Thanks for reading! When I decided to try blogging every day for a month, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to achieve the goal, but I made it!
Why did I do it? I suppose I wanted to prove to myself that, although it doesn't always feel true, I do still have a functioning brain in my skull and am capable of communicating thoughts with the world beyond discussions of baby feeding schedules.
It's been a good exercise. While I'm glad to be done with the (self-imposed) pressure to post daily, I do plan to still write from time to time as interesting things happen. If you'd like to subscribe to my blog via email to be notified of new posts, there's a link over to the right side of the page (on the desktop version, at least). Or, add me to your RSS feed (I like Feedly). I'll post links on my FB page as well.
According to my Blogger stats, this month's most popular post was The Emotions of Motherhood. Does this mean I've become a mommy blogger? Ack! That wasn't part of the plan. But I guess being a parent is a common experience that lots of people can relate to, so perhaps that explains the popularity.
Someone asked me (IRL) why I refer to my husband as DF on the blog. No, those aren't his initials. It's short for his online nickname, Das Fenster. If any other readers have questions for Salmonista, ask away :)
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 30
Why did I do it? I suppose I wanted to prove to myself that, although it doesn't always feel true, I do still have a functioning brain in my skull and am capable of communicating thoughts with the world beyond discussions of baby feeding schedules.
It's been a good exercise. While I'm glad to be done with the (self-imposed) pressure to post daily, I do plan to still write from time to time as interesting things happen. If you'd like to subscribe to my blog via email to be notified of new posts, there's a link over to the right side of the page (on the desktop version, at least). Or, add me to your RSS feed (I like Feedly). I'll post links on my FB page as well.
According to my Blogger stats, this month's most popular post was The Emotions of Motherhood. Does this mean I've become a mommy blogger? Ack! That wasn't part of the plan. But I guess being a parent is a common experience that lots of people can relate to, so perhaps that explains the popularity.
Someone asked me (IRL) why I refer to my husband as DF on the blog. No, those aren't his initials. It's short for his online nickname, Das Fenster. If any other readers have questions for Salmonista, ask away :)
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 30
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Parenthood: Imagination vs. Reality
This is the final reader-suggested topic for the month!
Here's how I imagined motherhood would be (idealized version):
After we'd been married two years or so, we'd have one kid. During pregnancy, I would go to prenatal yoga and Lamaze/birthing classes where I would make lots of mommy friends, and we'd hang out together after our kids were born. I'd deliver a full-term baby. The baby would wear cloth diapers and be exclusively breastfed without any issues.
After a few weeks of adjusting to life with a baby, I'd be out and about, wearing the baby in a carrier, taking walks around the neighborhood, going to baby story time at the library, etc. Sometimes I'd leave the baby home with daddy to go out for a "girls night" and have some fun, because being a mom certainly would not consume my whole identity.
In a couple more years, we'd have another kid, and then depending on how things were going, maybe a third.
Less idealized, imagined version:
I knew I'd be tired, but everyone kept saying "sleep when the baby sleeps," so I thought I'd get to take lots of naps. I'd read the humorous articles about how to prepare for parenthood and figured there were some grains of truth there. I was apprehensive about taking care of a baby, not having much baby experience. But I figured that once the baby was born, some sort of "mom switch" would activate in my brain and I'd just magically know what to do.
How motherhood really turned out, so far:
After we'd been married 4.5 years, we found out we were expecting identical twins.
<screeeeeech! sound of expectations massively shifting!>
I had a complicated and eventful pregnancy. I wound up spending most of my time napping or eating, becoming increasingly absentminded and requiring frequent bathroom breaks. Towards the end, it took herculean effort to get in/out of the car or up off the couch; yoga wasn't really on my radar screen. We attended a couple birthing classes before I went into the hospital on bed rest but didn't make any new friends. I delivered two months early. The babies wear disposable diapers. Breastfeeding hasn't really worked out for us, so I'm still pumping regularly, and they eat formula about half the time.
For the first I'd say 3.5 months, I was utterly exhausted all the time, unsure of myself and my mothering skills. Even just doing the bare minimum to keep the household functioning - laundry, washing bottles, feeding myself - takes up some time that could have been used for napping. I could barely string two sentences together, let alone get dressed and leave the house. We still rarely go anywhere with the babies because it just takes too much work! We do venture out maybe once a week for something like church or a social event. Girls nights? Ha ha! I don't really trust anyone besides DF to watch the kids, nor do I have energy to be going out in the evenings, plus it would mess up my pumping schedule.
We don't know yet if we're going to have more kids or not; we're grateful for the two infants we have, but they are rather overwhelming.
That's reality for you!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 29
Here's how I imagined motherhood would be (idealized version):
After we'd been married two years or so, we'd have one kid. During pregnancy, I would go to prenatal yoga and Lamaze/birthing classes where I would make lots of mommy friends, and we'd hang out together after our kids were born. I'd deliver a full-term baby. The baby would wear cloth diapers and be exclusively breastfed without any issues.
After a few weeks of adjusting to life with a baby, I'd be out and about, wearing the baby in a carrier, taking walks around the neighborhood, going to baby story time at the library, etc. Sometimes I'd leave the baby home with daddy to go out for a "girls night" and have some fun, because being a mom certainly would not consume my whole identity.
In a couple more years, we'd have another kid, and then depending on how things were going, maybe a third.
Less idealized, imagined version:
I knew I'd be tired, but everyone kept saying "sleep when the baby sleeps," so I thought I'd get to take lots of naps. I'd read the humorous articles about how to prepare for parenthood and figured there were some grains of truth there. I was apprehensive about taking care of a baby, not having much baby experience. But I figured that once the baby was born, some sort of "mom switch" would activate in my brain and I'd just magically know what to do.
How motherhood really turned out, so far:
After we'd been married 4.5 years, we found out we were expecting identical twins.
<screeeeeech! sound of expectations massively shifting!>
I had a complicated and eventful pregnancy. I wound up spending most of my time napping or eating, becoming increasingly absentminded and requiring frequent bathroom breaks. Towards the end, it took herculean effort to get in/out of the car or up off the couch; yoga wasn't really on my radar screen. We attended a couple birthing classes before I went into the hospital on bed rest but didn't make any new friends. I delivered two months early. The babies wear disposable diapers. Breastfeeding hasn't really worked out for us, so I'm still pumping regularly, and they eat formula about half the time.
For the first I'd say 3.5 months, I was utterly exhausted all the time, unsure of myself and my mothering skills. Even just doing the bare minimum to keep the household functioning - laundry, washing bottles, feeding myself - takes up some time that could have been used for napping. I could barely string two sentences together, let alone get dressed and leave the house. We still rarely go anywhere with the babies because it just takes too much work! We do venture out maybe once a week for something like church or a social event. Girls nights? Ha ha! I don't really trust anyone besides DF to watch the kids, nor do I have energy to be going out in the evenings, plus it would mess up my pumping schedule.
We don't know yet if we're going to have more kids or not; we're grateful for the two infants we have, but they are rather overwhelming.
That's reality for you!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 29
Saturday, November 28, 2015
Blooper Reel
Today's post is another reader-suggested topic: tell us some funny stories of things that happened during pregnancy/first months of parenthood. You know I like to entertain the masses! I'm sure a lot more funny things happened, but I've already forgotten them, I fear...baby brain...
Cravings
My food aversions and cravings started pretty early on in pregnancy. I suddenly wanted to eat canned peaches all the time, and macaroni and cheese (even though I'm lactose intolerant). Those were easy enough to fulfill, but then I got a big-time craving for Taco Time crisp bean burritos. Problem! Taco Time doesn't have any locations in Memphis. I tried making them myself at home. They were not too bad, actually. One day I hit rock bottom and actually started craving Taco Bell. Prior to that, I don't think I'd eaten at Taco Bell for the better part of a decade after reading some article about how their "meat" is super sketchy. Nevertheless, there I was, chomping on a crunchy taco...on multiple occasions!
Clumsiness
1) I had made some toast and was carrying it out to the living room when, for a reason I can't recall, I had to go over to the front door. As I approached the door, my plate tilted and the toast fell on the floor. I tried to pick it up, but I literally could not bend over that far. So, it laid there until DF got home from work. By that point, I'd forgotten about it until he said, "Uh, is there a reason that bread is laying on the floor over here?"
2) One Saturday morning, I was sitting on the couch, thinking about attacking the day. I asked DF, "Did I take a shower yet today?" He said, "No." About 2 seconds later, I picked up my water glass to take a drink, proceeding to miss my mouth and dump water all over myself. Well, that's one way to shower.
3) We were starting to pack up to move (we moved from an apartment to house when I was 6.5 months along). I was home alone, squatting by a box in the bedroom looking for something. Suddenly I could feel myself losing my balance and couldn't do anything about it. I tipped over like an egg! Luckily I was already close to the ground and the closet door was right behind me, so I didn't fall too far.
Sleep Deprivation
This one is courtesy of my mother, who was visiting and helping out with the babies when they first came home from the hospital. One night she was assisting with the night shift. Being in the 60+ category, sleep deprivation was pretty tough on her and she found it a bit challenging to actually stay awake for night duties. She was feeding one of the babies in bed, put him up on her shoulder to burp him, and then woke up a bit later patting herself on the face. Burp the grandma!
Gas Cloud
[This is a fart story. If that grosses you out, skip this part!]
Last week I had both the boys on their play mat doing tummy time. They were getting hungry, so I flipped them over to their backs and was getting ready to carry them out to the living room. One had his butt right over the other one's head and he took advantage of that opportunity to totally let one rip! Then he chuckled and the victim whimpered. I'm sure that was just the first of many fart wars. Plus, he got his brother back later by kicking him in the head during another play session... Seriously, I better watch out for these two.
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 28
Cravings
My food aversions and cravings started pretty early on in pregnancy. I suddenly wanted to eat canned peaches all the time, and macaroni and cheese (even though I'm lactose intolerant). Those were easy enough to fulfill, but then I got a big-time craving for Taco Time crisp bean burritos. Problem! Taco Time doesn't have any locations in Memphis. I tried making them myself at home. They were not too bad, actually. One day I hit rock bottom and actually started craving Taco Bell. Prior to that, I don't think I'd eaten at Taco Bell for the better part of a decade after reading some article about how their "meat" is super sketchy. Nevertheless, there I was, chomping on a crunchy taco...on multiple occasions!
Clumsiness
1) I had made some toast and was carrying it out to the living room when, for a reason I can't recall, I had to go over to the front door. As I approached the door, my plate tilted and the toast fell on the floor. I tried to pick it up, but I literally could not bend over that far. So, it laid there until DF got home from work. By that point, I'd forgotten about it until he said, "Uh, is there a reason that bread is laying on the floor over here?"
2) One Saturday morning, I was sitting on the couch, thinking about attacking the day. I asked DF, "Did I take a shower yet today?" He said, "No." About 2 seconds later, I picked up my water glass to take a drink, proceeding to miss my mouth and dump water all over myself. Well, that's one way to shower.
3) We were starting to pack up to move (we moved from an apartment to house when I was 6.5 months along). I was home alone, squatting by a box in the bedroom looking for something. Suddenly I could feel myself losing my balance and couldn't do anything about it. I tipped over like an egg! Luckily I was already close to the ground and the closet door was right behind me, so I didn't fall too far.
Sleep Deprivation
This one is courtesy of my mother, who was visiting and helping out with the babies when they first came home from the hospital. One night she was assisting with the night shift. Being in the 60+ category, sleep deprivation was pretty tough on her and she found it a bit challenging to actually stay awake for night duties. She was feeding one of the babies in bed, put him up on her shoulder to burp him, and then woke up a bit later patting herself on the face. Burp the grandma!
Gas Cloud
[This is a fart story. If that grosses you out, skip this part!]
Last week I had both the boys on their play mat doing tummy time. They were getting hungry, so I flipped them over to their backs and was getting ready to carry them out to the living room. One had his butt right over the other one's head and he took advantage of that opportunity to totally let one rip! Then he chuckled and the victim whimpered. I'm sure that was just the first of many fart wars. Plus, he got his brother back later by kicking him in the head during another play session... Seriously, I better watch out for these two.
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 28
Friday, November 27, 2015
Health Care Reform: A Manifesto
Surprisingly, when I solicited topic suggestions from the audience, none of you suggested "health care reform"! But good news, you get to read my manifesto anyway :)
I try to stay away from potentially divisive/flame-war-type topics on this blog because I'm really not into stirring up controversy. I'm also aware that my readers span the political spectrum, and I don't want to alienate anyone. But I have a bee in my bonnet, so to speak, about medical care in this country. Why have a blog if not to spout my own opinions?
(I've been working on this post for several days. Don't think I wrote it all this morning in a post-turkey burst of energy!)
It's time for our annual health insurance enrollment. DF's employer offers many different options (too many, in my opinion), and it's always a challenge to make a choice. We want to get the best value for our money; we also want to have access to good quality care. I'm used to wading through the miasma of co-pays vs. deductibles, co-insurance, in vs. out of network... This year we've got the added wrinkle of having established relationships with several doctors and specialists for the boys' numerous post-NICU checkups. So we have to take all these factors into consideration, and the resulting swirl of data is giving me a headache.
Have you ever stopped to think about how crazy our health insurance system really is in this country? I mean, why do we have employer-provided insurance at all? (Short answer: it was a post-Depression payroll tax dodge scheme that stuck. For a longer answer, read these articles.) Why isn't medical care something that we, as a society, collectively provide for everyone?
Think about public education. We have decided, as a nation, that it's in our best interests to have educated children that turn into productive adults. They will become the workers who are needed to keep fueling our economy, after all. So, we all pay taxes to support public schools. In most states, I think education funding comes from property taxes. (Except for homeless people, we are all paying property taxes, either directly as homeowners, or indirectly as renters when we pay the landlord.) Then all kids get to go to school for free. It doesn't matter if you have 0 kids, 2 kids, or 10 kids - your property taxes don't change. It also doesn't matter if all 10 of your kids require special education services, or if you opt out of the public system for private or home school.
Now, think about health care. Isn't it our best interests, as a nation, to have healthy people? Shouldn't we all, collectively, share in the funding burden for medical care? Healthy people can work more, thereby contributing to the economy. And that's in addition to the rationale of health care as a rather basic human need.
But how is our system organized right now? People who can afford insurance buy it, or have it provided by their employer. If they're really poor, the government picks up the tab (but not semi-poor). Or if they're old, the government also picks up the tab. Isn't this sort of non-sensical? People need medical care regardless of their employment status, income level, or age. Can't we all agree on that at least?
My boys and I were very heavy users of the health care system this year. We have insurance through Aetna. We'd been customers of the company for about 2 years before the babies were born. Through my various medical complications and the boys' 6-week stay in the NICU, we quickly cost the company more than we're paying in premiums, and we also hit our out of pocket maximum for the year. That means that all the other Aetna customers are footing the bill (via their premium payments) for our medical expenses. While I'm grateful to have insurance so we don't wind up bankrupt because of medical bills, I don't think it's fair that only other Aetna customers are covering our costs. Again, back to my harping on "society," it is in the collective national interest that my children grow up healthy to become contributing citizens, and that I am also healthy enough to take care of them. So it would be more equitable for everyone to bear the cost of our health care through the tax system instead of just a select group of customers who also purchase insurance through Aetna.
Incidentally, I also think that the medical billing system is totally insane and out of control. I got an Explanation of Benefits for one part of the NICU stay that said the hospital had billed something like $100K, and Aetna's negotiated rate was in the neighborhood of $25K. Seriously?? I feel like the hospital just sets their price artificially high so they can give insurance companies a discount and everyone thinks they're getting a deal. Why can't we just pay medical providers the actual cost for their services without all the gimmicks? Also, why are medical bills so impossible to decipher?
I was disappointed in the final version of Obamacare that Congress passed. In my opinion, it didn't do enough to really reform the system. Why did certain members of Congress insist on dropping the public option? I was excited about that! Now all we have is a lame system of subsidies that basically transfers money from tax payers to health insurance companies, where CEOs are paid millions of dollars a year. Is this really the most effective use of our national resources?
No! To solve these problems, we need a single payer health care system, funded by taxes. Let's eliminate all private insurance. That would really save a lot of money! Think of it like this: right now, there is a giant bag of money that represents all medical spending in this country, including health insurance premiums. If we got rid of insurance companies and had the government pay for all medical care, we would stop wasting money on so much administration/overhead and lining CEOs' pockets. (Ok, yes, I'm talking about cutting jobs, but that is what happens when times change.)
Ideally I'd prefer something like England's National Health System. They believe that good health care should be available to all, regardless of wealth. Yes! That's what I'm saying! Under the Salmonista plan, the medical industry would be nationalized; all medical personnel would become government employees and medical facilities also would be government-run. But I have a feeling that will never fly in this country as it smacks too much of socialism. I could probably settle for the Bernie Sanders' plan, aka Medicare for All. It's like the Canadian system, but better. Plus we have several other countries to look at as models of a single-payer system. We can learn from their mistakes. Maybe the Swedish system is more our style - it's slightly less centralized.
Now, people are probably going to complain about this plan because it raises taxes. But guess what, you're going to have more money because you don't have to buy health insurance anymore, or save money to cover unexpected medical bills. Also your employer won't have to provide you insurance, so maybe you'll get a raise! So I think it would be a wash for middle class people who already have insurance, probably. (See, this is why I'd be a bad politician. You can't really sell people on new policies with the slogan, "It's a wash, probably!") And it would really help people on the lower end of the income spectrum who currently can't afford health care or who are drowning in medical debt.
In conclusion, we need to get with the program of the rest of the developed world and provide health care for all Americans through a national tax.
Thank you for reading my morning diatribe :)
(Disclosure time: if you've seen the movie The Blind Side, remember that scene where the tutor admits her political leanings? Yeah...um, full disclosure, I'm a Democrat. But I'm actually further to the left than that, usually. I voted for the Green Party candidate for TN governor in the last election because I was disillusioned with the major parties. I hope all you Southerners will still be my friend!)
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 27
I try to stay away from potentially divisive/flame-war-type topics on this blog because I'm really not into stirring up controversy. I'm also aware that my readers span the political spectrum, and I don't want to alienate anyone. But I have a bee in my bonnet, so to speak, about medical care in this country. Why have a blog if not to spout my own opinions?
(I've been working on this post for several days. Don't think I wrote it all this morning in a post-turkey burst of energy!)
It's time for our annual health insurance enrollment. DF's employer offers many different options (too many, in my opinion), and it's always a challenge to make a choice. We want to get the best value for our money; we also want to have access to good quality care. I'm used to wading through the miasma of co-pays vs. deductibles, co-insurance, in vs. out of network... This year we've got the added wrinkle of having established relationships with several doctors and specialists for the boys' numerous post-NICU checkups. So we have to take all these factors into consideration, and the resulting swirl of data is giving me a headache.
Have you ever stopped to think about how crazy our health insurance system really is in this country? I mean, why do we have employer-provided insurance at all? (Short answer: it was a post-Depression payroll tax dodge scheme that stuck. For a longer answer, read these articles.) Why isn't medical care something that we, as a society, collectively provide for everyone?
Think about public education. We have decided, as a nation, that it's in our best interests to have educated children that turn into productive adults. They will become the workers who are needed to keep fueling our economy, after all. So, we all pay taxes to support public schools. In most states, I think education funding comes from property taxes. (Except for homeless people, we are all paying property taxes, either directly as homeowners, or indirectly as renters when we pay the landlord.) Then all kids get to go to school for free. It doesn't matter if you have 0 kids, 2 kids, or 10 kids - your property taxes don't change. It also doesn't matter if all 10 of your kids require special education services, or if you opt out of the public system for private or home school.
Now, think about health care. Isn't it our best interests, as a nation, to have healthy people? Shouldn't we all, collectively, share in the funding burden for medical care? Healthy people can work more, thereby contributing to the economy. And that's in addition to the rationale of health care as a rather basic human need.
But how is our system organized right now? People who can afford insurance buy it, or have it provided by their employer. If they're really poor, the government picks up the tab (but not semi-poor). Or if they're old, the government also picks up the tab. Isn't this sort of non-sensical? People need medical care regardless of their employment status, income level, or age. Can't we all agree on that at least?
My boys and I were very heavy users of the health care system this year. We have insurance through Aetna. We'd been customers of the company for about 2 years before the babies were born. Through my various medical complications and the boys' 6-week stay in the NICU, we quickly cost the company more than we're paying in premiums, and we also hit our out of pocket maximum for the year. That means that all the other Aetna customers are footing the bill (via their premium payments) for our medical expenses. While I'm grateful to have insurance so we don't wind up bankrupt because of medical bills, I don't think it's fair that only other Aetna customers are covering our costs. Again, back to my harping on "society," it is in the collective national interest that my children grow up healthy to become contributing citizens, and that I am also healthy enough to take care of them. So it would be more equitable for everyone to bear the cost of our health care through the tax system instead of just a select group of customers who also purchase insurance through Aetna.
Incidentally, I also think that the medical billing system is totally insane and out of control. I got an Explanation of Benefits for one part of the NICU stay that said the hospital had billed something like $100K, and Aetna's negotiated rate was in the neighborhood of $25K. Seriously?? I feel like the hospital just sets their price artificially high so they can give insurance companies a discount and everyone thinks they're getting a deal. Why can't we just pay medical providers the actual cost for their services without all the gimmicks? Also, why are medical bills so impossible to decipher?
I was disappointed in the final version of Obamacare that Congress passed. In my opinion, it didn't do enough to really reform the system. Why did certain members of Congress insist on dropping the public option? I was excited about that! Now all we have is a lame system of subsidies that basically transfers money from tax payers to health insurance companies, where CEOs are paid millions of dollars a year. Is this really the most effective use of our national resources?
No! To solve these problems, we need a single payer health care system, funded by taxes. Let's eliminate all private insurance. That would really save a lot of money! Think of it like this: right now, there is a giant bag of money that represents all medical spending in this country, including health insurance premiums. If we got rid of insurance companies and had the government pay for all medical care, we would stop wasting money on so much administration/overhead and lining CEOs' pockets. (Ok, yes, I'm talking about cutting jobs, but that is what happens when times change.)
Ideally I'd prefer something like England's National Health System. They believe that good health care should be available to all, regardless of wealth. Yes! That's what I'm saying! Under the Salmonista plan, the medical industry would be nationalized; all medical personnel would become government employees and medical facilities also would be government-run. But I have a feeling that will never fly in this country as it smacks too much of socialism. I could probably settle for the Bernie Sanders' plan, aka Medicare for All. It's like the Canadian system, but better. Plus we have several other countries to look at as models of a single-payer system. We can learn from their mistakes. Maybe the Swedish system is more our style - it's slightly less centralized.
Now, people are probably going to complain about this plan because it raises taxes. But guess what, you're going to have more money because you don't have to buy health insurance anymore, or save money to cover unexpected medical bills. Also your employer won't have to provide you insurance, so maybe you'll get a raise! So I think it would be a wash for middle class people who already have insurance, probably. (See, this is why I'd be a bad politician. You can't really sell people on new policies with the slogan, "It's a wash, probably!") And it would really help people on the lower end of the income spectrum who currently can't afford health care or who are drowning in medical debt.
In conclusion, we need to get with the program of the rest of the developed world and provide health care for all Americans through a national tax.
Thank you for reading my morning diatribe :)
(Disclosure time: if you've seen the movie The Blind Side, remember that scene where the tutor admits her political leanings? Yeah...um, full disclosure, I'm a Democrat. But I'm actually further to the left than that, usually. I voted for the Green Party candidate for TN governor in the last election because I was disillusioned with the major parties. I hope all you Southerners will still be my friend!)
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 27
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Thanksgiving
(Be sure to pronounce it THANKSgiving if you're in the South!)
I'm once again just squeaking in under the wire with today's post.
I'm too tired to write anything witty or profound. Today, I'm giving thanks for my family - extended and immediate. I'm also thankful for good friends in Memphis who invited us to share in their feast today and then held the boys so we could actually eat our food. It was marvelous!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 26
I'm once again just squeaking in under the wire with today's post.
I'm too tired to write anything witty or profound. Today, I'm giving thanks for my family - extended and immediate. I'm also thankful for good friends in Memphis who invited us to share in their feast today and then held the boys so we could actually eat our food. It was marvelous!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 26
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Familial Geography
Thanks to those readers who offered suggestions for topics you'd like to read about! If you have any further suggestions, feel free to leave them as comments here. Today's topic was suggested by one of my elementary school friends - how do I deal with living so far away from family?
To answer this question, it probably helps to start a few generations ago. Most of my great-great grandparents immigrated to the US from Germany a little over 100 years ago, and I'm assuming they left many family members behind in the process. Another branch of the family came from England by way of Canada, and they probably also said farewell to relatives when leaving the motherland. So, I may be genetically predisposed to relocation.
My own parents are also trailblazers of sorts. After growing up on the East Coast, my father was the first of his siblings to move away, accepting a one-year job out west (where he still lives 40+ years later). Every two or three years we'd make the pilgrimage out to visit our grandparents and all the relatives. That was probably one of my first new cultural experiences, actually - learning how they said "frankfurter" (well, technically frank-foot-ah) instead of "hot dog," and catching lightning bugs at night.
Meanwhile, my mother left her small town in NW Oregon for college nearly 2 hours away and wound up staying as well. What can I say, the mid-Willamette Valley must have hypnotic powers :) During my childhood, we saw my mom's side of the family a lot more often than my dad's since it was a relatively short drive. I mean, when I was a kid I thought it took FOREVER to get there, but really it's not that bad. We spent lots of time with our cousins, creating our own "cousin language," putting on plays, coming up with new games, and generally enjoying being kids.
Now, the extended families are starting to scatter as my parents' siblings reach retirement and decide where they want to live out their golden years. My immediate family still lives in Oregon, though.
So back to the question at hand: how is it living so far away from family? Memphis is definitely far away. DF has an aunt in Arkansas and I have one in North Carolina. Those are our closest family members. But to be honest, I'm pretty much used to not living near family. I haven't lived with my parents since the first summer of college. I've tried to get back and visit as much as I can over holidays, and summer breaks during grad school. We stay in touch these days mainly by text and email. With the grandbabies now, we're also Skyping from time to time.
I know that I miss out on the more routine aspects of life by not living nearby. My family members are pretty good about telling me stories of interesting things that I miss (sometimes such good storytellers that later on, I actually think I was there to witness the event!) We have a number of traditions that we try to carry on around holidays and birthdays.
But now that we have kids, I'm starting to realize the perks that I'm missing by being so far away from relatives. #1 at the moment is free babysitting by people I trust who actually would love to hang out with the kiddos. The boys don't have any first cousins (on either side of the family), though hopefully someday they will. Once they do have cousins, I hope they will have the kind of fun together that my cousins and I did. For that to happen, we'd probably need to live close enough that they can visit each other regularly.
Perhaps DF and I are just too independent for our own good. We've talked about ways to live closer to family. We're somewhat limited by his job in terms of location; his employer has several different offices, but none in his home state on the prairie. California is a realistic possibility some day, but then I'd have to be a Californian and I really don't know if I can handle that! Plus I don't want to live in the next dust bowl... And then we have to consider our dream of living in a foreign country for a few years, which would be a whole new ballgame with kids!
I think the key for us will be creating our own traditions within our new little family so our boys have a sense of belonging right from the start. We'll also make it a priority to visit both sides of the family as often as we can to create lasting memories. Beyond that, we'll have to figure it out as we go along!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 25
To answer this question, it probably helps to start a few generations ago. Most of my great-great grandparents immigrated to the US from Germany a little over 100 years ago, and I'm assuming they left many family members behind in the process. Another branch of the family came from England by way of Canada, and they probably also said farewell to relatives when leaving the motherland. So, I may be genetically predisposed to relocation.
My own parents are also trailblazers of sorts. After growing up on the East Coast, my father was the first of his siblings to move away, accepting a one-year job out west (where he still lives 40+ years later). Every two or three years we'd make the pilgrimage out to visit our grandparents and all the relatives. That was probably one of my first new cultural experiences, actually - learning how they said "frankfurter" (well, technically frank-foot-ah) instead of "hot dog," and catching lightning bugs at night.
Meanwhile, my mother left her small town in NW Oregon for college nearly 2 hours away and wound up staying as well. What can I say, the mid-Willamette Valley must have hypnotic powers :) During my childhood, we saw my mom's side of the family a lot more often than my dad's since it was a relatively short drive. I mean, when I was a kid I thought it took FOREVER to get there, but really it's not that bad. We spent lots of time with our cousins, creating our own "cousin language," putting on plays, coming up with new games, and generally enjoying being kids.
Now, the extended families are starting to scatter as my parents' siblings reach retirement and decide where they want to live out their golden years. My immediate family still lives in Oregon, though.
So back to the question at hand: how is it living so far away from family? Memphis is definitely far away. DF has an aunt in Arkansas and I have one in North Carolina. Those are our closest family members. But to be honest, I'm pretty much used to not living near family. I haven't lived with my parents since the first summer of college. I've tried to get back and visit as much as I can over holidays, and summer breaks during grad school. We stay in touch these days mainly by text and email. With the grandbabies now, we're also Skyping from time to time.
I know that I miss out on the more routine aspects of life by not living nearby. My family members are pretty good about telling me stories of interesting things that I miss (sometimes such good storytellers that later on, I actually think I was there to witness the event!) We have a number of traditions that we try to carry on around holidays and birthdays.
But now that we have kids, I'm starting to realize the perks that I'm missing by being so far away from relatives. #1 at the moment is free babysitting by people I trust who actually would love to hang out with the kiddos. The boys don't have any first cousins (on either side of the family), though hopefully someday they will. Once they do have cousins, I hope they will have the kind of fun together that my cousins and I did. For that to happen, we'd probably need to live close enough that they can visit each other regularly.
Perhaps DF and I are just too independent for our own good. We've talked about ways to live closer to family. We're somewhat limited by his job in terms of location; his employer has several different offices, but none in his home state on the prairie. California is a realistic possibility some day, but then I'd have to be a Californian and I really don't know if I can handle that! Plus I don't want to live in the next dust bowl... And then we have to consider our dream of living in a foreign country for a few years, which would be a whole new ballgame with kids!
I think the key for us will be creating our own traditions within our new little family so our boys have a sense of belonging right from the start. We'll also make it a priority to visit both sides of the family as often as we can to create lasting memories. Beyond that, we'll have to figure it out as we go along!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 25
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
What I Like(d) About Seattle
Since I gave Memphis a shout-out last week, I figured I'd note some of the things I liked about living in Seattle. I lived there two different times from the late 90s till we moved south two years ago.
Greenery
The PNW is full of evergreen trees so no matter the season, it's always green somewhere. Winter is especially green as a layer of moss starts to grow on damp surfaces like sidewalks. I didn't appreciate the greenery until I lived in DC for a few years where everything dies in the winter.
"Green"-ness
Seattle is an eco-friendly city. Recycling is required by law! Restaurants have to use compostable to-go containers (no styrofoam!), and people in general are into reducing and reusing as well.
Diversity
It seemed like there were people from nearly every country who called the Seattle area home. It's a big area for refugee resettlement, in addition to being an immigration magnet for jobs because of the tech industry. The city has as Asian influence that I definitely miss. I feel like I hardly ever even see Asian people in Memphis.
Food and Drink
Just a few of the things I miss include: Ivar's salmon and chips, good teriyaki (made with that thick, syrupy sauce), Hawaiian food, coffee snobbery being a common and accepted way of life, Mac & Jack's African Amber, and wineries nearby.
Landscape
I love that you can see the Olympic and Cascade mountain ranges from Seattle. I can still picture driving west on 50th Ave with the Olympics in front of me and the Cascades in my rearview mirror...ahh, so glorious. One of my favorite views in the city is at Sunset Hill Park. If I had millions of dollars, I would totally buy a view house in that neighborhood.
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 24
Greenery
The PNW is full of evergreen trees so no matter the season, it's always green somewhere. Winter is especially green as a layer of moss starts to grow on damp surfaces like sidewalks. I didn't appreciate the greenery until I lived in DC for a few years where everything dies in the winter.
"Green"-ness
Seattle is an eco-friendly city. Recycling is required by law! Restaurants have to use compostable to-go containers (no styrofoam!), and people in general are into reducing and reusing as well.
Diversity
It seemed like there were people from nearly every country who called the Seattle area home. It's a big area for refugee resettlement, in addition to being an immigration magnet for jobs because of the tech industry. The city has as Asian influence that I definitely miss. I feel like I hardly ever even see Asian people in Memphis.
Food and Drink
Just a few of the things I miss include: Ivar's salmon and chips, good teriyaki (made with that thick, syrupy sauce), Hawaiian food, coffee snobbery being a common and accepted way of life, Mac & Jack's African Amber, and wineries nearby.
Landscape
I love that you can see the Olympic and Cascade mountain ranges from Seattle. I can still picture driving west on 50th Ave with the Olympics in front of me and the Cascades in my rearview mirror...ahh, so glorious. One of my favorite views in the city is at Sunset Hill Park. If I had millions of dollars, I would totally buy a view house in that neighborhood.
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 24
Monday, November 23, 2015
The Soothing Sound of the Dishwasher
Last night, I was washing the dishes after putting the boys to bed. It reminded me of my own childhood, when I used to lay in bed listening to my mom either cooking or cleaning in the kitchen. I remember feeling safe and secure with the lullaby of running water and clanging pans in the background. I think I usually drifted off before silence fell over the house. Once the noises stopped, it meant everyone was in bed. That's when I would start to get a little worried - why was I still awake, if the rest of my family was asleep?
I wonder what noises my kids will find soothing. We got them a sound machine to (allegedly) help them sleep better. I'm using the "ocean" setting currently. The first time we take them to the beach they'll probably fall asleep the minute we open the car door :)
These days, I prefer quiet for sleeping. If I hear weird sounds coming from the kitchen, it probably means the cockroaches are having a dance party...!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 23
I wonder what noises my kids will find soothing. We got them a sound machine to (allegedly) help them sleep better. I'm using the "ocean" setting currently. The first time we take them to the beach they'll probably fall asleep the minute we open the car door :)
These days, I prefer quiet for sleeping. If I hear weird sounds coming from the kitchen, it probably means the cockroaches are having a dance party...!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 23
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Confession Is Good for the Soul
I've spent the better part of the last decade attending Presbyterian churches. One of their main liturgical elements in the public confession of sin (usually through a prayer that everyone reads together) and the assurance of pardon. I miss this aspect of worship at our current church. So instead, I shall confess my sins to the internet.
Today, I confess that I have judged parents rather harshly over the years. I wondered, "Why aren't they ever on time? Why are they always flaking out on plans? Why is that baby crying? Why is that toddler throwing a tantrum?" I also confess that I've thought parents were boring. They become obsessed with talking about their kids and the minutiae of child rearing, and I found it difficult to relate except by telling stories about my little brother.
I should have realized that some day I'd eat my words, just like I did about never owning a mini van...
I get it now. Parents talk about their kids because, to them, their children are very interesting! For heaven's sake, DF and I were swapping baby fart stories with another set of new parents after Sunday school this morning without a hint of irony!
Parents aren't on time because kids don't follow your schedule. I think sometimes they conspire to disrupt it, actually. We were patting ourselves on the back last week for getting to church on time, but then I remembered that we hadn't even attempted to go for the previous three weeks because the babies' eating schedules weren't syncing up with when we'd need to leave. And going to church is literally the only time we attempt to take them anywhere that is not a doctor's appointment.
Parents "flake out" on plans because, usually, the kids take priority over whatever else was scheduled. It's not because parents suddenly decided all other adults are lame and they're just going to sit at home and stare at the baby. Rather, it might be a sanity-preserving tactic not to keep the baby up past his bedtime, or they couldn't find a babysitter, or they are just too freaking exhausted to put on something other than sweat pants and haul themselves out the door.
As for toddlers and their tantrums, I have no first-hand experience yet but I figured I should just preemptively apologize for any past judgments there. I've already seen my infants have total meltdowns for no apparent reason. Toddlerhood is sure to be a wild ride.
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 22
Saturday, November 21, 2015
No, Daddy's Not "Babysitting"
When I'm out and about without the babies and run into someone I know, if it's a woman of a certain age, she will likely say something to the effect of, "Is Daddy babysitting today?" I assume it's said slightly tongue-in-cheek, because if pressed, surely these ladies would agree that a father caring for his children is fairly normal and not akin to a teenager watching them while eating all our leftover Halloween candy. But it just really rubs me the wrong way. The first time someone asked me that, I probably scowled at her involuntarily. Oops, it's not polite to scowl at your elders, especially in the South! Since then I've come up with some canned responses, such as "He's at home with the boys. He does really well with them. He's a great dad."
I mean, if the situation were reversed, and DF went somewhere without the babies, do a flock of ladies ask him, "Oh, is Mommy babysitting today?" Uh, no, I don't think that happens. He goes to work every day and I'm pretty sure his male co-workers aren't like, "Are the babies at home with Mommy? Oh, let me tell you this funny story of when I left my kids home alone with their mom!"
Perhaps we are just of a different generation. It doesn't seem strange to me at all to leave the babies with Daddy so I can go get things done. We've been in this parenting thing together from the beginning, after all. He was right there with me in the NICU learning how to change little preemie diapers. In fact, he changed a diaper before I did! He was able to take a lot of time off to be home with the boys once they were released from the hospital. Sure, during the week now, I'm the "lead parent" but he certainly knows how to take care of them, too.
I'm glad we're living in an era where childcare responsibilities aren't quite so gender-divided as they've been in the past, and I'm glad DF is such a good dad to our boys!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 21
Friday, November 20, 2015
Exchange Students: Memorable Moments
Today marks the end of International Education Week, so in light of that, I thought I'd share some of my favorite exchange student stories I collected over the years. One thing I miss about my job is that I don't get to hear these sorts of anecdotes anymore. What am I going to talk about at parties now??
When I dropped a student off at the airport to travel to his host state, I explained that his coordinator would pick him up at the airport and drive him to his host family's house. The student had seen a picture of his coordinator so knew she was a 70-something grandma type. He looked at me incredulously and said, "She drives a car??" Yes honey, in America, babushkas drive themselves around :)
I was at a mid-year gathering of exchange students and asked them what had surprised them about America so far. They replied, "how people burp in public!" Apparently in their home countries, it's very impolite to burp. One boy recounted how there was a cute girl at his host school, but then she burped loudly on the bus and it really grossed him out.
At a departure debriefing for our students, I overheard several of them discussing if Christians believe that Jesus is God or not. (Note for anyone who is not sure: yes, this is kind of the main point of Christianity, as in Jesus Christ.) I'm sure their host churches would be disappointed to know they didn't communicate this main theological point very clearly!
A student refused to eat the oatmeal his host mom made for breakfast, claiming that he knew she was hiding broccoli in there. Host mom told me it was blueberries. I'm inclined to believe her.
A natural mom (student's mom in the home country) was shocked and appalled to find out that the chore of "washing the dishes" included not only plates and silverware, but pots and pans as well! She wrote to ask that her child be exempt from the more onerous latter half of the chore, but that didn't really fly with the host family...
A student insisted on changing host families because her American family wore their shoes indoors, something that she never did in her home country. She asked them to take off their shoes, but they said they preferred to keep them on. Culture shock, anyone?
I showed up at a host school to visit a student who I'd heard was having a rough time adjusting to his small-town, rural Western U.S. placement. As I waited for him in front of the school, I saw the other students walking around in jeans, t-shirts, tennis shoes, and sporting a fair bit of camo. Then the student came strolling out wearing a button-up patterned shirt, fitted red corduroy slacks, snakeskin shoes, and knock-off Gucci glasses. Uh huh, yes, I imagine you are having hard time fitting in!
I was driving a student home from an event when we passed through a cloud of skunk spray. When I told her what it was, she was super excited because she'd never smelled a skunk before.
When I asked an 18 year old boy what was his favorite memory so far, he said he loved riding the big yellow school bus, just like they do in the movies! I don't know many 18-year-old American boys who would say that :)
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 20
When I dropped a student off at the airport to travel to his host state, I explained that his coordinator would pick him up at the airport and drive him to his host family's house. The student had seen a picture of his coordinator so knew she was a 70-something grandma type. He looked at me incredulously and said, "She drives a car??" Yes honey, in America, babushkas drive themselves around :)
I was at a mid-year gathering of exchange students and asked them what had surprised them about America so far. They replied, "how people burp in public!" Apparently in their home countries, it's very impolite to burp. One boy recounted how there was a cute girl at his host school, but then she burped loudly on the bus and it really grossed him out.
At a departure debriefing for our students, I overheard several of them discussing if Christians believe that Jesus is God or not. (Note for anyone who is not sure: yes, this is kind of the main point of Christianity, as in Jesus Christ.) I'm sure their host churches would be disappointed to know they didn't communicate this main theological point very clearly!
A student refused to eat the oatmeal his host mom made for breakfast, claiming that he knew she was hiding broccoli in there. Host mom told me it was blueberries. I'm inclined to believe her.
A natural mom (student's mom in the home country) was shocked and appalled to find out that the chore of "washing the dishes" included not only plates and silverware, but pots and pans as well! She wrote to ask that her child be exempt from the more onerous latter half of the chore, but that didn't really fly with the host family...
A student insisted on changing host families because her American family wore their shoes indoors, something that she never did in her home country. She asked them to take off their shoes, but they said they preferred to keep them on. Culture shock, anyone?
I showed up at a host school to visit a student who I'd heard was having a rough time adjusting to his small-town, rural Western U.S. placement. As I waited for him in front of the school, I saw the other students walking around in jeans, t-shirts, tennis shoes, and sporting a fair bit of camo. Then the student came strolling out wearing a button-up patterned shirt, fitted red corduroy slacks, snakeskin shoes, and knock-off Gucci glasses. Uh huh, yes, I imagine you are having hard time fitting in!
I was driving a student home from an event when we passed through a cloud of skunk spray. When I told her what it was, she was super excited because she'd never smelled a skunk before.
When I asked an 18 year old boy what was his favorite memory so far, he said he loved riding the big yellow school bus, just like they do in the movies! I don't know many 18-year-old American boys who would say that :)
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 20
Thursday, November 19, 2015
5 Month Mark
Today is the boys' 5 month birthday! My, how far they've come from the tiny little guys who were whisked away to the NICU right after being born. Their adjusted age is 3 months, based on their due date rather than birth date.
Some of their newest skills are grabbing and shaking a toy, bringing the toy to their mouth, trying to shove their entire hand in their mouth to chew on, cooing/talking (well, they don't really say "coo" - it's more like "gaah! laa! ooo!"), and holding up their heads without flopping around.
They have stopped sleeping so much during the day which is leaving me at a bit of a loss of what to do with them, since they don't entertain themselves too well yet (besides the hand chewing). They do still doze off for at least a little bit after each feeding but I have a feeling that pattern will soon be coming to an end. So far, they are pretty good sleepers at night. In fact last night, they slept for about 9 hours. Whoa! I wonder if that was just a fluke, or if their brains were like, "oh, I see we are now approaching the 3 month adjusted age mark, so it's time to start sleeping longer"...?
I don't think they quite understand yet that there are 2 of them. Sometimes I'll hold one up to look at the other one and they will kind of smile or make noises at each other. But then I'll lay them on the play mat and they sort of punch/kick each other without seeming to realize that's another baby over there, not just some random lump getting in the way of their flailing.
DF and I are still pretty tired all the time, but it's not the bone-rattling exhaustion of early newbornhood. We're starting to get our sea legs about us with parenting. I do start to panic if I think about how much responsibility we've undertaken, so I just try to take it one day at a time and not stress out right now about where they should go to kindergarten.
These last 5 months have been a whirlwind, and I suspect it will only get crazier as time goes on!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 19
Some of their newest skills are grabbing and shaking a toy, bringing the toy to their mouth, trying to shove their entire hand in their mouth to chew on, cooing/talking (well, they don't really say "coo" - it's more like "gaah! laa! ooo!"), and holding up their heads without flopping around.
They have stopped sleeping so much during the day which is leaving me at a bit of a loss of what to do with them, since they don't entertain themselves too well yet (besides the hand chewing). They do still doze off for at least a little bit after each feeding but I have a feeling that pattern will soon be coming to an end. So far, they are pretty good sleepers at night. In fact last night, they slept for about 9 hours. Whoa! I wonder if that was just a fluke, or if their brains were like, "oh, I see we are now approaching the 3 month adjusted age mark, so it's time to start sleeping longer"...?
I don't think they quite understand yet that there are 2 of them. Sometimes I'll hold one up to look at the other one and they will kind of smile or make noises at each other. But then I'll lay them on the play mat and they sort of punch/kick each other without seeming to realize that's another baby over there, not just some random lump getting in the way of their flailing.
DF and I are still pretty tired all the time, but it's not the bone-rattling exhaustion of early newbornhood. We're starting to get our sea legs about us with parenting. I do start to panic if I think about how much responsibility we've undertaken, so I just try to take it one day at a time and not stress out right now about where they should go to kindergarten.
These last 5 months have been a whirlwind, and I suspect it will only get crazier as time goes on!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 19
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
How to Unload a Moving Truck
We didn't know anyone here when we decided to move to Memphis. Nary a soul! So I got creative when it came to unpacking the 16-foot truck that held all our earthly possessions. Here's how it worked (note: I've only tried this once, so I can't guarantee it always works in all situations...)
How to Unload a Moving Truck
1. Search online for moving companies in your new city. Realize there aren't many, they are rather expensive, and you don't know how to tell the good from the bad. Consider posting a "help wanted" ad on Craigslist. Decide against it when you remember that creepy Craigslist killer.
2. As a Christian, you think that church people are probably trustworthy. Use Google Maps to find churches near your new apartment. Check out their websites. Find one (or more) that seems like a good-sized church with a lot of "outreach" ministries.
3. Cold call the church. Explain your situation and ask if they have any members who might be looking for odd jobs that you could hire to help you unload the truck.
4. Get transferred to the college pastor. Be told that, of course, they'd love to help you for no charge, just to share God's love. He'll assemble a team and be ready to go.
5. Roll into town late on a Thursday night. Friday morning, greet a dozen strangers as they merrily unpack your belongings seemingly unfazed by the 90% humidity level outside.
6. Offer sincere thanks to your helpers, then realize that's all you have to give them as you don't even know where your cups are to give them a glass of water.
7. When the helpers go out to get pizza afterwards, they invite you to come along, then insist on buying your pizza as a gesture of "southern hospitality." You are amazed at this alternate dimension you have entered, as nothing like this would've ever happened in Seattle!
And yes, in case you're wondering, this is the same church we wound up attending. We decided if the members were that nice to total strangers, we must have found a good place to belong!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 18
How to Unload a Moving Truck
1. Search online for moving companies in your new city. Realize there aren't many, they are rather expensive, and you don't know how to tell the good from the bad. Consider posting a "help wanted" ad on Craigslist. Decide against it when you remember that creepy Craigslist killer.
2. As a Christian, you think that church people are probably trustworthy. Use Google Maps to find churches near your new apartment. Check out their websites. Find one (or more) that seems like a good-sized church with a lot of "outreach" ministries.
3. Cold call the church. Explain your situation and ask if they have any members who might be looking for odd jobs that you could hire to help you unload the truck.
4. Get transferred to the college pastor. Be told that, of course, they'd love to help you for no charge, just to share God's love. He'll assemble a team and be ready to go.
5. Roll into town late on a Thursday night. Friday morning, greet a dozen strangers as they merrily unpack your belongings seemingly unfazed by the 90% humidity level outside.
6. Offer sincere thanks to your helpers, then realize that's all you have to give them as you don't even know where your cups are to give them a glass of water.
7. When the helpers go out to get pizza afterwards, they invite you to come along, then insist on buying your pizza as a gesture of "southern hospitality." You are amazed at this alternate dimension you have entered, as nothing like this would've ever happened in Seattle!
And yes, in case you're wondering, this is the same church we wound up attending. We decided if the members were that nice to total strangers, we must have found a good place to belong!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 18
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
What I Like About Memphis
Now that I've lived in Memphis over 2 years, I'll share with you some things I've come to appreciate about this city.
The food
Oh, the food! Southern cuisine has a delicious reputation for a reason, y'all. So much fried goodness! And even some non-fried options. Among my favorite restaurants are Gus's World Famous Fried Chicken, Casablanca (Mediterranean/Middle Eastern), and One & Only BBQ. Since moving here, I've also discovered banana pudding, fried okra, and boiled greens, and they are all wonderful! I'm often glad that I'm not a vegetarian because so many items here are made with pork (ham), including veggie side dishes.
Fall
I can't say I like the weather year-round in Memphis (summers get a bit oppressive), but fall is pretty much the perfect season. The days are pleasant and sometimes crisp, the leaves change slowly and artistically, and most of the time, the sun shines brightly. There are lots of festivals and outdoor events in September/October, plus football games galore.
Southern Culture
I've really enjoyed living in a new culture within the United States. Before I moved to the South, I didn't know that many southerners and the ones I did know I mostly met in DC nearly a decade ago. Now that we've lived here for awhile I feel like I understand the South a lot better. I'm not saying I understand all of it or the centuries of history that exist here, but I've figured out how to leave a gathering, that I shouldn't try to rely on public transportation, and the many uses of y'all. I like how people are so friendly here. It's not strange to make small talk with random passers-by; in fact, it's kind of expected.
Music
We haven't gotten out to many live shows in Memphis, but the music we have caught has been great. I also love the musical heritage of this city with BB King, Johnny Cash, and all the other legends who've made a name for themselves here. We've got tons of museums to document this part of history.
Positive Attitudes
This one certainly is not universal across the region, but I like the people who have a can-do, pro-Memphis attitude. Sure, the city has its issues, but it's not without hope and bright spots. Some of my favorites are the I Love Memphis blog and Choose 901. Once I emerge from the fog of newborn-hood, I hope to get back into volunteering and do my part to help improve the city, too.
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 17
The food
Oh, the food! Southern cuisine has a delicious reputation for a reason, y'all. So much fried goodness! And even some non-fried options. Among my favorite restaurants are Gus's World Famous Fried Chicken, Casablanca (Mediterranean/Middle Eastern), and One & Only BBQ. Since moving here, I've also discovered banana pudding, fried okra, and boiled greens, and they are all wonderful! I'm often glad that I'm not a vegetarian because so many items here are made with pork (ham), including veggie side dishes.
Fall
I can't say I like the weather year-round in Memphis (summers get a bit oppressive), but fall is pretty much the perfect season. The days are pleasant and sometimes crisp, the leaves change slowly and artistically, and most of the time, the sun shines brightly. There are lots of festivals and outdoor events in September/October, plus football games galore.
Southern Culture
I've really enjoyed living in a new culture within the United States. Before I moved to the South, I didn't know that many southerners and the ones I did know I mostly met in DC nearly a decade ago. Now that we've lived here for awhile I feel like I understand the South a lot better. I'm not saying I understand all of it or the centuries of history that exist here, but I've figured out how to leave a gathering, that I shouldn't try to rely on public transportation, and the many uses of y'all. I like how people are so friendly here. It's not strange to make small talk with random passers-by; in fact, it's kind of expected.
Music
We haven't gotten out to many live shows in Memphis, but the music we have caught has been great. I also love the musical heritage of this city with BB King, Johnny Cash, and all the other legends who've made a name for themselves here. We've got tons of museums to document this part of history.
Positive Attitudes
This one certainly is not universal across the region, but I like the people who have a can-do, pro-Memphis attitude. Sure, the city has its issues, but it's not without hope and bright spots. Some of my favorites are the I Love Memphis blog and Choose 901. Once I emerge from the fog of newborn-hood, I hope to get back into volunteering and do my part to help improve the city, too.
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 17
Monday, November 16, 2015
Infants' Thanksgiving Prayer
for God our Father, who art in heaven
the creator and sustainer of lie
who ordained that we should be two, not one
and knit us together in our mother's womb
for all these things, we give thanks to God
for a mommy who loves us
a daddy who loves us
grandparents and great-grandparents
aunts, uncles, and too many cousins to count
friends near and far
all of whom love us more than we know
for all these things, we give thanks to God
for doctors and nurses who cared for us in our earliest days
the medical technology that allowed us to thrive
and Zantac now to help with our reflux
for all these things, we give thanks to God
for cozy beds
a swing that swings and a bouncer that bounces
a double stroller for exploring the world
for all these things, we give thanks to God
for good food to eat
and eat again
is it time to eat yet? we're hungry hungry hippos
for all these things, we give thanks to God
for rattles to play with
hands to chew on
and newly-discovered voices that coo
for all these things, we give thanks to God
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 16
the creator and sustainer of lie
who ordained that we should be two, not one
and knit us together in our mother's womb
for all these things, we give thanks to God
for a mommy who loves us
a daddy who loves us
grandparents and great-grandparents
aunts, uncles, and too many cousins to count
friends near and far
all of whom love us more than we know
for all these things, we give thanks to God
for doctors and nurses who cared for us in our earliest days
the medical technology that allowed us to thrive
and Zantac now to help with our reflux
for all these things, we give thanks to God
for cozy beds
a swing that swings and a bouncer that bounces
a double stroller for exploring the world
for all these things, we give thanks to God
for good food to eat
and eat again
is it time to eat yet? we're hungry hungry hippos
for all these things, we give thanks to God
for rattles to play with
hands to chew on
and newly-discovered voices that coo
for all these things, we give thanks to God
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 16
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Marriage Advice
No one's ever really asked us for marriage advice, but that won't stop me from dispensing some anyway :) Here are a few tips I think make for a happy marriage.
Find common interests so you can do things together
For us it's been choir and board games. Choir has given us a vast repertoire of songs from which to create new baby-related versions, such as "This little burp," and "Why won't you sleep?" Board games were more of DF's thing before we got married, but he's converted me into a gamer over the years. We (used to) go to a board game meetup group with a bunch of people, so that was good because he could play his more hardcore strategy games while I played something a little more social.
Work out systems to avoid having the same problem over and over
I have a semi-reliable sense of direction; his is much better. We were getting frustrated when driving because I'm not the best navigator. So, we came up with the solution that when we're going somewhere new, I drive and he navigates. It works much better! Also, we instituted a "no commenting" rule about the other person's driving unless you legitimately think a wreck or ticket is imminent. This is good because then if the other person does comment, you can say, "Were we going to get in a wreck?" If the answer is no, then they know they probably should've kept their mouth shut.
Sleep is a love language
People are all into that Love Languages book. That's fine, and yes, you should try to speak your partner's language. But what that author missed was a 6th love language for new parents: sleep. If my spouse says, "Why don't you take a nap?" or gets up at 3AM to see why a baby is squawking, to me that is so much more meaningful and loving right now than a dozen roses. Sure, maybe it's like an act of service, but I think it's beyond that because he's also sacrificing sleep so that I can snooze. It means a lot :)
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 15
Find common interests so you can do things together
For us it's been choir and board games. Choir has given us a vast repertoire of songs from which to create new baby-related versions, such as "This little burp," and "Why won't you sleep?" Board games were more of DF's thing before we got married, but he's converted me into a gamer over the years. We (used to) go to a board game meetup group with a bunch of people, so that was good because he could play his more hardcore strategy games while I played something a little more social.
Work out systems to avoid having the same problem over and over
I have a semi-reliable sense of direction; his is much better. We were getting frustrated when driving because I'm not the best navigator. So, we came up with the solution that when we're going somewhere new, I drive and he navigates. It works much better! Also, we instituted a "no commenting" rule about the other person's driving unless you legitimately think a wreck or ticket is imminent. This is good because then if the other person does comment, you can say, "Were we going to get in a wreck?" If the answer is no, then they know they probably should've kept their mouth shut.
Sleep is a love language
People are all into that Love Languages book. That's fine, and yes, you should try to speak your partner's language. But what that author missed was a 6th love language for new parents: sleep. If my spouse says, "Why don't you take a nap?" or gets up at 3AM to see why a baby is squawking, to me that is so much more meaningful and loving right now than a dozen roses. Sure, maybe it's like an act of service, but I think it's beyond that because he's also sacrificing sleep so that I can snooze. It means a lot :)
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 15
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Writers I Admire
Although I don't necessarily seek to emulate these authors, I certainly enjoy reading their work, and perhaps in so doing I've been influenced along the way.
Anna Quindlen used to write a bi-monthly column at the end of Newsweek. (If memory serves, I bought a subscription to that publication in high school to support my brother's school fundraiser, and I chose it because I thought it was what smart people read.) I liked the way Ms. Quindlen wove motherhood and her Catholic faith into much of what she wrote about current events. Thanks to reading her column, I expanded my vocabulary to include words like miasma and insouciant!
Chaim Potok first came across my radar in college when I was assigned to read The Chosen. That's a good book, but my favorite of his works is My Name is Asher Lev. Seriously, the end of that book is amazing. I know people say this all the time, but I literally could not put it down! I like Mr. Potok's books because they transport the reader to a different time and place. You feel like you're experiencing a different culture up close and personal.
Jhumpa Lahiri's collection of short stories, The Interpreter of Maladies, is another remarkable work that I heartily recommend. I don't know how she's able to craft such memorable characters and scenes in just a few short pages, but I wish I could do that!
Emily Yoffe, better known as Dear Prudence to Slate.com fans, makes the list because she's witty and smart. I was bummed to hear she's departing Slate for the Atlantic and will no longer be dispensing advice to the world. That she often starts sentences with "that" is something I admire, just because it makes for interesting reading :)
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 14
Anna Quindlen used to write a bi-monthly column at the end of Newsweek. (If memory serves, I bought a subscription to that publication in high school to support my brother's school fundraiser, and I chose it because I thought it was what smart people read.) I liked the way Ms. Quindlen wove motherhood and her Catholic faith into much of what she wrote about current events. Thanks to reading her column, I expanded my vocabulary to include words like miasma and insouciant!
Chaim Potok first came across my radar in college when I was assigned to read The Chosen. That's a good book, but my favorite of his works is My Name is Asher Lev. Seriously, the end of that book is amazing. I know people say this all the time, but I literally could not put it down! I like Mr. Potok's books because they transport the reader to a different time and place. You feel like you're experiencing a different culture up close and personal.
Jhumpa Lahiri's collection of short stories, The Interpreter of Maladies, is another remarkable work that I heartily recommend. I don't know how she's able to craft such memorable characters and scenes in just a few short pages, but I wish I could do that!
Emily Yoffe, better known as Dear Prudence to Slate.com fans, makes the list because she's witty and smart. I was bummed to hear she's departing Slate for the Atlantic and will no longer be dispensing advice to the world. That she often starts sentences with "that" is something I admire, just because it makes for interesting reading :)
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 14
Friday, November 13, 2015
Back in the Glory Days
My family likes to talk about, "back in the glory days," but you have to imagine it being said in an old-man voice, like, "baaack in the GLORY days, when I was a young whipper snapper..." It started because my dad, a middle school track coach, kept bringing up stories of particularly amazing athletes he'd coached back in the day.
If I had to define a period as my glory days, I'd peg the years immediately following college as among the most memorable. I was working in customer service for a small start-up "hippie" coffee company in Seattle. One of the perks of the job was drinking as much coffee as I wanted all day long. Sometimes we had new product sample time in the afternoon, which meant I spent the night overly caffeinated and staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep.
More that just the buzz of beans, though, was the rush I got from feeling like I was doing something that mattered. Our products were Fair Trade, Organic, and Shade Grown, so I felt like I wasn't exploiting anyone. The company was set up in a sort of Newman's Own model whereby profits were generated to fund programs for at-risk children in coffee-growing countries. When I got out of bed in the morning, I was firmly convinced of the rightness of our cause and motivated to do my best at work. (As an aside, the business model didn't actually work all that great, in part, because the specialty coffee industry is a highly competitive marketplace, but I didn't really understand that at the time.)
Our office was in a warehouse in Seattle's SoDo neighborhood, literally one block away from Starbucks headquarters. (I called them the "evil empire" yet often walked across the street to enjoy lunch in their cafeteria without a hint of irony.) We built cubicles for ourselves out of old wooden pallets covered with brightly painted corrugated tin. Our building was quite close to the railroad tracks, so our cube walls rattled noisily whenever a train rolled by. Burlap coffee sacks also served a major role in our decor, as did pennants of all the colleges who signed up as customers.
As a young idealist, I found our staff meetings particularly inspiring. They were a great blend of humor and motivation, the latter being doled out by the company's president who really had a vision for what we were trying to do. I was the youngest employee and perhaps particularly predisposed to be fired up, since I'd just returned from studying abroad in Central America the semester before I started working there.
Outside of work hours, most of the employees enjoyed socializing together as well, hitting up local happy hours frequently. My coworkers introduced me to the culinary delights of Salty's and Ray's, and the joy of drinking good beer and wine in general. In the summer, our boss took us all to his cabin up on an island in the Puget Sound for a weekend-long retreat that can best be described as awesome.
The nice thing about glory days is that you mainly remember the good times. Sure, if I try, I can think of a couple negatives from that time period, but by and large I have rosy memories. I'm glad I enjoyed myself then since I didn't really know I was living in my glory days until after they were over.
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 13
If I had to define a period as my glory days, I'd peg the years immediately following college as among the most memorable. I was working in customer service for a small start-up "hippie" coffee company in Seattle. One of the perks of the job was drinking as much coffee as I wanted all day long. Sometimes we had new product sample time in the afternoon, which meant I spent the night overly caffeinated and staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep.
More that just the buzz of beans, though, was the rush I got from feeling like I was doing something that mattered. Our products were Fair Trade, Organic, and Shade Grown, so I felt like I wasn't exploiting anyone. The company was set up in a sort of Newman's Own model whereby profits were generated to fund programs for at-risk children in coffee-growing countries. When I got out of bed in the morning, I was firmly convinced of the rightness of our cause and motivated to do my best at work. (As an aside, the business model didn't actually work all that great, in part, because the specialty coffee industry is a highly competitive marketplace, but I didn't really understand that at the time.)
Our office was in a warehouse in Seattle's SoDo neighborhood, literally one block away from Starbucks headquarters. (I called them the "evil empire" yet often walked across the street to enjoy lunch in their cafeteria without a hint of irony.) We built cubicles for ourselves out of old wooden pallets covered with brightly painted corrugated tin. Our building was quite close to the railroad tracks, so our cube walls rattled noisily whenever a train rolled by. Burlap coffee sacks also served a major role in our decor, as did pennants of all the colleges who signed up as customers.
As a young idealist, I found our staff meetings particularly inspiring. They were a great blend of humor and motivation, the latter being doled out by the company's president who really had a vision for what we were trying to do. I was the youngest employee and perhaps particularly predisposed to be fired up, since I'd just returned from studying abroad in Central America the semester before I started working there.
Outside of work hours, most of the employees enjoyed socializing together as well, hitting up local happy hours frequently. My coworkers introduced me to the culinary delights of Salty's and Ray's, and the joy of drinking good beer and wine in general. In the summer, our boss took us all to his cabin up on an island in the Puget Sound for a weekend-long retreat that can best be described as awesome.
The nice thing about glory days is that you mainly remember the good times. Sure, if I try, I can think of a couple negatives from that time period, but by and large I have rosy memories. I'm glad I enjoyed myself then since I didn't really know I was living in my glory days until after they were over.
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 13
Thursday, November 12, 2015
An Ode to College Writing Class
Today, I'd like to tell you about a person who helped me become a better writer, my College Writing teacher, Ms. C.
When I was a high school senior, my school offered either AP English or College Writing for college-bound students. (I believe there was also a class called Senior English, but it was for slackers.) I chose College Writing mainly because I didn't really care to read and analyze a bunch of long, confusing books. This turned out to be my favorite class I took in high school in no small part due to the great teacher, Ms. C. Her love of the written word was obvious, and she passed this passion on to us - or at least to those students like me who were eager little sponges.
We did daily writing journal exercises in that class. She would give us a prompt, and then we'd spend 10-15 minutes writing about it. Once a week or so, we'd trade journals with another student and provide each other feedback. It was great! This was before the days of blogs, so I really didn't have much of an audience for my entertaining prose otherwise :)
I remember that after we turned in our first essays, Ms. C selected a few of the best ones to read aloud to the class. Mine was one of those she picked! I was so proud and felt like a legitimate writer. In fact, I still recall the topic, "The Time I Tried Out for Teen Jeopardy." (Spoiler alert: I didn't make the cut, but at least I got a good story out of it.)
Before taking this class, no one had ever specifically taught me how to write before. By focusing on writing as a discipline and art form in and of itself, it's like a light bulb went on in my head. I realized writing isn't just about using proper grammar, punctuation, and paragraph structure. It's about saying exactly what you want to say in the style that is most appropriate to communicate your message.
A few of the things I remember learning, to be a good writer:
When I was a high school senior, my school offered either AP English or College Writing for college-bound students. (I believe there was also a class called Senior English, but it was for slackers.) I chose College Writing mainly because I didn't really care to read and analyze a bunch of long, confusing books. This turned out to be my favorite class I took in high school in no small part due to the great teacher, Ms. C. Her love of the written word was obvious, and she passed this passion on to us - or at least to those students like me who were eager little sponges.
We did daily writing journal exercises in that class. She would give us a prompt, and then we'd spend 10-15 minutes writing about it. Once a week or so, we'd trade journals with another student and provide each other feedback. It was great! This was before the days of blogs, so I really didn't have much of an audience for my entertaining prose otherwise :)
I remember that after we turned in our first essays, Ms. C selected a few of the best ones to read aloud to the class. Mine was one of those she picked! I was so proud and felt like a legitimate writer. In fact, I still recall the topic, "The Time I Tried Out for Teen Jeopardy." (Spoiler alert: I didn't make the cut, but at least I got a good story out of it.)
Before taking this class, no one had ever specifically taught me how to write before. By focusing on writing as a discipline and art form in and of itself, it's like a light bulb went on in my head. I realized writing isn't just about using proper grammar, punctuation, and paragraph structure. It's about saying exactly what you want to say in the style that is most appropriate to communicate your message.
A few of the things I remember learning, to be a good writer:
- Vary the beginnings of your sentences, so the reader doesn't get bored (as in, don't always start with "I" or whatever)
- Edit ruthlessly
- Don't use big words just for the sake of using them; chose the word that best conveys what you mean
- Tie it all together. For example, in a research paper, you want a solid introduction and conclusion that clearly state your thesis. In a more creative format, you'll still want to keep a unifying theme running through the piece.
Posting on my blog now feels like a writing journal that the world can read. I hope you enjoy it!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 12
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Veterans Day
Happy Veterans Day to all my readers who are veterans!
Being married to a Army veteran, I've learned a few things I probably wouldn't have known otherwise.
Being married to a Army veteran, I've learned a few things I probably wouldn't have known otherwise.
- Veterans get lots of free stuff on Veterans Day. DF and his brother (also a vet) have a tradition of making the day a veritable smorgasbord!
- The branches of the military each have their own theme song.
- Each branch has stereotypes about the others and believes their branch to be the best. (DF pointed out that the Army is the only one that's right, though :) )
- There are all sorts of different jobs in the Army. I kind of imagined Army life as a bunch of soldiers running around in the mud all the time, practicing shooting. Sure, that kind of training happens, but DF mainly had a desk job as a paralegal.
- You can learn a lot of important skills in the military such as teamwork, leadership, and commitment to a cause larger than yourself
I asked DF what else I need to know about military service. He said that soldiers give up their freedom to protect the freedom of others. Great point! So today, be sure to thank a veteran for protecting your freedom.
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 11
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 11
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Guardianship and Fear of Fish
The other day, I was thinking that DF and I should probably figure out who will be the guardians of our boys if we were both to die unexpectedly. That's a depressing topic that I'd rather avoid, though, so instead I'll tell you a story from my own childhood!
I don't recall the details exactly, but when I was mid-elementary school-ish, my parents announced that, in the event of their unlikely demise, my sister and I would go live with some family friends who lived a couple hours away on the Oregon coast.
This news filled me with anxiety for a disproportionate amount of time. When I would think about this plan, I'd start to get unhappy. Why? Not because I'd be an orphan. Not because I'd have to leave all my friends are attend a new school. No, my worries were based on that basic necessity of life: eating.
See, I knew that the dad in this other family liked fishing. In fact, once when we were visiting them, they said something about having a freezer full of fish in the garage. At that time, I was a very picky eater and hated all forms of seafood. So the idea that I'd have to live with a family of fish-eaters really grossed me out. They were otherwise perfectly lovely people, but I just couldn't stomach the idea of dining on the contents of their freezer.
Fortunately for me, my parents did not die, so the guardianship plan never had to be activated. And I'm happy to report that as I grew up, I became a lot less picky about food. Now I like all kinds of seafood. I mean, why do you think I call myself Salmonista? My eight-year-old self would be shocked and disgusted to hear that my 30-year-old self discovered she liked mussels, which sparked a lengthy period of mussels obsession at happy hours.
Now that we're living so far inland, though, I'm rather wary of most seafood. I'll still eat shrimp or other things that were probably frozen. But no way am I eating any (Atlantic, barf-o) salmon here if I can help it. That's a treat reserved for when I visit the Northwest and can get the real wild stuff!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 10
I don't recall the details exactly, but when I was mid-elementary school-ish, my parents announced that, in the event of their unlikely demise, my sister and I would go live with some family friends who lived a couple hours away on the Oregon coast.
This news filled me with anxiety for a disproportionate amount of time. When I would think about this plan, I'd start to get unhappy. Why? Not because I'd be an orphan. Not because I'd have to leave all my friends are attend a new school. No, my worries were based on that basic necessity of life: eating.
See, I knew that the dad in this other family liked fishing. In fact, once when we were visiting them, they said something about having a freezer full of fish in the garage. At that time, I was a very picky eater and hated all forms of seafood. So the idea that I'd have to live with a family of fish-eaters really grossed me out. They were otherwise perfectly lovely people, but I just couldn't stomach the idea of dining on the contents of their freezer.
Fortunately for me, my parents did not die, so the guardianship plan never had to be activated. And I'm happy to report that as I grew up, I became a lot less picky about food. Now I like all kinds of seafood. I mean, why do you think I call myself Salmonista? My eight-year-old self would be shocked and disgusted to hear that my 30-year-old self discovered she liked mussels, which sparked a lengthy period of mussels obsession at happy hours.
Now that we're living so far inland, though, I'm rather wary of most seafood. I'll still eat shrimp or other things that were probably frozen. But no way am I eating any (Atlantic, barf-o) salmon here if I can help it. That's a treat reserved for when I visit the Northwest and can get the real wild stuff!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 10
Monday, November 9, 2015
3 Great Reasons to Host an Exchange Student
Thousands of foreign young people come to this country each year as exchange students. Whether they stay a few weeks or several months, the interactions they have with Americans form rich memories that will last a lifetime. Have you ever considered opening your home to host an international visitor? Here are three reasons why I think you should.
1. Have fun
Welcoming a new person into your family creates all sorts of opportunities for fun and enjoyment through living life together. Imagine the sparkle in your student's eye as she builds her first snowman (and probably sings the Frozen soundtrack along with your kids). Or, you can explain to your student who's never had a hamburger before what they are and why we put "grass" on them (shredded lettuce).
Have you been meaning to check out that new museum, park, or sports team in town but just haven't made it yet? With a foreign student in your home, you'll have the perfect excuse to play tourist in your own city.
2. Learn something new
Let's face it - we can't all pick up and leave our jobs and homes behind for an extended period of time to traipse around a foreign country and immerse ourselves in another culture. But, by living with an international student, you're bringing the world to your home. Hosting is a great way to "travel" without ever stepping on an airplane!
You can learn all sorts of things from your foreign student. For example, did you know that in countries around the Caspian Sea, they celebrate the first day of Spring with the holiday Nowruz? It's a lovely celebration that involves a table set with the 7 S's (items beginning with the letter S in the Persian language). Or perhaps you already know that Japanese people eat with chopsticks, but wouldn't you like to learn proper chopstick etiquette?
Beyond learning about another language and culture, your student and your family can also develop important life skills through the hosting experience. You'll learn new ways to communicate, how to be flexible and adaptable, and how to see the world through someone else's eyes (empathy).
3. Be patriotic
That's right, average citizen, even you have a role to play in America's foreign relations. By forming enduring ties with people from other countries, you are participating in the important work of public diplomacy, which is the realm of international affairs that happens on an interpersonal rather than inter-governmental level. If you've shared pancakes with someone on a cozy Saturday morning, the theory goes, you're less likely to want to go to war with that person's country. I mean, in a nutshell. Public diplomacy is more that pancakes, but you get the idea. Plus, who knows, that kid you're making pancakes for might become a member of parliament in his country some day!
You can also share with the student you host all the great things about our country, like our spirit of volunteerism, the power of civil society, and the effectiveness of grass-roots efforts to make a difference. These might seem like obvious concepts to you, but in some parts of the world, these ideas are pretty novel.
Are you pumped up and ready to host??
Great! Just so you know, most organizations have hosting opportunities for all types of families - single people, married, with kids, no kids, urban, suburban, rural, etc.
Who knows, maybe you'll wind up with a cute magnet like this as a present from your visitor! :)
1. Have fun
Welcoming a new person into your family creates all sorts of opportunities for fun and enjoyment through living life together. Imagine the sparkle in your student's eye as she builds her first snowman (and probably sings the Frozen soundtrack along with your kids). Or, you can explain to your student who's never had a hamburger before what they are and why we put "grass" on them (shredded lettuce).
Have you been meaning to check out that new museum, park, or sports team in town but just haven't made it yet? With a foreign student in your home, you'll have the perfect excuse to play tourist in your own city.
2. Learn something new
Let's face it - we can't all pick up and leave our jobs and homes behind for an extended period of time to traipse around a foreign country and immerse ourselves in another culture. But, by living with an international student, you're bringing the world to your home. Hosting is a great way to "travel" without ever stepping on an airplane!
You can learn all sorts of things from your foreign student. For example, did you know that in countries around the Caspian Sea, they celebrate the first day of Spring with the holiday Nowruz? It's a lovely celebration that involves a table set with the 7 S's (items beginning with the letter S in the Persian language). Or perhaps you already know that Japanese people eat with chopsticks, but wouldn't you like to learn proper chopstick etiquette?
Beyond learning about another language and culture, your student and your family can also develop important life skills through the hosting experience. You'll learn new ways to communicate, how to be flexible and adaptable, and how to see the world through someone else's eyes (empathy).
3. Be patriotic
That's right, average citizen, even you have a role to play in America's foreign relations. By forming enduring ties with people from other countries, you are participating in the important work of public diplomacy, which is the realm of international affairs that happens on an interpersonal rather than inter-governmental level. If you've shared pancakes with someone on a cozy Saturday morning, the theory goes, you're less likely to want to go to war with that person's country. I mean, in a nutshell. Public diplomacy is more that pancakes, but you get the idea. Plus, who knows, that kid you're making pancakes for might become a member of parliament in his country some day!
You can also share with the student you host all the great things about our country, like our spirit of volunteerism, the power of civil society, and the effectiveness of grass-roots efforts to make a difference. These might seem like obvious concepts to you, but in some parts of the world, these ideas are pretty novel.
Are you pumped up and ready to host??
Great! Just so you know, most organizations have hosting opportunities for all types of families - single people, married, with kids, no kids, urban, suburban, rural, etc.
- CSIET - the accrediting body for youth exchange programs, they provide a search for all programs available in your area
- C2C - a program of the US State Department to connect host families to their amazingly awesome scholarship students from less popular exchange countries like Tanzania and the Republic of Georgia
- World Affairs Council - is hosting an adult more your speed? Check out the International Visitor Leadership Program with your local WAC.
Who knows, maybe you'll wind up with a cute magnet like this as a present from your visitor! :)
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Opting Out, For Awhile
Yesterday I pondered the lack of paid maternity leave in the US and why I quit my job to stay home with the kids. After I posted, I realized I had other reflections about taking some time off work. Since I'm almost out of time to post for Day 8, I figured "leftovers" were as good as anything else.
My prior job was Senior Program Manager for a non-profit working with international youth exchange. I'd been there for 6 years, including the last 2 years working from home after we moved to Memphis. When I was pregnant, I kind of wondered if I could keep working and maybe hire a nanny to come to the house and watch the kids. Now that the babies are actually here, I realize that idea was insane! There is no way that scenario would work because two babies are very distracting. If I had wanted to keep working, I would've needed to send the twins to daycare, or I would've had to find an office space somewhere outside the home.
Another major issue is sleep deprivation. I am so exhausted all of the time because I'm not getting much sleep. My job used to tire me out pre-kids, so I really don't know how other moms do it - how do you go back to work with a baby at home? Do you drink a ton of coffee?
In short, I'm content to be taking a break from the world of paid employment. But at the same time, I'm kind of concerned about how I'll eventually re-enter the working world. How will I know when the time is right? What kind of job would I be able to get with a big gap on my resume? I've heard that you're supposed to try and keep your marketable skills current so you are still employable once you want to return to work. My former job involved a lot of problem solving; I think motherhood will keep those skills sharp, at least!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 8
My prior job was Senior Program Manager for a non-profit working with international youth exchange. I'd been there for 6 years, including the last 2 years working from home after we moved to Memphis. When I was pregnant, I kind of wondered if I could keep working and maybe hire a nanny to come to the house and watch the kids. Now that the babies are actually here, I realize that idea was insane! There is no way that scenario would work because two babies are very distracting. If I had wanted to keep working, I would've needed to send the twins to daycare, or I would've had to find an office space somewhere outside the home.
Another major issue is sleep deprivation. I am so exhausted all of the time because I'm not getting much sleep. My job used to tire me out pre-kids, so I really don't know how other moms do it - how do you go back to work with a baby at home? Do you drink a ton of coffee?
In short, I'm content to be taking a break from the world of paid employment. But at the same time, I'm kind of concerned about how I'll eventually re-enter the working world. How will I know when the time is right? What kind of job would I be able to get with a big gap on my resume? I've heard that you're supposed to try and keep your marketable skills current so you are still employable once you want to return to work. My former job involved a lot of problem solving; I think motherhood will keep those skills sharp, at least!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 8
Saturday, November 7, 2015
Maternity Leave Calculations
When I imagined being a mom, I pictured myself staying home with the kids for a few years at least. Once I found out we were having twins, I put in notice to my employer that I'd be quitting my job near their due date. It seems that I made my own decision, but I got to wondering if I really did. After all, I don't exist in a vacuum.
Factors that may have shaped my preference:
The mere fact that I was able to make such a decision, though, demonstrates the discrepancies in the country between the "professional" and "non-professional" employment classes, I think. (Those might not be the best terms, sorry...I really didn't get much sleep last night.) DF and I are fortunate in that he has a good, stable job that pays well enough for us to live off of his income alone. Without me working, we do have to adjust the budget, but we aren't going to wind up in poverty or anything. His employer is subject to FMLA, and he has accrued a whole heap of sick leave hours over the years. Through all the medical stuff I've dealt with + the birth of the twins, he's been able to take off several weeks this year with full pay. Also, let's face it, since he's a man these work absences aren't likely to jeopardize his career or stick him on a "daddy track."
What if we had different circumstances? What if DF worked in a less stable industry and got laid off while I was pregnant, so we only had my income? What if we both worked for small employers without any FMLA protection?
A few states have passed their own family leave laws. Isn't it about time for the US to join the rest of the developed world and offer paid family leave to new moms??
Here, let John Oliver convince you. Or, watch this TEDx talk on the subject. Full disclosure, I only watched the first 5 minutes or so of the TED talk before one of my current clients demanded attention, but it seemed good :)
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 7
Factors that may have shaped my preference:
- Since I worked for a small non-profit not subject to FMLA, I would've had very little paid maternity leave available.
- Many of the women we know here in Memphis with young kids don't have jobs outside the home.
- My own mother, a teacher by trade, stayed at home with my siblings and me when we were young. In fact, she didn't go back to work regularly until I was in high school.
The mere fact that I was able to make such a decision, though, demonstrates the discrepancies in the country between the "professional" and "non-professional" employment classes, I think. (Those might not be the best terms, sorry...I really didn't get much sleep last night.) DF and I are fortunate in that he has a good, stable job that pays well enough for us to live off of his income alone. Without me working, we do have to adjust the budget, but we aren't going to wind up in poverty or anything. His employer is subject to FMLA, and he has accrued a whole heap of sick leave hours over the years. Through all the medical stuff I've dealt with + the birth of the twins, he's been able to take off several weeks this year with full pay. Also, let's face it, since he's a man these work absences aren't likely to jeopardize his career or stick him on a "daddy track."
What if we had different circumstances? What if DF worked in a less stable industry and got laid off while I was pregnant, so we only had my income? What if we both worked for small employers without any FMLA protection?
A few states have passed their own family leave laws. Isn't it about time for the US to join the rest of the developed world and offer paid family leave to new moms??
Here, let John Oliver convince you. Or, watch this TEDx talk on the subject. Full disclosure, I only watched the first 5 minutes or so of the TED talk before one of my current clients demanded attention, but it seemed good :)
Friday, November 6, 2015
Being a Mom of Multiples
Before I had twins, I was not aware how many people think twins/multiples are fascinating. Sure, I watched the TV specials about the Dilly sextuplets because, come on, 6 babies at once is kind of amazing. But I never really paid too much attention to twins, didn't dream of one day having twins, etc etc. My younger sister sometimes wanted to dress like me and pretend we were twins, but I was not interested in that!
And now, here I find myself as the mom of identical twin boys. Surprise! I've discovered that a lot of my family member and friends think this is a really exciting thing. Since I'm responsible for taking care of them most of the time, I'm usually too exhausted to be excited. Two babies are a lot of work. But yes, abstractly, I guess it's pretty cool.
So far we've hardly gone out in public at all, but whenever we do random strangers stare at us and say, "Oh, twins!" Yes people, I am quite aware that I have two babies here...eventually we'll be able to go to Target without causing a scene, right?
Apparently there are whole university departments devoted to the study of twins. Wow!
I hope that as the boys get older, they will get along well and be good friends, and I won't have to entertain them all the time. Currently, they don't really understand that there is another baby inhabiting their sphere. If I lay them down next to each other, sometimes I see one of them chewing on the other's arm, or kicking each other in the gut. Off to a great start, right? :)
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 6
And now, here I find myself as the mom of identical twin boys. Surprise! I've discovered that a lot of my family member and friends think this is a really exciting thing. Since I'm responsible for taking care of them most of the time, I'm usually too exhausted to be excited. Two babies are a lot of work. But yes, abstractly, I guess it's pretty cool.
So far we've hardly gone out in public at all, but whenever we do random strangers stare at us and say, "Oh, twins!" Yes people, I am quite aware that I have two babies here...eventually we'll be able to go to Target without causing a scene, right?
Apparently there are whole university departments devoted to the study of twins. Wow!
I hope that as the boys get older, they will get along well and be good friends, and I won't have to entertain them all the time. Currently, they don't really understand that there is another baby inhabiting their sphere. If I lay them down next to each other, sometimes I see one of them chewing on the other's arm, or kicking each other in the gut. Off to a great start, right? :)
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 6
Thursday, November 5, 2015
I Used to Think ____ and Now I Think ____
A blogger I occasionally read, Sarah Bessey, put out a blog prompt today of "I used to think ____ and now I think ___." I'm supposed to write about how I've changed and grown in my opinions, beliefs, theology, etc. So we'll take a little break from the posts about motherhood and explore this topic instead.
*I feel like I should add all sorts of caveats on this post, including the fact that I'm white, most of my readers are probably white, and so it seems a bit weird to write about race. I just want to share how my opinion has transformed over time. I'm certainly not trying to talk for people of color or "whitesplain" anything. This post turned into a big ramble of ideas. Try as I might, I'm having a hard time distilling it into a coherent whole. I'm still a work in progress.*
I used to think that racism wasn't a big deal anymore.
Sure, back in the Civil Rights era, people had problems, but I figured we had moved past all that in the 21st century. I thought that because I embraced diversity, and because I personally held no animosity towards people of different racial and ethnic backgrounds, I had fulfilled my responsibility to society. Basically, I perceived racism as an individual problem that happened when a racist person treated another person unfairly because of the color of their skin.
What I was overlooking was the much larger and harder-to-eradicate issue of systemic and institutionalized discrimination.
Now I think that racial discrimination is still a problem in this country, and I have a responsibility to work towards overcoming it on both the individual and societal level.
Why did my beliefs change? I can't pinpoint any specific event that "opened my eyes," so to speak. More likely, it's the compounding effect of living in different places, meeting different people, and listening to stories of those I might not normally encounter.
Moving to the South definitely had something to do with it. You can't really live in the city where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated without it affecting your way of thinking. When DF and I were on our drive to relocate to Memphis, we listened to an audio book about the sanitation workers' strike and MLK's death. It was really eye-opening (of course now I can't recall the name of the book...). The National Civil Rights Museum here in town also gives a solid overview of those events. It's a powerful museum that I definitely recommend visiting if you're ever in the Bluff City.
Last year, I joined a multiracial discussion group through Common Ground Memphis. We met weekly for two months and worked through a curriculum to discuss race relations, both historic and current, in our city and region. As a newcomer to the area, it was an informative and useful experience for me. For example, during the time we were meeting, there was an incident at Ole Miss where a statue of James Meredith was found with a noose around his neck and a confederate flag over his head. I learned from my new friends, who were dismayed over this act of racist vandalism, that Meredith was the first African-American to attempt to enroll at Ole Miss in the 60s, and his presence on campus had been met with violence. Had I not been part of this group, I don't think I would've understood the significance as much.
I have to acknowledge how I personally have benefited from institutionalized discrimination. In fact, I probably wouldn't even exist otherwise, since my ancestors never would've wound up in this country! Three sets of my great grandparents came to the US from Germany in the early 1900s. Because they were white, they were allowed to choose to immigrate here without a problem. Had they been of a different race, they would have been excluded under US immigration law at the time. My other great grandparents lived in Canada, from whence my grandmother also emigrated unencumbered.
Recent events in the news have shown us that race-related tensions still run high in the US. This is not an issue that's confined to history - discrimination still happens today. I am worried about raising two white boys in today's world. How can I teach them to be kind to everyone? I don't want them to become unwitting accomplices in oppression; doing justly and loving mercy is our goal. I want them to start off by having diverse friends, but then I look at my own circles of friendship and have to admit they are pretty...pale. When it's time for the boys to start school, if we're still in Memphis, should we send them to local public schools where they'll be the minority? Will we be tempted to move to the suburbs for better (and whiter) schools?
In closing, I must say thanks to Jon Stewart for encapsulating it thusly, "Do you not understand that life in this country is inherently different for white people and black people?"
For further reading:
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 5
*I feel like I should add all sorts of caveats on this post, including the fact that I'm white, most of my readers are probably white, and so it seems a bit weird to write about race. I just want to share how my opinion has transformed over time. I'm certainly not trying to talk for people of color or "whitesplain" anything. This post turned into a big ramble of ideas. Try as I might, I'm having a hard time distilling it into a coherent whole. I'm still a work in progress.*
I used to think that racism wasn't a big deal anymore.
Sure, back in the Civil Rights era, people had problems, but I figured we had moved past all that in the 21st century. I thought that because I embraced diversity, and because I personally held no animosity towards people of different racial and ethnic backgrounds, I had fulfilled my responsibility to society. Basically, I perceived racism as an individual problem that happened when a racist person treated another person unfairly because of the color of their skin.
What I was overlooking was the much larger and harder-to-eradicate issue of systemic and institutionalized discrimination.
Now I think that racial discrimination is still a problem in this country, and I have a responsibility to work towards overcoming it on both the individual and societal level.
Why did my beliefs change? I can't pinpoint any specific event that "opened my eyes," so to speak. More likely, it's the compounding effect of living in different places, meeting different people, and listening to stories of those I might not normally encounter.
Moving to the South definitely had something to do with it. You can't really live in the city where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated without it affecting your way of thinking. When DF and I were on our drive to relocate to Memphis, we listened to an audio book about the sanitation workers' strike and MLK's death. It was really eye-opening (of course now I can't recall the name of the book...). The National Civil Rights Museum here in town also gives a solid overview of those events. It's a powerful museum that I definitely recommend visiting if you're ever in the Bluff City.
Last year, I joined a multiracial discussion group through Common Ground Memphis. We met weekly for two months and worked through a curriculum to discuss race relations, both historic and current, in our city and region. As a newcomer to the area, it was an informative and useful experience for me. For example, during the time we were meeting, there was an incident at Ole Miss where a statue of James Meredith was found with a noose around his neck and a confederate flag over his head. I learned from my new friends, who were dismayed over this act of racist vandalism, that Meredith was the first African-American to attempt to enroll at Ole Miss in the 60s, and his presence on campus had been met with violence. Had I not been part of this group, I don't think I would've understood the significance as much.
I have to acknowledge how I personally have benefited from institutionalized discrimination. In fact, I probably wouldn't even exist otherwise, since my ancestors never would've wound up in this country! Three sets of my great grandparents came to the US from Germany in the early 1900s. Because they were white, they were allowed to choose to immigrate here without a problem. Had they been of a different race, they would have been excluded under US immigration law at the time. My other great grandparents lived in Canada, from whence my grandmother also emigrated unencumbered.
Recent events in the news have shown us that race-related tensions still run high in the US. This is not an issue that's confined to history - discrimination still happens today. I am worried about raising two white boys in today's world. How can I teach them to be kind to everyone? I don't want them to become unwitting accomplices in oppression; doing justly and loving mercy is our goal. I want them to start off by having diverse friends, but then I look at my own circles of friendship and have to admit they are pretty...pale. When it's time for the boys to start school, if we're still in Memphis, should we send them to local public schools where they'll be the minority? Will we be tempted to move to the suburbs for better (and whiter) schools?
In closing, I must say thanks to Jon Stewart for encapsulating it thusly, "Do you not understand that life in this country is inherently different for white people and black people?"
For further reading:
- The 7 Stage of White Identity (I'm probably vacillating between stages 4 & 5 currently)
- White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack - a classic piece to help you check your privilege
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 5
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Raising Kids in the South
We live in Memphis for now. The nature of DF's job is such that we'll probably move again in a couple years. Next destination? Unknown. As long as we live in the South, I figure I better raise my boys appropriately for this environment. Because really, what is parenting besides teaching your kids your culture?
However, not being a Southerner myself puts me at somewhat of a disadvantage. I've tried to observe what children do here, but I'm sure I've missed some essential details. Perhaps as we start hanging around other kids more often, I'll pick up more pointers.
This is what I know so far:
Southern readers, anything else I need to know?
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 4
However, not being a Southerner myself puts me at somewhat of a disadvantage. I've tried to observe what children do here, but I'm sure I've missed some essential details. Perhaps as we start hanging around other kids more often, I'll pick up more pointers.
This is what I know so far:
- Children address adults as "sir" and "ma'am." An adult is anyone over age 16 or so, I think.
- A kid does not reply to a question with a simple "yes" or "no." They should always say, "Yes, ma'am" or "No, sir."
- Children call adults Mr. and Miss + given name. Example: Mr. John, Miss Susie. I haven't heard much "Mr. Jones" or "Miss Smith" except for in a school setting. Also, always use "Miss" for a woman regardless of her marital status.
- Boys should be helpful, such as opening doors for elderly people, carrying heavy items for ladies, etc.
- Boys should have long-ish hair that can be artfully styled, especially for family photo shoots. No buzz cuts!
- From a young age, children should be taught to cheer for the SEC football team with which the family's loyalties lie. (Not really sure what do about this one since we have no ties to college football around here...maybe we can just cheer for the Memphis Tigers even though they aren't in the SEC.)
Southern readers, anything else I need to know?
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 4
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
The Emotions of Motherhood
As a kid, I was rather dramatic, letting my feelings rule. With maturity comes emotional control, or so I thought until I found out I was pregnant. I used to consider myself a fairly rational person, but the last year has been an emotional roller coaster. Hormones are likely responsible for some of it. I'm starting to think that becoming a parent changes your brain chemistry or something.
I've yet to see the movie Inside Out - perhaps it would help give me some personal insight! Until then, I'll just catalog here what I've been feeling.
Fear/Anxiety: Admittedly, I was a bit of a worrier pre-motherhood. I thought I was getting better thanks to DF's calming influence, but having kids just opened the floodgates of dread. I spent most of the pregnancy worrying that something would go wrong. Then when it did, I feared the worst. When we brought the babies home from the hospital, I don't think I slept for two days out of anxiety. It's gotten better now, but I can still slip into a panic over the most minor things. For example, the other day Baby B had some red scratchy marks on his face, and I was instantly convinced he had acquired a deadly disease. Meanwhile, DF posited that Baby had simply scratched himself. After my Google searches turned up no diagnosis, I eventually conceded it was just a scratch as the redness faded in a few hours. Sorry kids, your hypochondriac mother is probably going to drag you to the doctor a lot!
Guilt: So. Much. Guilt. I second guess every decision. Should we be rocking them to sleep, or letting them cry for a bit? If you ask the internet, either option will ruin your child forever, so no matter what we do, I feel guilty. Also, I'm not producing enough milk to feed them, so they drink some formula. More guilt. And I'm not enjoying every moment/savoring every day/making memories that will last a lifetime. For goodness sake, we hardly ever leave the house. We thought about taking them trick-or-treating to a couple houses in the neighborhood but it seemed like too much work. This means we don't have any pictures of them out having fun on their first Halloween. Guilt guilt guilt.
Grief: The first time I tried to cut Baby A's fingernails, I accidentally cut the tip of his finger and drew blood. He wailed! I felt horrible.
Disgust: Dirty diapers. Maybe a little less disgust because they are my own kids, but ewwww, still gross.
Annoyance: Why do babies refuse to burp sometimes? They are squawking in discomfort, but they won't let their burp out. It's so annoying!
Amazement: Babies are pretty fun. It's intriguing to watch them discover the world. Who knew one's hands could be so captivating?
Joy: Lest you think parenthood is completely horrendous, lately there have been some glimmers of happiness. The babies have started smiling on purpose, not just gas-induced smiles. They also sort of laugh and make other vocal noises like "oohh, aaahh." It's amazing what a baby smile can do for the soul.
Love: You know those people who say, "I fell in love with my child the moment I saw him/her?" I have to admit that I don't understand that experience. When I saw the babies for the first time, I was just relieved they were breathing. During the 6-week pilgrimage to/from the NICU, I felt pretty protective of them, like I didn't want anyone to hurt them. But at the same time, they didn't really feel like my kids. It was like they lived at the hospital, the nurses were in charge of them, and I was supposed to go and say hi to them once a day. Now that they've been home for a few months, our bond is growing. If I go somewhere without them, I find myself thinking about them and picturing them in my head. They are becoming the center of my world; I can tell them "I love you" now and really mean it :)
So that's an unvarnished look at becoming a mom. If you're thinking about having kids, all I can say is brace yourself!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 3
I've yet to see the movie Inside Out - perhaps it would help give me some personal insight! Until then, I'll just catalog here what I've been feeling.
Fear/Anxiety: Admittedly, I was a bit of a worrier pre-motherhood. I thought I was getting better thanks to DF's calming influence, but having kids just opened the floodgates of dread. I spent most of the pregnancy worrying that something would go wrong. Then when it did, I feared the worst. When we brought the babies home from the hospital, I don't think I slept for two days out of anxiety. It's gotten better now, but I can still slip into a panic over the most minor things. For example, the other day Baby B had some red scratchy marks on his face, and I was instantly convinced he had acquired a deadly disease. Meanwhile, DF posited that Baby had simply scratched himself. After my Google searches turned up no diagnosis, I eventually conceded it was just a scratch as the redness faded in a few hours. Sorry kids, your hypochondriac mother is probably going to drag you to the doctor a lot!
Guilt: So. Much. Guilt. I second guess every decision. Should we be rocking them to sleep, or letting them cry for a bit? If you ask the internet, either option will ruin your child forever, so no matter what we do, I feel guilty. Also, I'm not producing enough milk to feed them, so they drink some formula. More guilt. And I'm not enjoying every moment/savoring every day/making memories that will last a lifetime. For goodness sake, we hardly ever leave the house. We thought about taking them trick-or-treating to a couple houses in the neighborhood but it seemed like too much work. This means we don't have any pictures of them out having fun on their first Halloween. Guilt guilt guilt.
Grief: The first time I tried to cut Baby A's fingernails, I accidentally cut the tip of his finger and drew blood. He wailed! I felt horrible.
Disgust: Dirty diapers. Maybe a little less disgust because they are my own kids, but ewwww, still gross.
Annoyance: Why do babies refuse to burp sometimes? They are squawking in discomfort, but they won't let their burp out. It's so annoying!
Amazement: Babies are pretty fun. It's intriguing to watch them discover the world. Who knew one's hands could be so captivating?
Joy: Lest you think parenthood is completely horrendous, lately there have been some glimmers of happiness. The babies have started smiling on purpose, not just gas-induced smiles. They also sort of laugh and make other vocal noises like "oohh, aaahh." It's amazing what a baby smile can do for the soul.
Love: You know those people who say, "I fell in love with my child the moment I saw him/her?" I have to admit that I don't understand that experience. When I saw the babies for the first time, I was just relieved they were breathing. During the 6-week pilgrimage to/from the NICU, I felt pretty protective of them, like I didn't want anyone to hurt them. But at the same time, they didn't really feel like my kids. It was like they lived at the hospital, the nurses were in charge of them, and I was supposed to go and say hi to them once a day. Now that they've been home for a few months, our bond is growing. If I go somewhere without them, I find myself thinking about them and picturing them in my head. They are becoming the center of my world; I can tell them "I love you" now and really mean it :)
So that's an unvarnished look at becoming a mom. If you're thinking about having kids, all I can say is brace yourself!
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 3
Monday, November 2, 2015
NICU Life
Our twins spent their first 45 days in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). Well, technically after the first 2 weeks they moved to the CCU which I believe stands for Continuing Care Unit, but it was all part of the same wing and NICU is the more commonly known acronym.
It was definitely the most stressful 6 weeks of my life. I'm not sure I can really describe it. For one thing, I have no other experience as a mom. I don't know what it's like to have one, healthy, full-term newborn who you take home from the hospital after 2 days and then a photographer comes over to your house to capture your family's postpartum glow while you frolic in the leaves or whatever.
No, my introduction to motherhood was being wheeled down the hall to the NICU nearly 24 hours after giving birth to see my little guys hooked up to all sorts of machines and then almost passing out while I was there because I probably shouldn't have been out of bed yet...
We learned a lot about preemies and the medical care available to give them the best chance at a "normal" life. Yes, being born early does carry with it all sorts of risks, but I think being a preemie in 2015 is way better than being born early a few decades ago. In the NICU, they try to keep the babies in a dark, quiet, womb-like environment so their brains can grow and develop.
My daily routine, once I got discharged, was to go to the hospital at least once a day. The babies had assigned feeding times which was when parents were allowed to touch them. When they were really little, all we could do was take their temperature, change their diaper, and put our hands on them in a "comfort hold" position. They got fed through a feeding tube and had to stay in the incubator for warmth. As they got bigger, we were able to hold them while they got fed through the tube, and eventually they started drinking a little from bottles.
I was pretty worried the whole time they were in the NICU that they would develop some major complication, or be exposed to a hospital-borne infection or something. But really, for being so early, they hardly had any problems. Just some jaundice, the occasional apnea (forgetting to breathe), low red blood cell counts, and that's about it.
In order to be discharged, they had to reach a few milestones - weigh at least 4 lbs, not have any breathing issues, maintain their body temperature without help (beyond a blanket), and eat their whole feeding from a bottle (no feeding tube). It was the last one that was the hardest for them to achieve, because they usually fell asleep while eating and just couldn't be roused to take another sip. Eventually, though, they got the hang of it and at 37 weeks "gestational age," they were released! Both babies came home on the same day, which is apparently sort of uncommon for twins. My theory is that they spurred each other on to greatness. Let's hope it continues :)
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 2
It was definitely the most stressful 6 weeks of my life. I'm not sure I can really describe it. For one thing, I have no other experience as a mom. I don't know what it's like to have one, healthy, full-term newborn who you take home from the hospital after 2 days and then a photographer comes over to your house to capture your family's postpartum glow while you frolic in the leaves or whatever.
No, my introduction to motherhood was being wheeled down the hall to the NICU nearly 24 hours after giving birth to see my little guys hooked up to all sorts of machines and then almost passing out while I was there because I probably shouldn't have been out of bed yet...
We learned a lot about preemies and the medical care available to give them the best chance at a "normal" life. Yes, being born early does carry with it all sorts of risks, but I think being a preemie in 2015 is way better than being born early a few decades ago. In the NICU, they try to keep the babies in a dark, quiet, womb-like environment so their brains can grow and develop.
My daily routine, once I got discharged, was to go to the hospital at least once a day. The babies had assigned feeding times which was when parents were allowed to touch them. When they were really little, all we could do was take their temperature, change their diaper, and put our hands on them in a "comfort hold" position. They got fed through a feeding tube and had to stay in the incubator for warmth. As they got bigger, we were able to hold them while they got fed through the tube, and eventually they started drinking a little from bottles.
I was pretty worried the whole time they were in the NICU that they would develop some major complication, or be exposed to a hospital-borne infection or something. But really, for being so early, they hardly had any problems. Just some jaundice, the occasional apnea (forgetting to breathe), low red blood cell counts, and that's about it.
In order to be discharged, they had to reach a few milestones - weigh at least 4 lbs, not have any breathing issues, maintain their body temperature without help (beyond a blanket), and eat their whole feeding from a bottle (no feeding tube). It was the last one that was the hardest for them to achieve, because they usually fell asleep while eating and just couldn't be roused to take another sip. Eventually, though, they got the hang of it and at 37 weeks "gestational age," they were released! Both babies came home on the same day, which is apparently sort of uncommon for twins. My theory is that they spurred each other on to greatness. Let's hope it continues :)
File under: NaBloPoMo Day 2
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)