Creativity is Dangerous

Since I'm only working 5 hours a day now, and my commute consists of walking from the living room to the spare bedroom/office, I have a lot of free time on my hands. I've been trying out a few new recipes to keep myself busy. Last night I decided to make a roast chicken, but this was my first time using this method from Cooks Illustrated magazine. The recipe called for pre-heating a pan in the oven at 450 degrees, then transferring the (whole) chicken to the pan, breast up, to allow the thigh meat to get a head start on cooking.

I probably should have realized this recipe required maneuvers that are above my skill level.

When the oven beeped that it was preheated and ready to roast, I grabbed a pot holder and took the pan out of the oven. I was using a 12 inch oven-safe skillet. The chicken was covered in olive oil and herbs/spices, sitting on a cutting board next to the sink. So I was met with a dilemma - how do I transfer this raw chicken into the pan without a) burning myself, b) burning a hole in the counter top or c) spreading salmonella everywhere?

I tried to use a big pair of tongs to pick up the chicken, but that didn't work because I couldn't get a good grip. Then I tried using the tongs to slide the chicken off the cutting board, but it didn't want to slide very smoothly. Then I dropped the pan on the faux-wood floor. So, I decided to pick up the cutting board and oh-so-delicately plop the chicken in the pan. Sizzzzzzle! That was a hot pan. Chicken/oil droplets sprayed all over the place. (So much for avoiding salmonella contamination.)

It was time to get the bird in the oven. Still wearing a pot holder on my left hand, I picked up the skillet and turned to the oven. But the pan was a lot heavier now with a chicken in it. So without really thinking, I put my right hand on the handle to steady the load. OUCH! That was not a good idea! My palm made pretty significant contact with the edge of the handle which, as you may recall, just came out of a 450 degree oven.

Quickly, I plunged my hand under running water. That's what you're supposed to do for a burn, right? But I had a feeling this burn was pretty bad. Das Fenster was still at work and wouldn't be home for at least 30-45 minutes. I started to think through all the worst case scenarios in my head. What if I went into shock? Should I call am ambulance? We don't even have our new insurance cards yet. What urgent care am I supposed to go to? I don't have any friends here who can help me! I JUST BURNED A HOLE IN MY HAND AND AM GOING TO DIE OF SEPSIS FROM MY SALMONELLA-CONTAMINATED WOUND!!!

Trying to regain control of my swirling thoughts, I resumed dinner prep one-handed with my other hand on a towel-wrapped ice pack. Aside: cutting potatoes with one hand is challenging. I looked up advice online about burn first aid. The Mayo Clinic said ice was bad. Curses. So I switched to holding a jar of mustard that had been in the fridge. It had a nice cooling effect. But as soon as I took the jar away, my hand felt like it was on fire. When the mustard got too warm, I traded it for a can of mango juice. Then I got a glass of ice water and held that for awhile. (I decided ice water was ok, since it's not pure ice.)

After grossing myself out via a Google Image search for "burns," I decided my injury was probably a 1st or 1.5 degree burn. That's good, but it still hurt. A LOT. It had been about 5 hours since the incident and was getting to be time for bed, but I couldn't bear to be away from a cold source for more than 30 seconds. What was I going to do???

The internet came to my rescue when I found this: Aluminum Foil Treatment for Burns

I don't even know how I wound up on this website, but after reading several strangers raving about how aluminum foil eliminates burn pain, I decided to give it a try. I slathered some aloe vera gel on the affected area and wrapped my hand in a large piece of foil. For good measure, I put a sock over my hand to keep the foil in place. Then, I waited. (The waiting was hard, because our cable also went out last night. It's also no fun to play on your phone with one hand. It was not a good day.) After a few minutes, the pain had definitely diminished. I no longer felt like I wanted to chop my hand off. After about 10 minutes, the pain was almost gone - maybe a twinge now and then, but nothing compared to how horrible it had been. To be safe, I left my hand wrapped in foil overnight (that was weird...), and when I woke up, I felt great! The burned spot is just a little tender today.

Here is some photographic evidence that it's important to be careful when trying new recipes.